Care for the Carer: "A toolbox of learnings"

Personal Insights and experts' research. What's helped me could help you

Hello! If you’re new to Carer Mentor, welcome! Thank you for being here! You can read why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?

The Carer Mentor website is a hub of tools, resources & insights, as well as a community support network. A portal of hope ❤️ Start exploring here.

Disclaimer: This information cannot be considered as medical advice. Please consider seeking help from a doctor, therapist, or support organisation.

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Carer Mentor is a dynamic resource of experiences. You’re NOT alone.

This Care for the Carer section of the Carer Mentor Website is why I started this website in 2020.

Over the last decade, since I started caring for my parents, I’ve sought out experts, research, and insights to help me navigate caregiving. The resources and recommendations I found are here for you. This is the reference I would have liked to have from day one of caregiving.

Every set of personal circumstances is unique. I don’t presume to know what you or any carer is going through. There is no judgment or expectations here. This space is for all caregivers.

The information and insights may offer a new perspective or reframing that could help you, or maybe not. What’s helped me could help you. Only you can decide if this information is useful for you.

All the information is publicly available. I’ve taken the time to curate these resources for us.

This section is not about caring for someone; it’s about how we manage and care for ourselves.

Carer Mentor is a hub of resources, recommendations and information. A reliable go-to nexus of insights and comfort for the caregiver. A place where Care for the Carer comes first, and the acts of caregiving come second.

The best way to explore all the resources is via the desktop version of the website:

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Index of tools

• Carer Mentor Concepts

• Inspired by Books

• Life Transitions, Changes and Narrative Psychology

• Self-compassion, Complete The Stress Cycle

• Emotions and Emotional Agility

• Misconceptions about Emotions

• How Emotions are Made

• A Growth Mindset

• Resilience

• Building your Values Compass

• Walking Your Why

• The Language of Caregivers

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Carer Mentor Concepts

1. The Timeline Exercise. The big picture reflections. Putting things into perspective. This is the first exercise I ask all my mentoring clients to do. It’s a simple yet powerful way to facilitate an overview and a deep dive into impactful events

2. ‘Ten Annual Review Questions’ to prompt deeper reflections.

3. ‘5 Sparks to inspire a fresh perspective.’ Rethinking what matters

4. “Are you setting yourself up for success?” 2 Big questions and 1 Simple Exercise with powerful implications.

5. Personal Opinion: ‘A Recalibrated Frame of Reference’ A reframing of life events.

6. Navigating with Emotional Agility: ‘A map, compass and signposts.’ Preparing for the onward journey. How I navigate forward

7. Index: Experts, References, Resources Quoted/Highlighted in Carer Mentor Articles

Inspired By Books

1. Carer Mentor’s 2026 Top Ten ‘Annual Re-Reads’ and the current twenty-five books competing for a top-ten spot.

2. Carer Mentor’s Ten Annual Re-Reads

3. The current twenty-five books which are competing for a Top Ten listing

4. Recommendation: Emily Kenway’s ‘Who Cares: The hidden crisis of caregiving and how we solve it.’ One of my Top Ten Annual Re-Reads.

5. Resource: Megan Devine’s ‘How do you help a grieving friend?’ Refuge in Grief Website & Book

Life Transitions, Changes and Narrative Psychology

1. Recommendation: Bruce Feiler’s “Life is in the Transitions. Mastering Change at Any Age.” TEDx Talk and Book

2. Recommendation: Insights: Hidden Brain’s ‘Change Your Story, Change Your Life.’ Summary notes, insights, prompts and creating synergies of articles.

Self-compassion, Complete The Stress Cycle

1. Resources: ‘Managing the Mental Load.’ Understanding and enabling yourself.

2. Resources: ‘Moving your inner voices out’ Mental Health Awareness

3. Recommendation: ‘Grief is messy. It’s not a tidy five-stage path.’ Shankar Vedantam interviews Lucy Hone (Public Health Resilience Researcher).

4. Recommendation: ‘Burnout and how to complete the stress cycle. Emily and Amelia Nagoski’

5. Resource: ‘RSA Animation of Brené Brown’s Connecting with Empathy’

6. Resource: Megan Devine’s ‘How do you help a grieving friend?’ Refuge in Grief Website & Book

7. Megan Devine ‘How to handle the Advice you didn’t ask for while grieving’...and for many situations where unsolicited advice is given.

Emotions and Emotional Agility

1. Recommendation: Resource: ‘Dr Brené Brown’s TED Talk: Listening to shame’ Empathy is the antidote to shame. We’re only human, perfectly imperfect and we, especially Caregivers, can only do the best we can. I’m right there in the arena with you.

2. Recommendation: ‘Dr. Lucy Hone’s TED Talk ‘The Three Secrets of Resilient People.’ A powerful talk that strikes a chord

3. Recommendation: Dr Susan David’s TED Talk ‘The Gift and Power of Emotional Agility.’ I recommend her talk and book to every carer I meet.

4. Recommendation: An Introduction to ‘Emotional Agility’ Resource: Susan David and Christina Congleton.

5. Recommendation: Dr Susan David's ‘Emotional Agility ’: Train ourselves to live better lives with our emotions. (December 21 2019)

6. Resource: Dr. Susan David’s Concept of ‘Stepping Out’

7. Resource: Dr Susan David ‘Walking Your Why.’ July 18, 2016. Interview with LeadersIn

8. Resource: ‘How do we teach Emotional Agility to Children’ Dr Susan David (December 21 2019) A short 6 minute video-interview.

9. Resource: ‘Wholehearted living: Avoid Toxic Positivity and Rethink our beliefs around Emotions.’ Showing up to our Emotions. Adam Grant & Susan David.

10. Resource: Emotional Agility: ‘Moving on’ with the help of Piggybacking Habits. Values aligned action-habits. Dr Susan David, Charles Duhigg and James Clear.

11. Resource: Nathan Lozeron’s Animated Summary of ‘Emotional Agility.’ Animation published Jan 24, 2019 on YouTube.

12. Resource: ‘Decoding Emotions and Experiences’ Emotional Granularity. Enablers from Dr. Susan David and Dr Brené Brown.

13. Resource: ‘In the moment-Emotional Agility in Action.’ An approach that helps me navigate forward through uncertainty.

14. Recommendation: Emotional Granularity: Why I Recommend ‘Atlas of the Heart.’ Dr Brené Brown’s book. Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

Misconceptions about Emotions

1. ‘How can I feel happier or more grateful?’ Enemies of gratitude and how to cultivate a habit to feel happier and more grateful.

2. ‘Why does pursuing happiness, make us unhappy?’ Appreciating the messiness of now, reflecting on joy.

3. Part 1: ‘Misconceptions of Emotions. The Myths and Biases.’ Decoding Emotions: insights and resources

4. Part 2 ‘Misconceptions of Emotions: The Happiness Trap and a Paradox. Decoding emotions. Insights and resources

5. ‘Here’s what we get wrong about the 5 Stages of Grief.’

How Emotions are Made

1. ‘How are Emotions Made?’ An Introduction to Neuroscientist Professor Lisa Feldmann Barrett.

2. ’How do we construct emotions?’ 3 videos by Professor Lisa Feldman Barrett. (Part 1)

3. ‘Why are Brain predictions important?’ A caregiver’s telepathy and burden—putting predictions into a context. (Part 2)

4. ‘What influences Brain predictions?’ and how can we build better predictions? Solving for unpredictability as a caregiver. (Part 3)

5. ‘An architect of my emotions?’ Agency and curiosity & how we can rewire our brains for better predictions. (Part 4)

6. ‘What is social reality?’ What social constructs frame our lives and influence us? (Part 5)

7. Recommendation: ‘Where do feelings come from’ Shankar Vedantam’s Hidden Brain podcast interview with Lisa Feldman Barrett

A Growth Mindset

1. Embracing the power of ‘Not yet’ Professor Carol Dweck: ‘Developing A Growth Mindset’.

2. The Winter Season of ‘Letters from a Caregiver.’ Life’s Tapestry: the nuances, choices, and caregiving despite the fear.

3. Resource: ‘Wholehearted living: Avoid Toxic Positivity and Rethink our beliefs around Emotions.’ Showing up to our Emotions. Adam Grant & Susan David.

Resilience

1. Recommendation: ‘Dr. Lucy Hone’s TED Talk ‘The Three Secrets of Resilient People.’ A powerful talk that strikes a chord

2. Recommendation: ‘Grief is messy. It’s not a tidy five-stage path.’ Shankar Vedantam interviews Lucy Hone (Public Health Resilience Researcher).

Building your Values Compass

1. Poem: ‘Mirror Questions. Who defines who?’

2. ‘How can articulating core values help us?’ Part 1: A life compass in uncertainty.

3. ‘How do I articulate my core values?’ Part 2: Finding Your ‘Values’, words and phrases.

4. ‘How to prioritise values to live them’ Part 3: Bringing values to life, through a caregivers lens

5. James Rhee: ‘The value of kindness at work’ (February 13, 2022)

6. James Rhee: ‘red helicopter: a parable for our times: lead change with kindness (plus a little math).’ An example of ‘walking your why.’

Walking Your Why

1. Resource: Dr Susan David ‘Walking Your Why.’ July 18, 2016. Interview with LeadersIn

2. ‘Reflections about Walking your Why’ A Caregiver Value Compass in Action.

3. ‘Walking my why’ Advocating for others.

4. ‘Mind the gap. Build a Bridge’ Building Awareness. Mindfully showing up for others.

5. Walking your Why: Mind the Gap recap!’ Checkpoints and a Cool Tool!

6. Brain Rest A short reflection and resources.

7. ‘Walking the Talk.’ October 2023 I wrote this poem ‘One Carer’s Purpose.’

The Language of Caregivers

1. ‘The language of being human’ by Poet Ali. Do you speak Caregiving?

2. ‘Are you fluent in ‘Caregiver?’‘ Conversational language tips from people in the know.

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