'How do I articulate my core values?'

Part 2: Finding Your 'Values', words and phrases.

Dear Reader, I appreciate you being here and choosing to read Carer Mentor articles.

A special welcome to new subscribers; our community is growing! I’m grateful we can support each other and build empathy and inspiration together.

I’m Victoria. I cared for my Dad through to his passing (the hellish dark days with grains of joy), and now I look after Mum (calmer waters with giggles).

Time is precious, so I’m grateful we can build this community together and support each other. You can read more about why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?’

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This week’s community thread:

What’s helped you this week? Can you share your meaningful moments of support and gratitude? Click the link and add a comment (open until Monday 22nd)

The discussion is for everyone, but especially for caregivers and those with a chronic illness or disability who are going through a daily care routine.

What’s helped you this week? Someone may have done something to lighten the load or has something made you smile. Big or small, can you share it?

Please ‘❤️’ LIKE the article & consider subscribing! This helps us highlight these free resources for those who need them.

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A compass with multilayered points and spherical dimensions. A multi-dimensional concepts of our Values and Life Compass

A recap.

Last week’s article, ‘How can articulating core values help us?’ I shared the premise for this series about core values and building a life compass.

Articulating your core values can give you a better sense of what matters most to you in a very tangible way. When faced with life questions, whether untethered, distracted, or in a whirlwind, you can confidently anchor back to your values.

I’ve heard caregivers talk about losing their identity and sense of self while caregiving or fearing the loss of who they are. We all feel unseen by others, but it’s also easy to lose sight of ourselves.

I shared what led me to recalibrate my core values and some of the turmoil I went through. It wasn’t just another life transition. It’s what Bruce Feiler calls a ‘lifequake’. (Recommendation: Bruce Feiler’s Life is in the Transitions)

This is my premise for focusing on ‘Values’ through a caregiver’s lens and sharing resources/tools to help you feel equipped to navigate your way forward with agility. Perhaps these resources, insights and ideas can help you reclaim pieces of yourself again.

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How do I articulate my core values?

Last week, I shared some exercises to kickstart a self-inquiry: a spontaneous word association and the Timeline exercise I do with my clients.

I published three other articles in the Mentoring section to support more self-inquiry. These can give you more prompts for reflection.

Articulating your Core Values is not a one-time exercise because we’re not a static brand on a shelf. We evolve as we experience more life.

So, I check in with myself every year before New Year's Eve to make sure ‘I’m walking my Why’ and the Core Values still ring true.

1. Inspiration 'Ten Annual Review Questions.' ARQs to give you pause.

2. Checkpoint: Are you setting yourself up for success? 2 Big questions and 1 Simple Exercise with powerful implications. The Bell Jar of Gratitude!

3. Inspiration '5 Sparks to Inspire a Fresh Perspective': Tease your brain into fresh spaces of reflection, a reframing that will give you pause for thought.

How we describe our values will evolve.

As we experience more life emotions, and how we frame our experiences can become more nuanced, richer, and complex.

Choosing our words and naming what matters to you, can feel empowering, amidst the complexity. Finding your anchors in the storm can offer stability.

This article series focuses on resources, research, and expert advice I’ve found since 2017. These have helped me identify and refine my Core Values and Compass.

It may sound like a complex or grandiose idea, but here’s a basic recipe:

1. use a variety of stimuli (books, questions, prompts exercises etc.)

2. reflect on the stimuli, see if words, phrases and experiences resonate

3. write your own narrative, draw, create or develop your values

4. Group thoughts and words, and express yourself in whatever form feels right to you.

5. you need to be able to point to, recognise and name the parts of your value compass, with a view to explaining your values to others.

Over the years, I’ve revised and elaborated my thoughts, and created a framework that works for me. What I’m sharing are the tools to articulate your own Core Values compass.

Don’t forget we each process and think in different ways. While I like to use words, you may prefer to draw. Find your medium, the stimuli that works for you. I know artists who point to a canvas to remind themselves of what’s important and why.

Overlaid on key words and personal experiences you’ll find these are rich sources for reflection:

1. Brené Brown. Which Book Do I Read First? Written by Brené Brown on April 26, 2019. This is the order I read her books:

   1. I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”

   2. The Gifts of Imperfection Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life: 10th Anniversary Edition

   3. Rising Strong How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

   4. Daring Greatly How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

   5. Braving the Wilderness The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

   6. Dare to Lead Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

   7. Atlas of the Heart Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

2. In Susan David’s article on How to Identify Your Values, she shares key questions these work well in tandem with my Timeline exercise:

   1. Deep down, what matters to me?

   2. Which relationships do I want to build?

   3. What do I want my life to be about

   4. During which activities do I feel most alive?

   5. What would my life look like if all my stress were gone? What new things would I pursue?

   6. If you haven’t seen her TED Talk, I highly recommend it. Here’s the article I wrote: Resource: 'Dr. Susan David's TedTalk 'The Gift and Power of Emotional Agility.'(November 2017).

3. Karen Walrond’s book The Lightmaker's Manifesto: How to Work for Change without Losing Your Joy is a beautiful guide to channelling your inner activist/advocate. This helped to crystallise my ideas about Carer Mentor. From her website:

   In The Lightmaker's Manifesto, Walrond helps us name the skills, values, and actions that bring us joy; identify the causes that spark our empathy and concern; and then put it all together to change the world. Creative and practical exercises, including journaling, daily intention-setting, and mindful self-compassion, are complemented by lively conversations with activists and thought leaders such as Valarie Kaur, Brené Brown, Tarana Burke, and Zuri Adele. With stories from around the world and wisdom from those leading movements for change, Walrond beckons readers toward lives of integrity, advocacy, conviction, and joy.

   By unearthing our passions and gifts, we learn how to joyfully advocate for justice, peace, and liberation. We learn how to become makers of light

Karen shares an exercise in Chapter 6, 'On Values, Missions and Guitar Strings.'

Andrea Scher, a photographer and life coach, led the participants of a retreat that Karen was attending through an exercise. They were put into duos, and each person had sheets of paper and a pen

Here’s the exercise as described by Karen:

• Andrea began, “at the top of each of the three pages that I gave you, write the names of three people you deeply admire. These could be people you know in real life, like a family member or a friend, or they could be someone famous: a celebrity, a politician, a social leader. You can choose a fictional character, like a person from a movie or a favorite book. You can choose a person who is alive or someone who passed long ago.”

• “Okay, now trade your pages with your partner,” she instructed. As we did, she continued, “Take the next thirty minutes to interview each other about why those names made the list: one of you sharing the reasons, and the other taking copious notes. First, one person shares, then at fifteen minutes, the other person should share.”

• After we were done, Andrea debriefed us. “This is an exercise where we excavated the values that are core to who you are,” she said. “We tend to pick our heroes because they reflect back to us the values and beliefs that are most important to who we want to be.

• So circle the traits that kept coming up when your partner was describing the people on her list. Those traits are the ones she should hold close as she makes decisions and plans for how she’ll move through her work and life. Once you’re done, hand your notes to your partner.”

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When I did Andrea’s exercise on my own, back in 2017, I jotted down six people. Three were people I knew, and three were well-known.

Each person I chose expressed empathy and inspiration in their actions.

• Until that moment, I knew what I liked and didn’t like to see in ‘leaders’ but I hadn’t associated the word empathy with my typical ‘business’ terminology of ‘people oriented’ manager.

• I knew I liked to share insights and ideas, and I’d rather inspire others than lead by authority or status but I hadn’t used the word ‘inspiration’, because on it’s own it didn’t feel right.

Perhaps caregiving brought me closer to the core of my values, because together, empathy and inspiration ‘clicked’ for me; anchoring numerous, diverse experiences.

Other traits, like being tough but fair and walking the talk, came up repeatedly.

I went beyond stating descriptors. I described what resonated with me, and why. What did I see, feel, and hear? These people evoked a sense of respect and wisdom, why was that?

Delving into the granularity of people’s actions, helped me formulate my definitions of empathy and inspiration and ‘the future me I want to be’. I tried to articulate what I wanted others to see in me, what I wanted to role model to my mentoring clients and in my business practices.

Knowing something is one thing, sharing your values and walking your talk is something else. This will be the topic for next Wednesday’s article, July 24th.

Thank you for being part of this wonderful community. I appreciate you.

Please ‘❤️’ LIKE the article & consider subscribing! This helps us highlight these free resources for those who need them.

P.S Check out another publication: ‘SmallStack’ a brand new library for small publications”

In the SmallTalk Section there are two discussions.

In the first ‘SmallTalk - Lifting Up Others’ contributors to the discussion shared their recommendations of small publications that they think deserve to be read.

This week until Friday 19th July, the discussion SmallTalk #2: Origin stories is live. Don’t miss it if you’re intrigued by ‘how it all started’ stories or ‘why that name?’ mysteries. There are some genius names!

Here’s a few words I shared as part of Carer Mentor’s ‘origin story’ which neatly fits with today’s article:

My publication may be shifting me towards mentoring Caregivers, but in the beginning, I needed to reconcile myself away from being a ‘high-flyer’ corporate VP to being a caregiver. I did a lot of soul-searching, identity and emotional agility work alongside learning HOW to be a caregiver. In tandem, with resigning from corporate, I set up a company to continue my passion for mentoring high-potential individuals seeking support with their career-life strategies. This was the comfortable anchor amidst the turmoil of caregiving, and it still is today.

To paraphrase Brené Brown, I found a way to integrate the ‘wholehearted’ me as a Caregiver and Mentor with two values that have always been at the core of my work and team leadership: Empathy and Inspiration.

Carer Mentor is in its 4th incarnation. I'm SO grateful to have found Substack. It feels like the mission to support other caregivers AND change the narrative around Care is just beginning. Come and join our community! Please spread the word. “Heartfelt empathy for Caregivers. A hub of practical tools, resources, and expert insights. A portal of hope.”