Connecting with Empathy and Compassion

'Letters from a Caregiver' Autumn Series Finale

Hello, dear Friends. In our ‘Letters from a Caregiver’ collaboration, which I started on September 4th, we’ve been sharing heartfelt messages of wisdom and comfort to our younger selves.

This article brings the Autumn series to a close, but don’t worry, more letters are scheduled to be posted.

A big, ’Thank you!’ to Mary Beth Kaplan🪶 Dr Rachel Molloy Marcilina Martel Janine De Tillio Cammarata 🖊️ Carolyn Malone Lauren Klinger and Madeleine EverGriefThe Autumn 2025 Letters from a Caregiver Series:

1. Introduction and letter to my September 2017 self by Victoria

2. 'Acceptance With Grace' by Mary Beth Kaplan

3. 'Strength in Vulnerability; Growth from Adversity.' By Dr Rachel Molloy

4. “Changes beyond my control but agility beyond my imagination.” by Victoria

5. “From The Other Side Of The Story.” by Marcilina Martel

6. “Healing Comes in Many Forms: Honoring our Sacred Contract” by Janine De Tillio Cammarata

7. ‘Blessings in Disguise’ By Carolyn Malone

8. ‘Find The Joy’ By Lauren Klinger

9. ‘To love life even when you have no stomach for it’ By Madeleine Alice

The letters

At the start of this collaboration, I wasn’t sure whether the invitation to meet our younger selves would be too much.

Would this be too painful? A reopening of old wounds?

Speaking for myself, part of me really didn’t want to revisit events, but I guess my curious learning self was intrigued to discover what reflections would emerge.

The objectivity of time can offer us a safe and gracious lens.

Writing a letter to ourselves allows us to treat ourselves like we would a close friend, removing the need for broad context explanations or cushioning of the delivery.

I found more forgiveness, comfort, and an appreciation for what I endured. Outside of the maelstrom that was then, I could breathe appreciation into what made me who I am now. What did you find within each letter?

Similar threads and unique circumstances weave through these letters. We feel the pain, but also the creativity and moments of joy. There was grace and an opening up to vulnerability; change and a return to a sacred contract. We found blessings within the folds and between the lines.

Such is the paradoxical, Both/And of our common humanity and diverse experiences.

We shift from empathy to compassion and self-compassion, motivated by our desire to help each other and ourselves.

Connecting with Empathy and Compassion

In December 2013 Brené Brown gave a talk to the Royal Society of Arts (RSA)

What is the best way to ease someone’s pain and suffering? In this beautifully animated RSA Short, Dr Brené Brown reminds us that we can only create a genuine empathic connection if we are brave enough to really get in touch with our own fragilities. ¹

I put this summary table together based on a Google search of articles and my own experience. It offers a simple comparison for your consideration and reference.

I also found this useful article:

Empathy vs compassion: the difference, and why they matter By Calm’s Editorial Team. [Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA]. Empathy and compassion are similar but different. Learn the definition and the difference between empathy vs compassion. Plus, how to become more compassionate.

Compassion is a concern for the wellbeing and happiness of others and a genuine urge to help alleviate someone’s suffering. Compassion isn’t just a fleeting emotion—it’s a lasting state, a readiness to extend a helping hand whenever possible.

One key takeaway: Compassion is motivated by a desire to alleviate pain, to act when we connect in empathy. However, not everyone wants action or resolution. Not every situation - especially grief- is looking to be resolved. Hence, the importance of empathy, gentle communication and healthy boundaries in any compassionate connection.

What is empathy to you?

This was one of the rapid-fire questions to each other, at the end of each letter. Here are our eight responses:

Victoria “Choosing to be with someone else (in person/virtually), with their pain, without judgment or imposing anything (experience, opinion, ideas, etc.) into that space. Being present without pressure or demands.”

Mary Beth Kaplan (Mantras and Coffee) “Empathy to me is extending grace in any circumstance.”

Dr Rachel Molloy (Time To Care) “Empathy to me is being able to read someone’s emotions, imagine walking in their shoes. You know when it happens, as you feel connected to that person, you understand their pain. And this enables you to work with them to help find solutions.”

Marcilina Martel (The Other Side of the Chronic) “Empathy to me means walking in someone’s shoes and really feeling their pain. It’s recognizing that the pain, joy or exhaustion is real and important. It’s about being present. It’s about staying when it’s hard and have the courage to see someone fully, even all their broken pieces and still love them as they are.”

Janine De Tillio Cammarata (Pathways of Connection) “Holding space for someone, no matter where they are in their life. Listening with my whole heart. Not wanting to fix anything, but to be there for them.”

Carolyn Malone (The Truth of It) “Having compassion for another person’s experience. Being able to put yourself in another person’s shoes.”

Lauren Klinger (Learn From My Mistakes) “..not only understanding and feeling someone’s pain but also respecting their goals, values, and wishes.”

Madeleine ( EverGrief) “..taking the time to truly listen to another’s experience, with full presence and awareness of my own projections. It’s listening deeply enough to understand not only what is spoken, but also what remains unsaid. Remaining willing to be changed by the role of witness.”

Can Empathy be Learned?

I discovered an article by Cathy Joseph that piqued my interest. ‘Can Empathy be Learned?’ She described herself as the outlier in her family, and shares how she leant into her empathy as an actor. She studied with a teacher who ‘would hand us the name of a real or fictional person, and we’d start to connect the dots between who I am today, and how I could have been this other person. After the final dot has been reached, the gulf between two people no longer existed.’

Author Bio: Cathy Joseph writes Random Conversations on Substack, offering personal essays that illustrate and explore human connection through a lens of positivity. She champions intentionally honoring ways of being and promotes the belief that we can change our world, one interaction at a time.

I invited Cathy to share some personal reflections on empathy as an introduction to her article:

I have always known I could metaphorically put myself in the mind and heart of another person and deeply understand how they feel emotionally and how they think. I feel it in my body. I trust it implicitly. It guides both my personal and work life, and I cannot imagine living without it. I am the only one in my family who has this level of empathy – or seemingly any empathy at all.

Can Empathy Be Learned? was my first post on Substack. I wrote about being an outlier in my immediate family – ridiculed for not embracing their ideology and way of being. From childhood to adulthood, I was belittled, demeaned, derided. I felt so much, and I had no way to process those feelings in younger years. That changed when the Dean of Women at my college became a dear friend and mentor.

She helped me understand myself. She modeled a different way of being from my family. She openly demonstrated the warmth of a caring friendship. I felt safe with her. She was the first of many mentors who touched my life and helped me navigate the rocky path of caring for myself.

Which brings me to Carer Mentor and these beautiful, heartening, inspiring Letters from a Caregiver – wisdom from the present offering the balm of peace to one’s own past. I am in awe of these caregivers who shower their younger selves with warmth and understanding, guidance and love. These are healing conversations.

I can feel the kindness that infuses these letters. I can feel my heart being soothed. I have been there.

Working with a healer, I have been guided to observe my younger self at specific ages – 4 years old, 6 years old, and more. I started understanding myself and those periods of time at a deeper level, with profound empathy for myself and my family. When asked what I would say to that younger me today, I consistently showered her with love, kindness, appreciation – exactly what I read in these letters.

I believe that the search for peace is a universal quest. Empathy opens the door to finding it. The letters inspire us forward.

I hope you’ll read Cathy’s article ‘Can Empathy Be Learned’

Can Empathy Be Learned?

This brings the Autumn Collaboration Series to a close.

Next week, a new season of letters starts to take us into Winter-ing.

Thanks again to everyone who contributed to this series. I appreciate all your work and support.

Please ‘❤️’ LIKE the article & consider subscribing!

Carer Mentor by Victoria is free to read. If you have the means and would like to support the publication, I welcome monthly (£6) and annual (£50) subscriptions. Thank you for your ongoing support.

© Carer Mentor, November 6, 2025. This concept/theory/poem is original to Carer Mentor™ VLChin Ltd. If you use it, please give credit and link to the original work. Thank you. www.carermentor.com

1. Voice: Dr Brené Brown Animation: Katy Davis (AKA Gobblynne) www.gobblynne.com Production and Editing: Al Francis-Sears and Abi Stephenson. Dr Brené Brown is a research professor and best-selling author of “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead” (Penguin Portfolio, 2013). She has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.