Resonance for Caregivers: A Network of Empathy.
A Library of Resources Curated for Caregivers.
Dear Reader,
If you’re new to Carer Mentor, ‘Hi!’ I’m Victoria. I’m a Caregiver, Mentor, and Advocate. You can read more about me and the Carer Mentor mission here: Who Stared Carer Mentor and Why?’
This ‘Resonance’ section of Carer Mentor is a library of articles written by caregivers for caregivers. The focus is on caregivers' needs first and the giving of care second.
Resonance is complemented by ‘The Mentoring Section’. It’s a Portal to Experts’ research and insights through the lens of a Caregiver.
The articles in the mentoring section provide more than just knowledge, facts, and expert insights. They’re also about sharing my experience, what’s helped me, and what I’ve discovered—wisdom that I hope can empower and inspire you in your journey of self-development, especially if you’re a carer.
The Resonance Index:
Emotional Turmoil, Mental Wellbeing and Connection
Sustaining: Ourselves/Our sense of self/Identity
Hypervigilance. One eye open/ear alert.
Hospitals and Carers Rights, Access Social Care Legal Support
Redefinitions: savouring the here and now.
Communication: Convincing/Negotiation/Cajoling/Soothing
Cardiovascular, Heart Disease.
Caregiving - Essential documents and decisions. Why?
Caregiving - Alignment and communication
Caregiving - ‘doing the doing’
Caregiving and work(?)- How? Where? Ideas and thoughts.
Caregiving - The Hidden Crisis and Context
Entertainment Music and Podcasts
Emotional Turmoil, Mental Wellbeing and Connection
'A Prelude to Caregiving: Love and Torture.' A 2015 hospitalisation was only the beginning.
The 18/10 Journal: A new series about the experience of living through 18 relocations across 10 Countries. Brussels: 'The Sixth and Sixteenth Relocation'.
Resource: Managing the Mental Load. Understanding and Enabling Yourself.
'Moving your inner voices out' Mental Health Awareness (UK 13-19th May)
'Are you fluent in 'Caregiver?'' Conversational language tips from people in the know.
Resource: 'Dr. Brené Brown: The Power of Vulnerability June 2010 the TEDxHouston talk that went viral. (Now 63 million views). Human connection, empathy, belonging and love. Video
Resource: 'Dr Brené Brown's TED Talk: Listening to shame' March 2012 TED talk. Video and Book recommendation
Resource: 'RSA Animation of Brené Brown's Connecting with Empathy' Video Animation
Resource: 'Dr. Susan David's TedTalk 'The Gift and Power of Emotional Agility.'November 2017. 6 years ago, this was a gift to see and to feel seen. 'Sawubona'. Video and Book
Resource: 'Dr. Lucy Hone's TED Talk 'The Three Secrets of Resilient People.' September 25, 2019. A powerful video strikes a chord.
'The language of being human' by Poet Ali. Do you speak Caregiving?
Articles by other authors:
Learning to ask for help. Our "awkward, brave & kind" email and the response we received. By Sarah Coomber
‘Caring for the Caregiver’ A More Comprehensive Approach. By Janice Walton
‘The Juggle of Managing Two Households’ By
Making a Plan by Janice Walton Her thoughts and learnings to help others who are caring.
We do hard things. A Sandwich Season anniversary. Sarah Coomber
‘Mindful Meditation. A method for reducing the effects of trauma, stress, and more’ By DocTalk, Allan N Schwartz PhD
Sustaining: Ourselves/Our sense of self/Identity
Janine’s article resonates. It touches on a Pandora's box— ‘Identity’, how we see ourselves and how the world sees us.
•08• for looking pretty | pa’ viéndome bonito• By Janine at
Hypervigilance. One eye open/ear alert.
Poem: 'The Eldercare Rollercoaster' The unpredictable emotional ride-along when your loved one's health has an Increased accelerated decline.
Articles by other authors:
Sleeping with One Eye Open. By
This article stays with me. Susan has captured the constant hypervigilance I endured for nearly a year.
Hospitals and Carers Rights, Access Social Care Legal Support
The first questions about hospitals. ‘When the going gets tough, you’re not alone.’
'Hospitals: a Carer's mantra. Why?' Actionable insights and Ideas/tips.
You’re not alone, you have rights to Access social care. I highlight a charity that works with anyone in the UK who needs legal support. You don’t know what you don’t know—call or use the AccessAva app. 'We're only human. Legal support to help enforce your rights under The Care Act.'
Articles by other authors
"I Won't Go to the ER Unless I'm Literally Dying" When you're disabled or chronically ill - learning when to seek medical care (and what that care will look like) is a painful and traumatic journey. It often ends in "I will never go to the ER again." By
I highly recommend reading this article. Another perspective and full of wisdom. Tips for Surviving a Hospital Trip When Chronically Ill. When you're disabled - the decision of whether or not to go to the hospital is incredibly complex. When you have no choice but to go - there are ways to make it easier. Thank you Kelly!
Redefinitions: savouring the here and now.
In hypervigilance, some boring is zen nirvana! This article by Bess captures the excitement of boredom.
In defence of boring. An exciting story. By
Communication: Convincing/Negotiation/Cajoling/Soothing
Convincing Dad To Stop Driving. Careful what you wish for. It may break your heart in the process.
. This quote: ‘I was seeing the anxiety and frustration of his independence slipping away.’
Cardiovascular, Heart Disease
‘Aging, Attics and Aortas. Peer into the drama, laughs and lessons uncovered during a move.’ By
‘ My heart, the emotional one that drove me to serve my clients, was filled. My heart, the actual one beating in my chest, was tired.’‘My Beating Heart. Pacemaker update - and why it's always a juggle...’ By
. Juggling her health and the caregiving needs of her family.
Dementia
Dementia, the unforgettable impact on caregivers' Dementia Awareness & Resources. Guides for carers and documentaries.
Dementia: 'Some ideas of what to do when...'Several informative videos from Dementia UK
‘Music Memory is more powerful than words.’ This is one of my favourite publications. A collection of meaningful music memories.
'Wonder through water, words, music and art.' Nature and Connection.
Connecting with Dementia Sufferers. Empathy, 'Validation Method' as published by Naomi Feil and Music.
Articles by other authors:
Thanks to Kevin for sharing his key learnings and insights. Dementia's Financial Warning Signs. Dementia takes a financial toll long before diagnosis, study finds. By
at The Centenarian Playbook. I recommend reading this to learn what to expect and to try to pre-empt financial issues.I recommend reading this article by Jodi. It may feel uncomfortable and bittersweet. However, she has eloquently and clearly articulated diverse facets of caregiving and the effects of Dementia itself. Thank you Jodi! ‘Caregiving Dementia: A Moving Target.’ By Jodi at
Sarah shares some resources to help you know 'You are not alone' Finding company on the dementia journey. By
First, There Were Bandaids. I stayed in denial about Mom's "condition" as long as I could. By
'A Q&A with advocate and activist Ai-jen Poo on how to break the isolation of caregiving'.By Amy Brown
'In Caring for aging parents, can we see assisted living as assisted loving?'. By
'The Long Goodbye. Navigating my parent's dementia, and my brain's attempt to let it consume me'. By
‘A Little Life List: When You're In The S***. Grace, Solace, and the Uncharted Mystery of Alzheimer's’. By Alice Kuipers.
How We Craft Stories That Make Sense of the World. Or Not. Memory Loss: a dramatic shift and the scraps we reach for. By
Cancer
‘The calculus of connection and the PEG tube struggle.’ By Bess Stillman .
‘Supporting men with Breast Cancer Interview with Pat Washburn, January 2024’ (Podcast). Kristina Adams Waldorf, MD and Patricia Washburn
Lyme Disease
‘Ten Facts About Lyme Disease Everyone Should Know. The misconceptions of Lyme disease leave patients searching for answers’ . By Tracy Mansolillo
Bereavement and Grief
'Grief is messy. It's not a tidy five-stage path.' Shankar Vedantam interviews Lucy Hone (Public Health Resilience Researcher).
Personal Reflection 'The WandaVision of Grief' Insights come from all sorts of different sources.
Personal Reflection: 'Grief, Love persevering' The painful threads within us.
Personal Reflections and Resources: ‘Life Grows Around Grief’
Resource: Megan Devine's 'How do you help a grieving friend?' Refuge in Grief Website & Book
Discussion Thread. Grief: The Individuality and Humanity of it all.
Caregiving - Essential documents and Tough decisions.
Articles from other Publications:
Essential Reading. Thanks to
and her Dad, Jim Coomber for this article. Hanging up the car keys: A Dad/daughter conversation. There is a lot of grace in these lines! Respect.Essential reading. Sometimes, we must make hard decisions for the safety and benefit of our loved ones, whether we like it or not.
has shared her heart-wrenching experience: The Toughest Decision I've Ever Made.Essential reading. Thanks to Kristin for highlighting why Advance Directives are so important. Interventions to alleviate symptoms like pain may seem self-evident, but how far do you want people to go, and in what circumstances? Unfortunately, when your loved one is nearing death, the doctor cannot make decisions for you or tell you what to do. Information is one thing, the actual decision another. ‘Once upon a nurse’ By
Caregiving - Alignment and communication
Articles from other Publications:
This offers some essential advice about setting the right tone and communicating with family members. Unlocking Support: Effective Ways to Approach Family Members About Your Parent's Care. Getting everyone on the same page is an important first step in eldercare by
at ‘The Other Parenthood.’
Caregiving - ‘doing the doing.’
One Resource, Two Insights, Three Ideas. A rolling weekly list
Personal reflection: 'Home-aids and Starting the Care Discussion' You can’t un-see risks once your lens has shifted.
Resource: 'Five Home-aids' What works for us, may not work for you. Food for thought, not a promotion.
Resource: 'Enabler Tools for a Carer's Journey' Part 1: The Ten books I recommend
Useful links for advice, info and ideas. Carers organisation, discussion forums, news, everyday support
Articles from other Publications:
How to Reduce Stress During Caregiving. Journaling to Track and Organize. By
. Janine shares some essential tips and an Excel template to keep track of and organise all the caring information for your loved one. Even if you do things differently, check out her prompts for ideas!
Caregiving and work(?)- How? Where? Ideas and thoughts.
Flexa. Beyond Pride Month: Why flexible working is essential for LGBTQIA+ inclusive workplaces By Molly Johnson-Jones. CEO & Co-Founder @ Flexa | Future of Work Speaker | Employer Brand | DEI
Caregiving - The Hidden Crisis and Context
Carers UK and Carer Mentor Reflections
Carers Week Round-up Increasing Awareness, Sharing and Caring. (June 10 - 16 2024)
Resource: Carers UK Intro to Caring. Video for UK Carers by Carers UK. You may be eligible for more support than you know. You have rights.
Recommendation: Emily Kenway's 'Who Cares: The hidden crisis of caregiving and how we solve it' (The Book was Published April 2023)
Love and Caregiving go Hand in Hand Emily Kenway Interview on Amanpour and Company June 5 2023.
‘An Introduction to Caring Democracy’, by Prof. Joan C Tronto. Access Minnesota's Jim Dubois' Interview (July 15, 2014)
Entertainment: Music, Podcasts.
Resource: 'Musical therapy. What's your Anthem?'Music translates our feelings and thoughts, without us talking.
Recommendation: My Unsung HeroShankar Verdantam’s Hidden Brain’s Podcast ‘My Unsung Hero’
Poems
Personal Reflection: 'Notes of Consonance.' For Caregivers about connecting to bring change.
‘Poem: 'Head-Heart-Gut Aligned'. Then the decision clicks, and your 'Why' makes sense.
Poem: 'The Eldercare Rollercoaster'The unpredictable emotional ride-along when your loved one's health has an Increased accelerated decline.
Poem: 'If I could..'A poem about translating Carer needs
Poem: 'Friends, I see you!'I wish you restorative sleep, moments of joy and peaceful calm.
Poem: 'We don't like the Hero-ing.'For carers empathy and listening are more powerful gifts of support than suggesting solutions- no matter how well-intentioned they may be.
Poem: 'Echoes in the Walls' Reconciling with grief over the festive period.
Poem: 'Unseen Champions of Care' Carers are defenders, advocates, and light-bringers.
Poem: 'Being there for a new Carer's angst.' Empathetic pains and reality bites.
While my focus is on elder care and my journey as a carer for my parents, I’d like to raise the awareness of ALL caregivers and those they care for.
If you have an article related to a personal caregiving experience, please send me a Note or email me at vlchin@carermentor.com.
Remember: Caregiving is not ‘just’ about full-time care support; it’s any support you give to a friend or loved one in need.
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Thank you for including me again, Victoria! I hope my and my dad's piece about giving up the car keys helps others have that difficult conversation.
What an incredible list of resources and articles!