Resonance for Caregivers: A Network of Empathy.

A Library of Resources Curated for Caregivers.

Dear Reader,

If you’re new to Carer Mentor, ‘Hi!’ I’m Victoria. I’m a Caregiver, Mentor, and Advocate. You can read more about me and the Carer Mentor mission here: Who Stared Carer Mentor and Why?’

This ‘Resonance’ section of Carer Mentor is a library of articles written by caregivers for caregivers. The focus is on caregivers' needs first and the giving of care second.

Resonance is complemented by ‘The Mentoring Section’. It’s a Portal to Experts’ research and insights through the lens of a Caregiver.

The articles in the mentoring section provide more than just knowledge, facts, and expert insights. They’re also about sharing my experience, what’s helped me, and what I’ve discovered—wisdom that I hope can empower and inspire you in your journey of self-development, especially if you’re a carer.

The Resonance Index:

Emotional Turmoil, Mental Wellbeing and Connection

Sustaining: Ourselves/Our sense of self/Identity

Hypervigilance. One eye open/ear alert.

Hospitals and Carers Rights, Access Social Care Legal Support

Redefinitions: savouring the here and now.

Communication: Convincing/Negotiation/Cajoling/Soothing

Cardiovascular, Heart Disease.

Dementia

Cancer

Lyme Disease

Bereavement and Grief

Caregiving - Essential documents and decisions. Why?

Caregiving - Alignment and communication

Caregiving - ‘doing the doing’

Caregiving and work(?)- How? Where? Ideas and thoughts.

Caregiving - The Hidden Crisis and Context

Entertainment Music and Podcasts

Poems by Victoria

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Emotional Turmoil, Mental Wellbeing and Connection

• 'A Prelude to Caregiving: Love and Torture.' A 2015 hospitalisation was only the beginning.

• The 18/10 Journal: A new series about the experience of living through 18 relocations across 10 Countries. Brussels: 'The Sixth and Sixteenth Relocation'.

• Resource: Managing the Mental Load. Understanding and Enabling Yourself.

• 'Moving your inner voices out' Mental Health Awareness (UK 13-19th May)

• 'Are you fluent in 'Caregiver?'' Conversational language tips from people in the know.

• Quote: Viktor Frankl's Between stimulus and Response.

Dr Brené Brown

• Resource: 'Dr. Brené Brown: The Power of Vulnerability June 2010 the TEDxHouston talk that went viral. (Now 63 million views). Human connection, empathy, belonging and love. Video

• Resource: 'Dr Brené Brown's TED Talk: Listening to shame' March 2012 TED talk. Video and Book recommendation

• Resource: 'RSA Animation of Brené Brown's Connecting with Empathy' Video Animation

Dr Susan David

• Resource: 'Dr. Susan David's TedTalk 'The Gift and Power of Emotional Agility.'November 2017. 6 years ago, this was a gift to see and to feel seen. 'Sawubona'. Video and Book

Dr Lucy Hone

• Resource: 'Dr. Lucy Hone's TED Talk 'The Three Secrets of Resilient People.' September 25, 2019. A powerful video strikes a chord.

Poet Ali

• 'The language of being human' by Poet Ali. Do you speak Caregiving?

Articles by other authors:

• ‘This Caregivers Life’. By Susan Marte

• Learning to ask for help. Our "awkward, brave & kind" email and the response we received. By Sarah Coomber

• ‘Caring for the Caregiver’ A More Comprehensive Approach. By Janice Walton

• ‘The Juggle of Managing Two Households’ By

  Kerri

• Making a Plan by Janice Walton Her thoughts and learnings to help others who are caring.

• We do hard things. A Sandwich Season anniversary. Sarah Coomber

• ‘Mindful Meditation. A method for reducing the effects of trauma, stress, and more’ By DocTalk, Allan N Schwartz PhD

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Sustaining: Ourselves/Our sense of self/Identity

Janine’s article resonates. It touches on a Pandora's box— ‘Identity’, how we see ourselves and how the world sees us.

• •08• for looking pretty | pa’ viéndome bonito• By Janine at

  •the point of singularity•

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Hypervigilance. One eye open/ear alert.

• Poem: 'The Eldercare Rollercoaster' The unpredictable emotional ride-along when your loved one's health has an Increased accelerated decline.

Articles by other authors:

• Sleeping with One Eye Open. By

  Susan Fusco-Fazio
  This article stays with me. Susan has captured the constant hypervigilance I endured for nearly a year.

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Hospitals and Carers Rights, Access Social Care Legal Support

• The first questions about hospitals. ‘When the going gets tough, you’re not alone.’

• 'Hospitals: a Carer's mantra. Why?' Actionable insights and Ideas/tips.

  • UK Carer’s experiences of Hospital discharge.

  • Carers UK Press Release: Hospital patients put at risk as family members left out of discharge process. (Sept. 2021)

  • Carers UK: Factsheets, checklists and guides

  • Carer’s Rights: What does the passing of the new Health and Care Act 2022 mean?

  • Key hospital discharge tips I’ve learnt myself or from others.

• You’re not alone, you have rights to Access social care. I highlight a charity that works with anyone in the UK who needs legal support. You don’t know what you don’t know—call or use the AccessAva app. 'We're only human. Legal support to help enforce your rights under The Care Act.'

Articles by other authors

• "I Won't Go to the ER Unless I'm Literally Dying" When you're disabled or chronically ill - learning when to seek medical care (and what that care will look like) is a painful and traumatic journey. It often ends in "I will never go to the ER again." By

  Broadwaybabyto

• I highly recommend reading this article. Another perspective and full of wisdom. Tips for Surviving a Hospital Trip When Chronically Ill. When you're disabled - the decision of whether or not to go to the hospital is incredibly complex. When you have no choice but to go - there are ways to make it easier. Thank you Kelly!

  Broadwaybabyto

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Redefinitions: savouring the here and now.

In hypervigilance, some boring is zen nirvana! This article by Bess captures the excitement of boredom.

• In defence of boring. An exciting story. By

  Bess Stillman

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Communication: Convincing/Negotiation/Cajoling/Soothing

• Convincing Dad To Stop Driving. Careful what you wish for. It may break your heart in the process.

  Kevin Ferguson
  . This quote: ‘I was seeing the anxiety and frustration of his independence slipping away.’

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Cardiovascular, Heart Disease

• ‘Aging, Attics and Aortas. Peer into the drama, laughs and lessons uncovered during a move.’ By

  Anne Marie Bell
  ‘ My heart, the emotional one that drove me to serve my clients, was filled. My heart, the actual one beating in my chest, was tired.’

• ‘My Beating Heart. Pacemaker update - and why it's always a juggle...’ By

  Donna Giles
  . Juggling her health and the caregiving needs of her family.

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Dementia

• Dementia, the unforgettable impact on caregivers' Dementia Awareness & Resources. Guides for carers and documentaries.

• Dementia: 'Some ideas of what to do when...'Several informative videos from Dementia UK

• ‘Music Memory is more powerful than words.’ This is one of my favourite publications. A collection of meaningful music memories.

• 'Wonder through water, words, music and art.' Nature and Connection.

• Connecting with Dementia Sufferers. Empathy, 'Validation Method' as published by Naomi Feil and Music.

Articles by other authors:

• Thanks to Kevin for sharing his key learnings and insights. Dementia's Financial Warning Signs. Dementia takes a financial toll long before diagnosis, study finds. By

  Kevin Ferguson
  at The Centenarian Playbook. I recommend reading this to learn what to expect and to try to pre-empt financial issues.

• I recommend reading this article by Jodi. It may feel uncomfortable and bittersweet. However, she has eloquently and clearly articulated diverse facets of caregiving and the effects of Dementia itself. Thank you Jodi! ‘Caregiving Dementia: A Moving Target.’ By Jodi at

  The Long Goodbye

• Sarah shares some resources to help you know 'You are not alone' Finding company on the dementia journey. By

  Sarah Coomber

• First, There Were Bandaids. I stayed in denial about Mom's "condition" as long as I could. By

  The Long Goodbye

• 'A Q&A with advocate and activist Ai-jen Poo on how to break the isolation of caregiving'.By Amy Brown

• 'In Caring for aging parents, can we see assisted living as assisted loving?'. By

  Amy Brown

• 'The Long Goodbye. Navigating my parent's dementia, and my brain's attempt to let it consume me'. By

  Anna De La Cruz

• ‘A Little Life List: When You're In The S***. Grace, Solace, and the Uncharted Mystery of Alzheimer's’. By Alice Kuipers.

• How We Craft Stories That Make Sense of the World. Or Not. Memory Loss: a dramatic shift and the scraps we reach for. By

  Alice Kuipers

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Cancer

• ‘The calculus of connection and the PEG tube struggle.’ By Bess Stillman .

• ‘Supporting men with Breast Cancer Interview with Pat Washburn, January 2024’ (Podcast). Kristina Adams Waldorf, MD and Patricia Washburn

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Lyme Disease

• ‘Ten Facts About Lyme Disease Everyone Should Know. The misconceptions of Lyme disease leave patients searching for answers’ . By Tracy Mansolillo

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Bereavement and Grief

• 'Grief is messy. It's not a tidy five-stage path.' Shankar Vedantam interviews Lucy Hone (Public Health Resilience Researcher).

• Personal Reflection 'The WandaVision of Grief' Insights come from all sorts of different sources.

• Personal Reflection: 'Grief, Love persevering' The painful threads within us.

• Personal Reflections and Resources: ‘Life Grows Around Grief’

• Resource: Megan Devine's 'How do you help a grieving friend?' Refuge in Grief Website & Book

• Discussion Thread. Grief: The Individuality and Humanity of it all.

Grief Articles and Resources

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Caregiving - Essential documents and Tough decisions.

Articles from other Publications:

• Essential Reading. Thanks to

  Sarah Coomber
  and her Dad, Jim Coomber for this article. Hanging up the car keys: A Dad/daughter conversation. There is a lot of grace in these lines! Respect.

• Essential reading. Sometimes, we must make hard decisions for the safety and benefit of our loved ones, whether we like it or not.

  Janice Walton
  has shared her heart-wrenching experience: The Toughest Decision I've Ever Made.

• Essential reading. Thanks to Kristin for highlighting why Advance Directives are so important. Interventions to alleviate symptoms like pain may seem self-evident, but how far do you want people to go, and in what circumstances? Unfortunately, when your loved one is nearing death, the doctor cannot make decisions for you or tell you what to do. Information is one thing, the actual decision another. ‘Once upon a nurse’ By

  Nurse Kristin

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Caregiving - Alignment and communication

Articles from other Publications:

• This offers some essential advice about setting the right tone and communicating with family members. Unlocking Support: Effective Ways to Approach Family Members About Your Parent's Care. Getting everyone on the same page is an important first step in eldercare by

  Kerri
  at ‘The Other Parenthood.’

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Caregiving - ‘doing the doing.’

• One Resource, Two Insights, Three Ideas. A rolling weekly list

• Personal reflection: 'Home-aids and Starting the Care Discussion' You can’t un-see risks once your lens has shifted.

• Resource: 'Five Home-aids' What works for us, may not work for you. Food for thought, not a promotion.

• Resource: 'Enabler Tools for a Carer's Journey' Part 1: The Ten books I recommend

• Useful links for advice, info and ideas. Carers organisation, discussion forums, news, everyday support

Articles from other Publications:

• How to Reduce Stress During Caregiving. Journaling to Track and Organize. By

  Janine De Tillio Cammarata
  . Janine shares some essential tips and an Excel template to keep track of and organise all the caring information for your loved one. Even if you do things differently, check out her prompts for ideas!

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Caregiving and work(?)- How? Where? Ideas and thoughts.

Flexa - ‘Find your dream place to work. We find companies that you can trust, so you can find where you belong.’

• Flexa. Beyond Pride Month: Why flexible working is essential for LGBTQIA+ inclusive workplaces By Molly Johnson-Jones. CEO & Co-Founder @ Flexa | Future of Work Speaker | Employer Brand | DEI

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Caregiving - The Hidden Crisis and Context

Carers UK and Carer Mentor Reflections

• Carers Week Round-up Increasing Awareness, Sharing and Caring. (June 10 - 16 2024)

• Resource: Carers UK Intro to Caring. Video for UK Carers by Carers UK. You may be eligible for more support than you know. You have rights.

Emily Kenway

• Recommendation: Emily Kenway's 'Who Cares: The hidden crisis of caregiving and how we solve it' (The Book was Published April 2023)

• Love and Caregiving go Hand in Hand Emily Kenway Interview on Amanpour and Company June 5 2023.

Professor Joan C Tronto

• ‘An Introduction to Caring Democracy’, by Prof. Joan C Tronto. Access Minnesota's Jim Dubois' Interview (July 15, 2014)

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Entertainment: Music, Podcasts.

• Resource: 'Musical therapy. What's your Anthem?'Music translates our feelings and thoughts, without us talking.

• Recommendation: My Unsung HeroShankar Verdantam’s Hidden Brain’s Podcast ‘My Unsung Hero’

Poems

• Personal Reflection: 'Notes of Consonance.' For Caregivers about connecting to bring change.

• ‘Poem: 'Head-Heart-Gut Aligned'. Then the decision clicks, and your 'Why' makes sense.

• Poem: 'The Eldercare Rollercoaster'The unpredictable emotional ride-along when your loved one's health has an Increased accelerated decline.

• Poem: 'If I could..'A poem about translating Carer needs

• Poem: 'Friends, I see you!'I wish you restorative sleep, moments of joy and peaceful calm.

• Poem: 'We don't like the Hero-ing.'For carers empathy and listening are more powerful gifts of support than suggesting solutions- no matter how well-intentioned they may be.

• Poem: 'Mirror Questions. Who defines who?'

• Poem: 'Echoes in the Walls' Reconciling with grief over the festive period.

• Poem: 'Cut through and torn'

• Poem: ‘Recounting Tortured Love’

• Poem: 'Unseen Champions of Care' Carers are defenders, advocates, and light-bringers.

• Poem: 'Agitated Itch of Creativity'

• Poem: 'Being there for a new Carer's angst.' Empathetic pains and reality bites.

While my focus is on elder care and my journey as a carer for my parents, I’d like to raise the awareness of ALL caregivers and those they care for.

If you have an article related to a personal caregiving experience, please send me a Note or email me at vlchin@carermentor.com.

Remember: Caregiving is not ‘just’ about full-time care support; it’s any support you give to a friend or loved one in need.

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