Poem: 'The Eldercare Rollercoaster'

Written By Victoria Chin. The unpredictable emotional ride-along when your loved one's health has an Increased accelerated decline.

I wrote this in 2019 when my Mother and I were looking after my Dad. There were more rapid downward steps, with shorter plateaus of calm and steeper declines in his health. This meant there was little or no stability or predictability in our days. The only certainty was that the sun would come up and go down, and we’d almost hold our breath, walking on eggshells to see if that night would require an emergency call for paramedics. 2019 felt like one very long day.

The graph shows the relative scoring of events which I made for my personal life events, 2018 to 2021. Carer MentorTM Framework

The Rollercoaster

Propelled forward, not able to lead or drive or control, you rattle forward
Sensitive to every bump, every thump
Holding on as best you can
Ready and always to hand, 
Constantly trying to prime for the next loop

Just when you think you’ve got the best grip, there’s another blind-drop, 
Feeling everything and nothing.
Yet, you have to keep going, 
You brush off the fears and thoughts
You try to ‘Go with the flow’

The rattles of the car, scare you and you can’t see what’s coming ahead
You know there are loops, and falls but don’t know when or where
Blind to the future and dark in the present
you scrounge around you for support…or an escape route
 reach out, for a hand to hold 

And then the next insidious, climb starts, 
Slowly, cranking up the dread …
you can’t appreciate that small period of calm 
or that small peak of excitement or joy
because before you know it, you’re tipping forwards 
and waving your arms around in free-fall, 
Again.