Personal Reflection: 'Grief, Love persevering'

The painful threads within us.

Personal reflections on grief

I don't think we ever 'get over' our loved ones passing. Contrary to those clichés, time doesn't heal all wounds. If we'd been alone and didn't know their love, we wouldn't miss them so much.

Grief is LOVE persevering through the passing. Painfully holding us accountable to remember what we've lost.

Time doesn’t heal, it pulls the threads of our emotional existence; pulling and tugging to make us remember our loss, and relive painful moments. Threads, frayed, strained, worn, and backcombed pieces of memories that try to paste themselves into some semblance of tidy control in the routine of the day but become unleashed into a nightmare of knots behind doors, in darkness, at night.

New colourful memories or strands of events may gently introduce themselves, or barge their way in, intertwining sometimes painfully twisting, yet building up the lifeline around our loss.

Within this evolving thread, there is still a deep resonant core of grief. It is a thrumming echo of love persevering, ever-present. A map-reference thread, through the maze of our lives, as we navigate forward with our loss.

Grief may be obscured with the everyday, then in unpredictable moments, it’s exposed, the painful red thread that runs deep. I try to compassionately hold that love which is persevering, even when anger and fear-filled adrenalin are barbs, embedded within it. I try to create some space to interweave more life, like a balm around it, or gently try to untangle the spikes of pain around it. It’s an effort, every day but I try.

I try to respect grief’s place in my heart, love persevering where it belongs, at home threaded within; part of my core.

Recommendations:

'It's OK That You're Not OK', by Megan Devine. struck several chords for me.

The video she has made offers useful insights into grief, for yourself or for anyone wondering how to help a grieving friend.

Whilst friends and family can be empathetic, grief is a personal journey. It’s not linear, predictable, or controllable. So, let’s keep trying to be kind and compassionate with ourselves.

If you feel overwhelmed there are a number of resources I've shared on the homepage, for those of us in the UK.

Here are some links for support:

• Cruse UK’s leading bereavement support charity. (Recommended highly by a Carer; they receive GP referrals). Helpline: 0808 808 1677

• Carers UK Coping with bereavement

• Carers Trust Coping with Grief

• MIND Mental health support