"Healing Comes in Many Forms: Honoring our Sacred Contract" by Janine De Tillio Cammarata

The Sixth Letter from a Caregiver.

Hello, dear Friends. This is the sixth letter in our ‘Letters from a Caregiver’ collaboration. I’m deeply grateful to each of our letter writers for allowing us to bear witness to these heartfelt messages of wisdom and comfort to their younger selves.

The Letters Sent so far:

1. Introduction and letter to my September 2017 self by Victoria

2. 'Acceptance With Grace' by Mary Beth Kaplan

3. 'Strength in Vulnerability; Growth from Adversity.' By Dr Rachel Molloy

4. “Changes beyond my control but agility beyond my imagination.” by Victoria

5. “From The Other Side Of The Story.” by

   The Invisible Caretaker

Releasing and alchemising events, from the inside, out.

Journaling and writing long, venting emails to my close friends is how I processed events from 2015 onwards. In fact, my letter “Changes beyond my control but agility beyond my imagination.” leaned into those fraught words. I wrote a journal before then, but there was a catharsis in putting things onto paper or typing it all feverishly into my computer; it released the mayhem in my mind.

It was mayhem, not just because of the emotional rollercoaster, but also because of the speed of changes and actions that were happening at the time. It flooded back to me as I read those emails again.

For anyone who is in the spin-cycle of actions, right now, I’m sending you strength and grit. I know I was running on pure adrenaline for a long time. I didn’t want hugs - at the time, (that felt like sympathy, that I had no time for). But, I did connect with my friends. They’re scattered across several countries, but I could read their email/text responses and respond in the very late hours of the day and be comforted. I knew I couldn’t make it without connecting to people who ‘got me.’

Even if they couldn’t do anything, having that mindful connection soothed my soul. My journal and the emails were my outlets and my comforts, which kept me sane.

So, it’s no surprise that I resonate with several phrases within Janine’s letter. The one that stands out: ‘Healing from the soulside out’

There’s something that’s shifting for me through the rollercoasters of caregiving. Perhaps it’s tied to traumatic events we went through with Dad, or freezing the grief whilst Mum’s cancer surgeries and treatments happened.

A zen emerges as today’s calmer waters allow a gentle thaw to explore more thoughts and feelings through journal reflections—an inexplicably human alchemy.

I give grace to the needs of my thirsty, curious brain by leveraging the tools and resources I discover. But I’m also able to focus on being in the present moment, open-heartedly letting thoughts and feelings flow thanks to building a practice of mindfulness — Acceptance and Commitment Therapy¹ and the work of Thich Nhat Hanh.² .

I don’t know what the path ahead looks like, but simply sitting down where I am on the path is helping just as much as discovering a new resource. I’m not in perpetual motion these days. In these calmer waters, there’s even greater alchemy.

It’s always comforting to know friends who are walking a similar path, and that I’ve close friends who’ve been with me throughout the rollercoaster.

Thanks for your letter, Janine. I’m grateful for our connection and the resonance we share.

Author Bio: Janine Cammarata is a journaler, author, dream guide, energy healer, and teacher. She has over 40 years of experience with personal journaling. A Reiki Master, Certified Master in Active Dream Teaching, and Narrative Therapy trained, Janine fosters curiosity and healing through these various modalities. She forms connections by holding space for others and uses journaling to provide pathways for self-expression.

Healing Comes in Many Forms: Honoring our Sacred Contract

Please listen to the audio. Thanks for this voiceover, Janine!

Dear Janine,

It’s January 1995 and you just found out that you’re pregnant! You and Luke have been trying for two years. Turns out that being a preemie yourself clogged a fallopian tube and wreaked havoc on your pituitary glands.

After passing out a few times over the next nine months and 12 hours of back labor, you delivered a beautiful baby boy whose name is Nicholas Luke.

You’ll struggle to get back on your feet as you lost a lot of blood, but the next 13 years will be dedicated not only to him but to Stephen, who will arrive like a rocket two years and two weeks later.

You always wanted two children–one for each motorcycle so the four of you could go on family rides.

Nick is your soul thread–your mini clone who has the same curly hair, but with eyelashes that every gal envies.

He’s creative, loves reading, will help you write your first two fantasy books, and is absolutely hilarious. He’s compassionate and stands up for others.

He’s perfect.

My Special Delivery! (Photo by author.)

This is where it gets hard.

You have had curveballs thrown at you for your entire life. This one struck out your heart.

Nick is only with you physically for 13 years.

On July 4, 2008, Nick will be diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL). You will give up your editor job, your health, barely see your husband or have any time with Stephen. Your family’s stability will be shaken to its core.

Friends and family will come together. You’ll do what you do best: organize, heal, plan, give with your full heart and soul to save your firstborn son.

Your tenacious personality began at birth. You may not remember being born four weeks premature and having to grow in an incubator. You constantly crawled to the top of the crib looking for a way out. You’ve dealt with health issues that you refused to let hinder your life or dim your light.

You believe that a mother’s love can heal anything.

You will learn that sometimes healing and love comes in different forms.

Losing Nick will break you. All of you on every level. You will want to follow Nick, but there are powerful guides keeping you grounded to this earth. This was part of your plan with Nick, but you have forgotten that sacred contract.

There are soul sisters, loved ones who will walk with you into the fire and soothe you when you collapse. You are well loved, but will have to journey toward healing by going inward.

You will create a foundation that helps thousands of families who have walked a similar path–some children live full lives and many die. You hold space for all of them.

These good deeds will burn you out until your body breaks and you’re forced to take a big step back.

To heal from the soulside out.

I’m sorry to say that this is a long journey. There are old stories that you eventually let go. The good news is that it opens space for you to write the ones that spark your soul.

You’ll be tired.

You’ll doubt yourself.

You will blame yourself for so much.

But know that you will also forgive yourself, create joy, find healing through journaling, and love who you are.

Journaling will become The Pause Place and a through line to allow you space to learn energy healing, dream guidance, to connect to your sons, and eventually help others to heal.

You’ll write fantasy, non-fiction, and memoir. There’s healing in the written word.

Self-expression and self-awareness will be your GPS on your grieving path.

The best part?

You’ll have beautiful and tangible relationships with both your spirit and earth sons.

Please know this to be true.

You’ll still have to walk through the fire of loss, but perhaps knowing this will spark that determined spirit when you don’t think you can go on.

Remember:

I love you as you are.

I believe in you.

You are whole.

Even though I knew I would lose him, I still would have given Nick life. Love yourself fully and have grace for that girl who thought life would go a certain way but never did.

Finally, know that Nick chose you to be on this infinite journey with him.

With joy and gratitude,

Your 58-year-old rocking self

Janine

Thank you for reading my letter. Holding space for you wherever you are on your journey.

These are a few resources that helped me along my grief journey.

Tear Soup: Was given to me by one of my son’s moms. It opened my eyes to the fact that my husband and I wouldn’t grieve the same. That I could take my time and do what I needed to mourn the loss of Nick.

The Dreamer’s Book of the Dead: I’ve always been a big dreamer and have been trained in all levels of dreaming. This book helped me navigate ways to connect with my son through dreams. It also reassured me.

The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart: a practical guide to taking a step forward and having grace with yourself.

The Art of Racing in the Rain: I listened to this book. Enzo said to his owner who couldn’t move forward past his grief, “What you manifest is before you.” Hearing that gave me a push to live my life.

The Closing Rapid Fire Questions to Janine from Victoria:

1. ‘Empathy to me is’

Holding space for someone no matter where they are in their life. Listening with my whole heart. Not wanting to fix anything, but to be there for them.

2. What’s one question you’d ask your future self?

How does my healing journey support others? What do I learn about myself that clears the path for the next chapters of my life?

3. What’s one quote/song/movie/book that’s inspired or carried you through to today?

“Coco” – the animated movie from Disney. It’s about honoring your ancestors knowing that they’re always a part of you and believing in your dreams no matter what.

Dear Reader, What is your Pause Place for healing?

Thank you, Janine!

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© Carer Mentor, October 9, 2025. This concept/theory/poem is original to Carer Mentor™ VLChin Ltd. If you use it, please give credit and link to the original work. Thank you. www.carermentor.com

1. Reference to Russ Harris’ book ‘The Reality Slap’ and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment therapy).

2. ‘No Mud, No Lotus’, Chapter 1, ‘The Art of Transforming Suffering’ Thich Nhat Hanh shares

If we focus exclusively on pursuing happiness, we may regard suffering as something to be ignored or resisted. We think of it as something that gets in the way of happiness. But the art of happiness is also and at the same time the art of knowing how to suffer well. If we know how to use our suffering, we can transform it and suffer much less. Knowing how to suffer well is essential to realizing true happiness.