"From The Other Side Of The Story."

The Fifth Letter from a Caregiver.

Hello, dear Friends. It’s hard to believe it’s October! This is the fifth letter in our ‘Letters from a Caregiver’ Collaboration.

The Letters Sent so far:

1. Introduction and letter to my September 2017 self by Victoria

2. 'Acceptance With Grace' by Mary Beth Kaplan

3. 'Strength in Vulnerability; Growth from Adversity.' By Dr Rachel Molloy

4. “Changes beyond my control but agility beyond my imagination.” by Victoria

The weight of words

I try hard not to use the word ‘should’ or clichés. If you read my letter last week, you’ll know how I woke up to my own ‘should-ing,’ and the impossible expectations I placed on myself.

We often walk the in-between path, serving as the interface between the person we care for and various healthcare professionals, friends, and family.

As the go-between, we translate needs and preferences and need to explain and align with our person’s wishes. I don’t know about you, but I feel the added stress, importance and weight of words. Perhaps it’s because there’s limited time in consultations, or the responsibility of representing our loved one and ensuring we get the facts correct.

We can often feel squeezed with our minds and emotions somersaulting; the mental gymnastics can be exhausting.

Back in 2016, I was discombobulated, battling speeches from my inner critic and having long conversations trying to prepare for difficult conversations with people who were ‘advising’ me on what I ‘should’ do.

So I resonated with Marcilina (aka The Invisible Caretaker) when I read this article: The Truth Behind the Victim Card Comment. What Most People Don’t Understand About Caregiving.

Reading Marcilina’s letter below, I appreciated her words of validation:

Don’t listen to the critic in your head. Don’t rob yourself of the present moment by worrying about what’s next. You deserve to stand in every beautiful thing you’ve created.

Thank you for this week’s letter, Marcilina.

Author Bio: Marcilina Martel shares stories from the other side of the chronic. Reflections on caregiving, family, and finding hope in hardship. Her writing speaks to anyone who has carried unseen weight and is learning how to keep moving forward with honesty, courage and resilience.

‘From The Other Side Of The Story’

A letter from me to me

Dear Younger Me,

As I write this letter, I see you, the little girl with long brown hair, in your favorite baby blue corduroy jeans and that sweater with the lion on the front. I see your heart, and I see your fear. You were too young to face your brother’s sickness, too young to carry so much heaviness. But you did. You stood by his side, helping in every way you could. That is something to be proud of.

What you didn’t know then was that those early caretaking moments would echo back into your life later. And when they did, you’d feel that same mix of fear and strength again. Don’t be afraid of it. Just as you did for your brother, you will find your way through, with love and courage leading the way.

You will learn to be resourceful.

You will learn to be patient.

You will learn to take all the hard parts of your life and turn them into opportunities to grow. You won’t always recognize it at the time, but one day you’ll look back and realize the person you wished you were was already there, slowly becoming you.

You’ll discover that your confidence will unfold gradually. It’s built through every step you take when you don’t know if you can keep going. You’ll remind yourself often to look ahead with confidence, and while some days it may feel impossible, one day you’ll glance back and see it clearly: your own strength was carrying you the whole way.

There will be times when you doubt yourself, when you feel undeserving of the good things you’ve worked so hard for. You’ll downplay your accomplishments, compare yourself to others, and believe that maybe you’re not good enough. Don’t do that. Don’t listen to the critic in your head. Don’t rob yourself of the present moment by worrying about what’s next. You deserve to stand in every beautiful thing you’ve created.

And yes, there will be days when you want to give up. To run away and hide from all the heaviness. But you won’t. You’ll keep showing up. Even when no one sees it. Even when you feel like you can’t take another step. That persistence, that refusal to quit, will become your steady strength. It will become stronger and stronger through each difficult moment you face.

Don’t let the struggles of life take away what you love: music, art, and writing.

There will be a time when you forget the things that inspire you, when you’re too weighed down by responsibility to pick up a pen and write or draw. When that happens, reach back into your memories: remember yourself sitting in Gramp’s drawing chair, creating your art. Showing you how to play the piano. Remember how he encouraged you, how he told you that you had talent, how he saw something in you even when you doubted yourself. Don’t ever forget those moments with him. Let them remind you that creativity has always been part of you. It’s what keeps you connected to yourself. And, it will help you during some of the hardest moments of your life.

There will also be times when you cling to denial because it feels safer than the truth. I know this because I did. When your husband’s health begins to decline, you convince yourself that things aren’t as bad as they are. It will feel like protection, like a soft yellow blanket you once carried everywhere as a child. But just like that blanket wore out, denial can’t protect you forever. You’ll learn that real strength doesn’t come from pretending everything’s fine. It comes from letting yourself feel the grief, the fear, and still finding a way to move forward. And you do this with amazing grace.

Here’s what I wish I could tell you then: don’t be afraid of the truth. It may break you open, but it won’t destroy you. Facing what hurts doesn’t erase your strength, it deepens it. Tears won’t drown you. Acceptance won’t undo you. In fact, they’re the only way forward.

The book, written by Edith Eger, The Gift is a book you will resonate with. It will remind you that suffering is inevitable, but how we respond is where freedom lies. She’s right. Pain will come, but it doesn’t get the last word. You can take it, learn from it, and let it shape you without letting it define you. That is the gift.

So, younger me: stop doubting, stop hiding, stop being afraid. Don’t let the hard parts convince you that you are only suffering. You are not just your circumstances. You are your courage. You are your resilience. You are your love.

And one day, when you look in the mirror, you’ll finally see her: the woman you always hoped you could become.

A Reflection:

If you could whisper one piece of encouragement back in time, what would you tell your younger self today? The one who doubted their strength or forgot their gifts?

With love,

Me - XOXO The Invisible Caretaker

The Closing Rapid Fire Questions to Marcilina from Victoria:

1. ‘Empathy to me is’

Empathy to me means walking in someone’s shoes and really feeling their pain. It’s recognizing that the pain, joy or exhaustion is real and important. It’s about being present. It’s about staying when it’s hard and have the courage to see someone fully, even all their broken pieces and still love them as they are.

2. What’s one question you’d ask your future self?

How did you do it all and still manage to accomplish all that you did?

3. What’s one quote/song/movie/book that’s inspired or carried you through to today?

This was a quote I used to carry around and look at every day. I clipped it out of a magazine and placed it on my desk at work when I started my first real job. Without persistence, it’s impossible to accomplish much. When I doubted myself that I wasn’t smart enough or a genius. I would remind myself that persistence and determination would get me through.

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.

Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.

Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.

Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” - Calvin Coolidge

Thank you, Marcilina!

Please ‘❤️’ LIKE the article & consider subscribing!

Carer Mentor by Victoria is free to read. If you have the means and would like to support the publication, I welcome monthly (£6) and annual (£50) subscriptions. Thank you for your ongoing support.

© Carer Mentor, October 2, 2025. This concept/theory/poem is original to Carer Mentor™ VLChin Ltd. If you use it, please give credit and link to the original work. Thank you. www.carermentor.com