This is my Frame of Reference (August 1988 to August 2023)—a significant dip before University, a challenging career climb before seismic carer activity.
This index of articles offers a suggested sequence for readers.
Carer Mentor Journey
To date, I’ve been through 37 Transitions. ‘9 were lifequakes’. (Aligned to the definitions by Bruce Feiler’s US Research for ‘Life is in the Transitions’)
To name a few: Corporate to Carer, 18 Relocations, Living and working in 10 countries (including Asia, Russia, Canada and the USA), evolutions of my chosen friends-family, Vice President Commercial Leader to Business Owner.
I’ll share my journey about how my mother and I fulfilled my father’s wish to die at home, how we pivoted from Dad’s funeral straight into Mum’s surgeries, chemo and radiotherapy and how I continue to care for Mum now.
There are facts and a whole swamp full of emotions, struggles, hellish no-sleep-nights and so much more. And yet, we found our joy and I found my way to thrive.
The Carer Mentor Mission
Together, we can raise awareness of the struggles Caregivers face today and the impact that Care is having on ALL of us.
Context: As the population ages, a whole new generation is added to our lifespan - an ageing population, a ‘5 generation’ workplace’/economy & a ‘Sandwich generation’ that is burning out.
The Problem: There is an increased need for care for friends and loved ones who have illnesses, disabilities, or age-related frailties, as well as a need to redefine how we care for them and us, the caregivers. There is a collective social need for change.
The Idea: We can start by changing the narrative around care and caregiving - let’s begin by having MORE discussions within our families and with others and creating solutions in our communities. Whilst I hope we can advocate for changes in policy and with governments, I’ve seen the most powerful, effective solutions being made between 2 or 3 people sharing daily tasks and errands. E.g. shopping, medication pickups, meals, and driving to medical appointments.
We can make a difference in one cup of tea, one conversation at a time. We can also connect with those around us to prepare, prime, engage and build a support team.
Please note: This site is fuelled by my experience but I am acutely aware that MANY carers do not feel they have a choice in their caregiving role. Please remember my story is not representative of everyone.
Disclaimer: I am not employed or paid by any charity or non-profit organisation. I reference and use their data with their permission. All commentary, opinions and use of their research and surveys are positions and statements by myself, Carer Mentor, VLChin Ltd.
Here’s the Table of Contents
Poem: 'One Carer's Purpose': A space to connect and to feel at home.
Poem: 'Head-Heart-Gut Aligned' then he decision clicks and your 'Why' makes sense. Written by Victoria Chin
Personal Reflection: 'A Recalibrated Frame of Reference'. A reframing of life events
Personal Reflection: 'In the space of 'Not Knowing' are sparks of 'Be-ing'
Personal Reflection: 'A New Year...with an Outdated Frame of Reference?' Do your reference points and measures need recalibration?
Personal Reflection: ‘A Prelude to Caregiving: Love and Torture’ A 2015 hospitalisation was only the beginning.
I hope that my experience, research, experts and resources I’ve discovered can be of service to you, and equip you for your caregiving. As Mrs Carter famously said
‘There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.’
Her point was that caregiving is a nearly universal experience. It will affect all of us at some point in our lives. She recognized – long before most of us – that caregivers serve as the backbone of this country (the USA) and they are in crisis.”
Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving.
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Thanks Victoria. You are so right many just 'sleep walk' into caring. We as a Society, need to be more open about the challenges involved in caring and the need for support both from the NHS and Community. Needs will differ and change as the situation progresses.
Really great share! This message is so very important. Caregiving and receiving needs to be discussed. Beautiful, Victoria. Thank you!