Personal Reflection: 'In the space of 'Not Knowing''

are Sparks of 'Be-ing'

Breathing. Big exhale….release.

I thought I'd spend some time in the 'Not Knowing' space. You know that place that's gloomy, not here and not there. The in-between space. The one where we've stepped beyond the clarity of our moment's ‘just-past’ reflection and have dared to step onto the unknown crossroads.

Before the next event horizon with no clear guide, conditions or obligations, space and time morph. Faster if we wish to accommodate and embrace more. Slower if we want to push through quickly over the threshold straight into new action. How long have you braved this 'Not Knowing' space? How quickly have you harried into doing something? Do you try to avoid this vulnerable place, excuse yourself from approaching it. Can you hold yourself in this 'Not Knowing' space, and just be?

Perhaps it's only at this time of year, between Christmas and New Year, when this in-between space of 'Not Knowing' appears, like Harry Potter's Room of Requirement.  This space of contemplation is free of work's yearly goals, blinkers removed from results-driven tasks and less tethered to the push-pull of other people's expectations. We are more vulnerable and exposed compared to other times of the year. Memories, people, and nostalgia all come together funnelled through the year's darkest time-point, filtered with traditions, family histrionics, dynamics and our self-imposed pressures.

Before Mother Nature can bring her fresh light are we able to be okay in this twilight of 'Not Knowing'?

What do you do in this space?  Are you too exhausted to do anything? Or do you have your rituals and habits for this time? Are you trying to do things or contemplating?

Of course, we each have responsibilities. I'm writing this whilst listening out for my Mother. A Carer's list of to-do's and our routine is 24/7. Perhaps this is why this space of 'Not Knowing' is so special. A state of mind, not a place or something. An inarticulate space where I can say, ‘It's ok to think but not be sure and not to know.’ It’s an indulgence when one of the most important Carer-hats is to know and anticipate needs to sustain stability. The knowing is an automatic reflex.

Whilst the Carer mindset persists in service to Mum, I'm blessed that while things are calm this year (unlike previous years), I can indulge in releasing myself from the bounds of setting plans, chasing communications, appointments and medications and just for a few days, BE.  This space of 'Not Knowing' releases and frees me to be curious. Explore, ramble, pick bits up, put them down. Playful mind, curiously free. Pull on a new thread, put down old ones, or tie ends in a knot and leave them complete.

The magic of the in-between space is a release of sparks. Open up a little wider to wonder. Look up curiously at the sparks that float the imagination without measuring time. Let’s help some fly, and encourage them upwards. These are the sparks of inspiration. They light up this gloomy twilight of 'Not Knowing', offering stepping stone ideas towards defining a new edge and new knowing. Each gleam is an opportunity to dream and be more than we were yesterday.

Being in this 'Not knowing' space is sparking more curiosity and fresh creativity, releasing it to be free, increasing the light.

New magic, fresh potential to realise unknown dreams. New light to inspire a New Year, borne from the curiosity of the ‘Not Knowing’. I can see that now.

I think I’ll stay a little longer, wander in the wondering and just Be.