'Who started Carer Mentor, and Why?'
December 2024.
‘Heartfelt empathy for Caregivers. A hub of practical tools, resources, and expert insights. A portal of hope.’
Hi! I'm Victoria. I’m a Caregiver, a Mentor and an Advocate for Caregivers.
The Short Back Story! After a career climbing the corporate ladder, I made a head-heart-gut-aligned decision to help my Mum care for my Dad. He had a litany of health issues that were destabilised by a major hospitalisation in 2015: congestive heart failure and rheumatoid arthritis were compounded with a diagnosis of vascular dementia and then bladder cancer.
I stepped away from work for a year, returned for six months, and then resigned from the ‘big’ corporate job in 2017. Dad passed in January 2020. Shortly after his funeral, we moved to another rollercoaster— treatment for Mum’s cancer.
Why I’m here:
The Premise - my rollercoaster journey
The Mission - empathy, inspiration, and actionable support
To offer the Carer Mentor Website and the 💡NEW💡 iCARE Stack
Resonance of the mission; feedback is the affirmation I need to keep going!
1. The Premise
The rollercoaster image below shows my career growth and the seismic shifts and jolts of being a caregiver. This is a subjective rating of my life events built using the Timeline Exercise.
Victoria’s Timeline. Rating of Events 1988 to 2023.
Along this journey, I've navigated 18 relocations across 10 countries and led cross-functional diverse global teams and portfolios. I had no idea that from 2015 onwards, I would experience such a seismic ‘amplitude of emotions’ whose intensity and impact stretched me beyond what I thought I was capable of.
It's been an extreme challenge—the acts of caregiving and orchestrating all the connecting elements. We are the orchestra, the sheet music, and all the instruments. We are the conductor, but we have no baton.
I count my blessings. Right now, I am in calmer waters. Other caregivers are not. They are tired and have no time to advocate for change or themselves when all their time and energy are used caring for and ensuring the safety of their loved ones. They need empathy and support. When those who need support are too tired to lobby for themselves, we must stand for them.
2. The Mission
Together, we can raise awareness of the struggles Caregivers face today and the impact that the hidden crisis of Care has on ALL of us.
Whether you are a caregiver, someone suffering a chronic illness, or someone navigating life’s challenges and uncertainties, the resources and experiences I share could offer Empathy and Inspiration for your journey ahead.
Context: As the population ages, a whole new generation is added to our lifespan - an ageing population, a ‘5 generation’ workplace’/economy & a ‘Sandwich generation’ that is burning out. (see Interview Chris Hayes Podcast with Ai-jen Poo Exec Director of Caring Across Generations in the US).
The Problem: an increased need for care has outpaced the change in policies and infrastructure. There is a hidden crisis as caregivers struggle to do everything themselves; long battles with bureaucracy and complicated access to care support exhaust whatever energy remains after working. This is compounded by the fact that everyone’s trying to make ends meet financially. So, conversations are ‘put off’, and denial and discomfort simmer until a medical crisis occurs.
How do we improve the situation and match the needs of the growing, ageing population? How do we care for our loved ones today, and who’ll look after us later? There is a collective social need for change.
The Idea: We can start by changing the narrative around care and caregiving - let’s start having more discussions within our families and with others and creating solutions in our communities. While I hope we can advocate for changes in policy and with governments, I’ve seen the most powerful, effective solutions being made between 2 or 3 people sharing daily tasks and errands. E.g. shopping, collecting medications, making meals for others, and driving to medical appointments.
We can redefine care and caregiving in our communities: one cup of tea/coffee, one errand, one conversation at a time. Define Your care team. Build your Caring Community.
We can support each other, leveraging our experience for peer-to-peer mentoring, empathy and inspiration. Let’s be neighbours and friends who support each other.
3. Carer Mentor Website and the New Index iCARE Stack
This website's priority is to focus on the needs and experiences of being a caregiver first and caregiving and its context second. Both aspects are underappreciated, unseen and misunderstood by many.
iCARE Stack is the new primary index for the website—a wealth of resources and ideas to offer empathy and inspiration to those giving and receiving care.
There are several Anthologies. For example:
The CAPE: Care be Aware, Prepare and Engage. Dispelling the myth that Carers are Superhuman. Care, be Aware, Prepare & Engage (CAPE).
4. The Positive Feedback & Affirmation I need to keep going!
A small review affirmed the purpose:
69 Publications are Recommending Carer Mentor. Here are some comments:
'Resources for caregivers and an understanding of the political and economic realities facing those needing, and those providing care in our society.' 'This newsletter is such a gift to all people who give care to loved ones.' 'An in-depth resource for those of us in the caregiver role, at whatever stage.' 'If you love someone you will be a carer' is so true. For some of us it will be a blessedly short experience for others it is a lifetime. Victoria's substack offers exactly what the title suggests and is a great resource for anyone in this position.' 'Victoria is dedicated to honest, hope-fuelled caregiver support and resources. Her portal is wonderful respite for so many!' 'Carer Mentor makes me think, gives me hope, and provides info that I may desperately need some day. Thank you, Victoria!' 'Victoria offers so much to those of us caregiving for others. She's a wonderful resource.' 'Victoria writes heartwarming and insightful pieces about what it's like to be a caregiver. She highlights the struggles caregivers face as well as what an important and often under appreciated role they play.' at ‘Lots of resources, food for thought and empathy here!’I am deeply grateful to the 17 people supporting me with paid subscriptions.
THANK YOU! Time is my most precious asset, and your support of the Carer Mentor Mission and my work means more than I can say.
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Thank you!
Victoria, what you are doing is so important. Thank you for all you do for the caregivers' community.
What an amazing resource and community you've built here already, Victoria.
I cared for my mom both in our home and in a nearby condo, until she finally needed round-the-clock care, which my wife and I couldn't manage any longer. Though she and my dad are both gone now (dementia x 2), I'm finding that recovering from the long period of seeing them through their declines and the ensuing grief when it was over, all needs ongoing care, consideration, and patience. It's such a relief to find a resource like this, which I'll undoubtedly be digging into—all these wonderful roundups and think pieces. So glad to have found your work. Thank you for doing what you do. 🙏