Poem: 'Head-Heart-Gut Aligned'
December 2017. Then the decision clicks, and my 'Why' makes sense.
Hello, Dear Reader! Welcome to our new Carer Mentor community members!
I’m Victoria. You can read why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?
I wrote my poem ‘Head-Heart-Gut Aligned’ in December 2017. I needed a solid anchor and reminder of why I was doing what I was doing. I need that again, today.
There are moments when words take on a life of their own. This was one of those times.
When the world comes knocking on your door, cracking you to attention Avoid the paranoid thoughts, fears linked to past-contexts, expectations and perceptions Open that door with excited anticipation...comforted by all you’ve learnt, & what's emerging You’re Liberated of career chains, and life’s conditioned state you're already armed, primed for this - so 'GO On, escape!' Today, you’re focused, ..evolving, and.. carving a new way forward; Discovering a path, with no stations or exact destination So maybe for once you can savour this journey: be curious, awake, adapt & lean in... stay open to even more changes, as the uncertainties begin This time it's not the results that's going to define this ride Nor a bonus, a salary or inflated pride Because now, you've chosen to prioritise CARE, For your parents, for yourself and the select few, you love & embrace like life-giving air So when you hear that knock, it’s just a clear reminder that today It's one of many opportunities you can hear clearly, now that you're out of the fray emerging from the whirlwind your senses are more alive You are out of the trancelike state of sleep-walking through your own life Relish the uncertainty, embrace the new connections, And above all else, be brave beyond your previous comprehension. Because after what was some awesome career progression, you now realise, what makes you feel alive You’ve reprioritised, refocused and now you’re on this path Exactly where you should be, to be yourself and thrive Even if it means journeying through pain, it’s feeling and THAT, is life So, now that you feel fulfilled, grown-up & evolved from that past, Be here, ...Be present Because NOW, you can Stand-up straight ……...At Last!
Brené Brown’s book ‘Braving the Wilderness’ was published in September 2017. Perfect inspirational timing!
My bottom line: The events of 2015 to 2017 were my own personal wake-up call and this poem underscored why I needed to be more consciously aware, to remind myself of my 'why', and to be BRAVE.
Many reasons and events in my life led to this personal decision to care for my parents. Each person's choice is their own. For me, the decision has been more of a need, to do what feels right for me - integral, integrated, fulfilled. You may hear the energetic resonance in the poem, that's the clear, bell ringing my truth and the integrity I feel in my choice.
Being a Carer is not for everyone, nor would I want anyone to 'sleepwalk' into it, which is a common phenomenon these days. Intentional consideration and choice are something I hope and wish everyone has.
A Recommendation: Create space for you to think about yourself: it sounds simple, but it's hard to do in our fast-paced busy world. I wouldn’t wish a crisis, as a wake-up call, on anyone. Enabling space in our routine can be a gift to ourselves and to making intentional choices.
Journalling or writing a letter can expose some deeper-seated, procrastinated thoughts and feelings. Honing your alignment takes time, but you'll feel it when your head, heart and gut click. Be kind and empathetic to yourself. Self-compassion is the first place to start.
This is the quote which Brené Brown uses at the start of her book, ‘Braving the Wilderness’
“you only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”
-Maya Angelou-
My ethos: We belong to ourselves above all else. Our choices are what make us, us.
Belonging so fully to yourself that you’re willing to stand alone is a wilderness—an untamed, unpredictable place of solitude and searching. It is a place as dangerous as it is breathtaking, a place as sought after as it is feared. The wilderness can often feel unholy because we can’t control it, or what people think about our choice of whether to venture into that vastness or not. But it turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it’s the bravest and most sacred place you will ever stand.
-Brené Brown-
'A Prelude to Caregiving: Love and Torture.'
2015 was one of the worst years I’ve experienced—a perfect storm of events, a test of love, and it was torture.
Love the idea of writing poems to remind yourself. I often write myself letters about things like reminders to get up and not work so hard. But never thought of doing it with a poem. Great idea.
"Being a Carer is not for everyone, nor would I want anyone to 'sleepwalk' into it, which is a common phenomenon these days. Intentional consideration and choice are something I hope and wish everyone has." ... I really value this part of your share. So often we do wander into it and while that's sometimes a result of suddenness, more often it's because the hard conversations weren't had in advance. Intentionality around the choice makes it better for everyone, difficult though that can be. <3 <3
I find, too, that it's often different for each parent, even when parents have stayed married. My dad was ill most of my life and I always played some kind of caretaking role (mostly emotional) and it was complicated until the end of his days. My relationship with my mother is completely different and time will tell ... We are currently in early stages of caring for my partner's father and trying to navigate that which is also all new. He's an only child which is very different for me since my siblings and I are very close and leaned on each other a lot with my dad.