Carer Mentor's December Roundup

When grief re-emerges, loving kindness is the gift we can give ourselves.

Dec 31, 2025

Hello, Dear Readers. A warm ‘Welcome!’ to new readers. If you’re new to Carer Mentor, I recommend starting with this article: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?

This is not an end-of-year review.

I’m not ready or in the frame of mind to do a review of 2025. In fact, I want to stay longer in the liminal space.

I want to make more room for reflection, processing feelings, and generally stay a bit longer under the duvet… not literally; that’s not a carer-possible thing. I just don’t have to let a calendar dictate when and how I move through my feelings.

In my bespoke way of thriving, I’m absolving myself from being all perky and full of light and resolutions. I want to appreciate all the colours and shades of the year that’s past and make space for everything, including the grief for those who are no longer here, the pain and fear. It’s ALL here right now. This is what naturally emerges in December and why I tread the month cautiously. I know the signs.

I try not to struggle or fight these natural tendencies. I respect myself enough these days to approach the calendar change with simple curiosity and an open heart. When grief re-emerges, loving kindness is the gift I can give myself.

So, before this monthly roundup post, I shared this article. I recommend reading this if you’re feeling a little out of synch: ‘Another Year? Not yet, thanks.’ Caregivers, those grieving or anyone not quite ‘there yet’. I see you.

The December Round-up Newsletter Contains:

‘The Letters from a Caregiver’ Winter Season collaboration continued with the 4th to 7th letters:

The Winter Season of ‘Letters from a Caregiver.’ Life’s Tapestry: the nuances, choices, and caregiving despite the fear. By Victoria
‘You Each Deserve Your Own Life’ By Jodi Sh. Doff
‘Relearning Hope In A Time Of Darkeness’ By Victoria
‘Having Compassion for Your Earlier Self’ By Anna Du Pen
“Grasshopper, you are the expert” By Sarah Coomber
‘You Published Your Book! And Now What?’ By Cindy Martindale
‘The Light We Carry’ By Victoria

The next letter will be on January 8th.

The Bereavement and Grief Anthology has four new articles.

Do’s and Don’ts of supporting someone who’s grieving:

Q: What are some last-minute gift ideas for a grieving person (that are meaningful but require very little effort)? ‘Like most, I’m out of time and ideas, but I still want to show up for my grieving friend in a thoughtful way— Late-to-the-game & desperate’ By Dana Frost.

Thanks to Dana, I was inspired to write 10 text messages as a gift for a good friend who had just lost the love of his life. They were much appreciated, and I felt useful. As Dana says,” Grief often steals language. This gives them words when they don’t have any. I recommend reading her article for the details.

Anticipatory Grief:

Your Grief Is Real, Even If They’re Still Here By CJ Infantino

The following quote from CJ’s article offers a sharp focus on a reality few openly discuss:

“She was dying. She needed money now.
I was surviving. I needed money later.
Her cancer dug a ditch between our now two goals, which were once united.
Anticipatory grief will overwhelm you and your relationships. It will create destructive patterns in your life–when left unchecked. Unacknowledged and ignored.”

I’ve seen this with friends, particularly in the US, given the cost of care and college. Everyone worries about future finances for sustaining quality care, and whatever happens ‘later.’

CJ shares some of his practical tips and thoughts about anticipatory grief to help others through what he navigates, caring for his wife Ariana, who has terminal cancer.

Widow | Widower | Grief of a Partner

It is Not About Healing From Your Grief By Mel Schlesinger

In this article, and his publication “Loss to Living”, Mel shares his

“journey with grief after the death of my wife and soulmate of 47 years and 9 months”

“From the very first week, I have taken a very aggressive approach to dealing with my grief. Five days after she died, I forced myself to go to my first bereavement support group. And I mean that I forced myself because my instinct was to stay home and be sad.
I will not bore you with everything I did, but I want to share one thing: I did a lot of research and reading, and I still read a lot about grief. What I learned is that there is no timeline for the grief journey. No roadmap tells you to do this during week one, then during week two, and then these things in week three. While there is no timeline or roadmap, we can still make choices. I chose to take action despite the overwhelming impulse to do nothing.” [Read more about his reflections and explorations here]

Grief of a Child / Adult child

A Symphony for One Heart Missing I will keep listening. Keep loving. by Kelly - Mothers never give up. Please read this beautiful article and Kelly’s publication. Here’s a sample of why:

“This Orchestra Hall, a sanctuary for Kevin and I, used to be a place for us to spend countless Mother-Son “date nights”. It was where he and I breathed together in rhythm with the orchestra, our hearts beating in harmony with Mahler, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff... Side by side, rain or shine, year after year, those magical nights through every season and circumstance.
He was a child of music - a pianist, violinist and composer. Each note he played, each line he wrote, carried the rhythm of a soul too vast for his years.”

The Caregiving Hacks and Tips

After my mother fell a few days ago, we refreshed our knowledge and our go-bags.

At Home Safety - I’ve included videos on how to safely check yourself/your loved one after a fall onto the floor, and how to manoeuvre yourself / gently talk your loved one through getting up safely.
Priming for Hospital. Everyone needs these insights! I highly recommend priming 2 GO BAGS for hospital emergencies.
Yesterday, my mother and I unpacked and rechecked her Hospital Go-Bag, my Caregivers Go-Bag and the 1-page summary sheet of her medical history, allergies and medications. Chucked: out-of-date protein bars, Swapped cotton blanket, aka big shawl, Rotated short sleeve T-shirts….and I realised that I can use Mum’s go-bag for myself if I ever need it.

Giving and Receiving Care Anthology

In this anthology, new chapters share lived experiences about accessing care support:

Navigating Access to Care Support in Australia.

This is an article about organising care in the US by Anna De La Cruz that she shared via a note saying, “You have a 401k - but are you (and your parents) really planning for elder care scenarios? I shared how my mom’s diagnosis wiped out her savings in my latest article in Business Insider.”

A Business Insider article by Anna De La Cruz My mother prepared for retirement, but a dementia diagnosis wiped out her savings. I had to scramble to figure out her care.

Carer Mentor’s Community Hub: A dynamic space for Q&A, and community networking

This month, I started a ‘Community Hub’ housed on the Website (Desktop Web version of Carer Mentor)

Many caregivers don’t have the time, energy or inclination to scroll through a feed of general notes and articles to find what they’re looking for. This is a place to connect with like-minded souls to exchange ideas and ask questions, without being tied to a specific time, date, or place. Only time will tell if this serves its intended purpose.

It’s a gated community. Please use this discount to join the community, or contact me so that I can give you free access. No questions asked. Direct message on Substack or email: vlchin@carermentor.com. If you wish to cancel your subscription at any time, please read this information.

50% Forever