'You Published Your Book! And Now What?' By Cindy Martindale.

The Sixth 'Letter from a Caregiver,' Winter Season 2025/26

The ‘Letters from a Caregiver’ Collaboration series continues with this article, the sixth letter of the Winter 2025/26 Season.

Previous letters, this season:

1. The Winter Season of ‘Letters from a Caregiver.’ Life’s Tapestry: the nuances, choices, and caregiving despite the fear. By Victoria

2. ‘You Each Deserve Your Own Life’ By Jodi Sh. Doff

3. ‘Relearning Hope In A Time Of Darkeness’ By Victoria

4. ‘Having Compassion for Your Earlier Self’ By Anna Du Pen

5. “Grasshopper, you are the expert” By Sarah Coomber

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Hello, dear Friends! A warm welcome to the new Carer Mentor subscribers.

If you’re new to Carer Mentor, you can learn more about me through Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?

It’s hard to believe next week is Christmas Day! Wowser.

I hope you and your loved ones are okay, or as stable and ok as they can be. This is such a tough time of year for many. So, I’m sending out extra hugs, warm wishes and strength to anyone that needs it (hand sanitised so we don’t pass on flu, Covid or pneumonia, which is rampant right now!)

Today’s letter is by Cindy Martindale whom I met this year on Substack. You’ll see that her letter is not directly about caregiving but about her personal challenges of writing a book about her caregiving experiences.

When I set out the collaboration brief, I wanted to ensure that everyone had the freedom to write about any personal challenge. We may be caregivers; that’s just one facet of who we are. It may be a very big or dominant facet, but it’s not our entire identity (although it may feel like that at intense periods of the rollercoaster-ing or crisis!).

I’m grateful to Cindy for sharing her writer’s wisdom and experience with her younger self in this letter.

You’ll see the challenges, weight and pressure Cindy has navigated to meet her own confessed high standards.

Cindy’s had a powerful desire and purpose to support ageing seniors and their family caregivers for a very long time. It’s inspiring to hear about how she strove to get her book published and into the hands of those who’d benefit from its wisdom.

I know several friends who may be seeking her book advice now!

Author’s Bio: Cindy Martindale is a writer and newsletter creator who shares her experiences as the primary caregiver for her parents and as a director in Community Senior Living. She consolidated her desires to help aging seniors and their family caregivers in her book, Graceful Last Chapters: Helping Seniors Who Need More Care, and in a weekly newsletter, “Smarter Caring, Smarter Living.”

Dear 2017 Cindy,

How am I talking to you from eight years into your future? Don’t be afraid, it’s really me, your future self, coming to you with so much love and support. Quite simply, don’t question how this window of opportunity through time exists. All I know is it’s possible for only a short time through the magic of Victoria’s Carer Mentor, found deep in the mystical United Kingdom. Let’s use our time wisely!

You, my dear younger me, did something quite remarkable two years ago, and I’m so proud of what you accomplished. With absolutely no help from anyone (except son Adam with the computer snags and snafus), you codified life events, twists, and turns of the past twenty years, retold salient pieces in your own voice, and turned it into a published book!

It was, of course, a book about what became your passion—care for aging loved ones and those who care for them—and it may please you to know that it still is my passion. You lifted bits of valuable material from loosely fenced-off memories, joys, tragedies, dreams, disappointments, and boundless hope to assemble a product for others: caregivers and aging seniors who might benefit from what you’ve learned from your experiences.

It was a dream you made come true… to one day write a book and share something meaningful to help others. You did that, all by yourself. You successfully became the definition of an Indie writer/publisher when Graceful Last Chapters: Helping Seniors Who Need More Care went public on September 15, 2015.

Was it quick and easy? No, it was not; it represented three years of your life and a commitment to uncertainty you’d never known before. Yes, your writing abilities saved you throughout your years in school and advanced education, but what about everything that goes into creating a book? The proofreading, editing, formatting, designing the cover, and all the minutiae that make a book saleable? That was new and all you.

Still, through the blood, sweat, and tears (in reality, no blood; minimal sweat but endless hours; and tears only when remembering the details of losing Mom and Dad), the message and assemblage of a book all came together and brought a sense of closure to a very long and sometimes painful chapter of your life.

The process was cathartic. It helped you heal, not only from the family losing Mom and Dad, but also from the trauma of your decision to quit two management positions in an industry, Community Senior Living, you loved. It helped unlock and reframe events, turning them into useful learning tools. So, that was a good thing, right?

And now we’re getting to the main reason I’m writing to you, 2017 Cindy, two years after publication. By 2025, the year from which I’m writing to you, it’s been ten years since the book’s release, and my perspective is different from yours. I’ve got the long view, and I want to share some thoughts—with all the love and support I can wrap into each sentence.

During the ten intervening years from publication to 2025, I’ve had the luxury of time to think, dissect, and question our viewpoint of family events and the career decisions we made. I’ve asked, time and again, whether the truths we captured and internalized are correct, both when the book was published and years later. You’ll be happy to know, I think it was.

The reason for the pondering is that I know you. You’re me, simply a younger version. And I know you, the 2017 version of me, still carries disappointment and feelings of failure about Graceful Last Chapters.

Don’t try to wiggle out of it—the book definitely feels less than an accomplishment and more like some weighty baggage you’re dragging around, doesn’t it? I know it does. I’ll even go so far as to call a spade a spade: you’re disenchanted with writing in general.

In fact, you’re not writing at all. And you’re looking for other ways, money-making enterprises (or at least that’s what you say out loud), to earn a living other than by writing.

I’m sorry, I know I’m being a little rough on you by calling out the hard truth. But I think it’s time to try reframing some of our misaligned thinking.

1. I know you remember being called a “perfectionist” on occasion, and it generally offended you as an unfitting accusation. However, in the time between where you are and where I exist, I’ve given the label serious consideration and see the truth in it. You and I hold ourselves to extremely high standards of completion in everything we do, and we’ve occasionally tied ourselves in complete knots. I’ve come to understand that we need a measure of elasticity in what we expect of ourselves. It’s simply a healthier way to live, and I want you to try adjusting your demands on yourself very soon, my dear one.

You won’t see slippage in the quality of whatever you’re trying to do. I can guarantee it, as I know your version of good enough is better than most and more than good enough.

2. Now, I want you to try going back to your book’s publication and apply relaxed expectations to the outcome. Let’s look at what we know.

You spent a fortune on getting your manuscript printed as a book and distributed for sale, but there were few options available for Indie writers. Kindle Direct Publishing (2007) was available, but only for Kindle; paperbacks through KDP didn’t start until 2016, with hardbacks in 2021. You paid for what you wanted, the cost of doing business. It was your choice, and you made it.

The problem became that the money pot was pretty close to empty when it became time to market the book. No marketing, no visibility. But you did what you could: exchanging book copies for reviews, PR announcements, newspaper articles, a radio show, and even Newsjacking to position expertise by tying into news events.

There’s no fault at your feet; you did what you could.

3. It’s really all about the number of books that sold, isn’t it? You wanted to help more seniors and their caregivers and, at the same time, see your standing as a writer validated. Two wishes, and neither truly came through for you.

No, it wasn’t a New York Times bestseller, far from it. In truth, though, Graceful Last Chapters is not the kind of book that ever receives that type of recognition.

And last but not least, Reader Comments and Recommendations. Did you really absorb and process what your readers had to say, or did you just count how many of them were there? Look at these:

❖ It is rare to encounter such an obviously experienced counselor in the field of Senior Care as Cynthia, who, on every page of this impressive and ultimately authoritative guide, demonstrates such tenderness, calm, and candor.

❖ Having read many resources on care for seniors and worked with families with caregiving for seniors, this reviewer considers Cynthia’s book a Bible– kind, intelligent, informative, patient, and humanitarian. It is an award-worthy accomplishment and a must-read for everyone.

❖ Reading this book is like sitting down for coffee with a good friend—a good friend who also happens to have decades of experience working in elder care and who supervised the care of her own aging parents.

❖ This book captures not only the practical information on choices for seniors, but also the tougher emotional side of caring for loved ones as they age.

❖ Throughout the work, Cynthia Martindale focuses on understanding the aging individual and on meeting their needs in a meaningful, caring way. She also acknowledges the feelings associated with being a caregiver - the frustration, fatigue, pain, etc - and shares her insight on how to deal with those emotions and take care of oneself while still providing the best care for your loved one.

❖ This is the book my brother and I wish had been available years ago when our own parents needed increasing care. I cannot give “Graceful Last Chapters” enough superlatives.

Wow. Just Wow. These reviews are remarkably full of superlatives and indications that Graceful Last Chapters not only touched your readers deeply, but it also helped them learn points of navigation within the somewhat forbidding and unknown world of Senior Care. Your job is done.

You are a writer, a published author, and an expert in Community Senior Living and Caregiving, who writes about helpful approaches and knowledge for those exploring the boundaries of care for someone they dearly love.

You did it, and you are what you wanted to become for a very long time, a writer who writes.

Our time together is dwindling, but I have one more thing to share with you. In my time, 2025, I am a full-time writer about the seniors and their caregivers who mean so much to us. It’s challenging but also incredibly rewarding to hear from readers that what I write seems directed to them personally, and they thank me for my content. I write on a digital platform that doesn’t exist yet in your time, but it will. It’s all about building a community of supportive readers who “get” the exhaustion and frustration of (for me and my newsletter) other family caregivers. Very cool, and you’ll love it. Get ready.

If I may, please consider dropping your search for online roads to riches that don’t involve doing what you do best, writing. When I look back on the years between you and me, I regret very little. But I do realize the “lost years,” where you are now, add nothing from the exploration except the loss of some money to try something new, yet bring nothing that moves the needle forward. Think about it. Please.

Lots of love and long-distance hugs to you, your wonderful guys, Gary and Adam, and of course, kitties Scarlett and Franklin, who rule the house. Maybe consider a little cushion for Scarlett on the step at the bend in the stairs where she looks out the window at trees, squirrels, and birds? She’s getting older, you know, and her legs might get tired standing to see outside. What do you think?

With so much gratitude for our time together today (and for the magic of the UK’s Victoria Carer Mentor) — All my best,

2025 Cindy

The Closing Rapid Fire Questions from Victoria:

1. Fill in the blank: ‘Courage to me is

   Courage, to me, is doing the right thing: the inability to think about yourself in the situation and to focus entirely on someone else who needs your help.

2. Thinking of someone you admire/respect (friend/colleague/well-known person), name three of their standout qualities/characteristics

In addition to loving Gary, my husband of 48 years, I also admire and respect how he’s moving through several tough diagnoses. He’s currently in remission from cancer of his adrenal glands and Stage 4 lung cancer. However, after prostate cancer in 2000 and implantation of radioactive seeds, he’s been clear for twenty-five years until a few weeks ago. He’s also right next door to end-stage renal failure. Despite all this, he’s like the Energizer bunny—he just keeps on keeping on. He is still working an almost 40-hour week and somehow maintains his usual disposition as he continues to do whatever he wants. It’s amazing. And I honestly believe anyone who didn’t know about his health concerns wouldn’t see a difference from the man they’ve always known. I admire his tenacity and respect his right to do as he pleases for as long as he can. At this point, he refuses to give in.

3. What’s one quote/movie/book that’s inspired you?

   “Pintimento: A Book of Portraits”, Lillian Hellman

   Pentimento: A Book of Portraits is a 1973 book by American writer Lillian Hellman. It takes the form of an autobiographical work, focusing on “portraits“ of various people that had effects on the author throughout her life.

A prompt for readers’ discussion

Have you (or someone close to you) ever experienced some “lost years?”

Let’s loosely define them as years when we’re busy doing things that may look productive, but we’re actually avoiding something that feels like failure and not moving forward. What happened next?

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