Such wise perspectives in this essay! This made my heart both ache and be filled with joy:
"In the darkest, toughest moments when I didn't think I had any more energy or emotional capacity, I experienced acute joy. Not happiness. It's not a pleasant feeling and can hurt badly. Within the pin-sharp pain is meaning, filling me, connecting us-past, present and future. Even in the grief."
I know the joy you experience is deep and, might I say, heart-earned?
I recently experienced joy in painting and in gardening, both of which require being present in every second.
Chasing after external recognition really is a "kill joy."
Unfortunately, we have to learn to have our hearts wide open, because knowing the pain and suffering makes us recognise meaningful joy. I'm still learning to find the small moments.
I'm thrilled that you're finding joy in painting and gardening.
Indeed. I guess the depth of joy is proportional to the level of openness one is willing to exercise with the heart! You probably know this--the Chinese word for happy is literally "open heart." I guess in the context of what you've written here, it actually means joy!
May we find small moments of joy without deliberately seeking :-)
This all makes so much sense! I've often wondered if those who focus on happiness are also those who don't find it...those who do find it are too busy just enjoying their lives to think about it...if that makes sense
Thanks, Kirbie. Yes that makes sense and aligns with the research. Focusing on happiness as a goal, trying to control events, contrive happiness means we often lose sight of the emotion itself.
I like how you separated joy from happiness. Happiness comes in moments, some longer than others. Joy comes from the decisions we make, the position we take in relation to people and the everyday way we live our lives.
I accidentally sent that message too quickly. Now because of our “disabilities “ I can’t get there anymore. Now joy comes to me when Jenny and I take long car rides just to be together with no interruptions.
Awww, yes, Judi I can imagine how the joy of simple pleasures means even more now. xo I'm imagining you and Jenny listening to music in the car as you ride along.
For me, in the darkest of times - really the worst - I've experienced the most profound, intense, and sharpest (albeit bittersweet) joy - perhaps because it was related to loved ones, as you said. Where/when have you felt your joy?
Thanks Jon! Through work and even now, caregiving, I plan for the worst and hope for the best. Perhaps more crisis management-like than before, because there's 'more on the line' than budget allocations! I'm still an optimist just less perfectionist!
And...Penfold?!? I'll have to explore your work! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!
Thanks, Cherie. As I share more of what I've found and researched, I realise how much it's resonating with readers. There is a thirst for sharing our collective wisdom. I hope that providing the research and evidence of experts can give us all insights and inspiration, on top of our empathy.
Being ok with things left unfinished has been a big one for me. But there’s always more unfinished than finished. It’s a rhythm I’ve grown used to and, funnily, being tired helps. 😄
Thanks Phyllis, when you're caregiving (may I say especially for a dementia patient) nothing is predictable. I remember catching myself piling on frustration with myself and starting to get irritated with Dad or Mum because I couldn't get laundry finished, or I was in the middle of checking house admin...there's a never-ending to-do list!
I try hard to reframe my thinking to, 'I've got a bit more done...(and write myself a post-it on what's next - because I'm likely to forget) then I get back to it later. Lists never end..
SO I'm relieved to hear you've found your rhythm, I hope you have support so you can rest.
Think this dichotomy has similarities with the self-awareness paradox the more we know, the more we know how little we know. And conversely, when we have limited self-awareness we think we’re very self aware.
Here chasing happiness leads to unhappiness. Standing still means we become content with what we have
Hi Nia - Thanks. I think your work on self awareness is much needed, to ensure we sustain a growth mindset and our curiosity. I agree as our horizons expand so does our awareness that there's so much more to learn out there. Hopefully we can expand & diversify the way we learn to encompass more, as well as the facts themselves.
The research here shows an indirect correlation, I mean I think its the pursuit & focus of the feeling that backfires. I don't think standing still we become content - life throws stuff at us, I think if we don't intentionally / mindfully be aware or open to what life is in the present we could default to 'falling victim' or only fire-fight react to what life throws at us..to paraphrase, I like to think fully engaging in life learning agility with our emotions can help us navigate through and help us to be more resilient. Does that resonate?
I'm talking mainly from a caregiver's perspective here, as the intensity and myriad of emotions can overwhelm. Hence, the postscript video. Having the courage to navigate and move through pain/the present despite fear and pain is a huge challenge. Of course it applies to everyone though, Thoughts?
I hope the next articles in the pipeline will interest you re. emotional intelligence and more research!
Yes I was probably being too metaphorical. I was thinking about Fred Luskin’s talk about forgiveness at the World Happiness Summit - happiness is being content with what we have. Stress is wanting something self.
Thanks, Nia - always great to exchange with you. One day we'll swap work stories. I know that all the training and opps I had building global Cross Fx, multicultural teams has enabled me to be a better communicator and caregiver, - self leadership and 'influencing without direct reports' you know the stuff. Let's say orchestrating all the different stakeholders in our vicinity is an art AND science ;-)
....which is why I need to share all this is my longwinded point ;-)
There's an article down the pipeline on cultural diversity with all this too. best wishes!
Thanks, Zan - I totally agree! It was reassuring. A little scary too. The most important piece for me is realising that being open to the full range of our own emotions can mean we Struggle less overall. There are a couple of articles I think you'll enjoy over the next weeks. Intros to other experts. Feel free to build on what's here or the next articles! Amplifying these messages is good for all of us, and we can all Rise! ;-)
Such wise perspectives in this essay! This made my heart both ache and be filled with joy:
"In the darkest, toughest moments when I didn't think I had any more energy or emotional capacity, I experienced acute joy. Not happiness. It's not a pleasant feeling and can hurt badly. Within the pin-sharp pain is meaning, filling me, connecting us-past, present and future. Even in the grief."
I know the joy you experience is deep and, might I say, heart-earned?
I recently experienced joy in painting and in gardening, both of which require being present in every second.
Chasing after external recognition really is a "kill joy."
Thanks, hon.
Unfortunately, we have to learn to have our hearts wide open, because knowing the pain and suffering makes us recognise meaningful joy. I'm still learning to find the small moments.
I'm thrilled that you're finding joy in painting and gardening.
Hugs.
Indeed. I guess the depth of joy is proportional to the level of openness one is willing to exercise with the heart! You probably know this--the Chinese word for happy is literally "open heart." I guess in the context of what you've written here, it actually means joy!
May we find small moments of joy without deliberately seeking :-)
Hugs 💕💕💕
I didn't know that, thanks for sharing. xo
Happy to share.
Here's how it looks:
開心
Interesting! Thanks. Saved.
This all makes so much sense! I've often wondered if those who focus on happiness are also those who don't find it...those who do find it are too busy just enjoying their lives to think about it...if that makes sense
Thanks, Kirbie. Yes that makes sense and aligns with the research. Focusing on happiness as a goal, trying to control events, contrive happiness means we often lose sight of the emotion itself.
You may like to read this post by Maya Shankar - I highly recommend her podcast 'A Slight Change of Plans' (Pushkin) : https://changewithmaya.substack.com/p/on-being-happy-with-your-life-vs
Thanks I'll check it out
I like how you separated joy from happiness. Happiness comes in moments, some longer than others. Joy comes from the decisions we make, the position we take in relation to people and the everyday way we live our lives.
Actually we keep it silent for a while then turn on the radio to listen to the Cleveland Guardians lose again.
XOXO
I accidentally sent that message too quickly. Now because of our “disabilities “ I can’t get there anymore. Now joy comes to me when Jenny and I take long car rides just to be together with no interruptions.
Awww, yes, Judi I can imagine how the joy of simple pleasures means even more now. xo I'm imagining you and Jenny listening to music in the car as you ride along.
Thank you, Judi. xo
For me, in the darkest of times - really the worst - I've experienced the most profound, intense, and sharpest (albeit bittersweet) joy - perhaps because it was related to loved ones, as you said. Where/when have you felt your joy?
Not during my depression. I’ve experienced the most joy in nature by myself. It’s where I’ve sensed some source bigger than myself.
Thanks for sharing, Judi. Wonder in nature is awe inspiring for sure!
Great read. For me happiness is having lower expectations so I don’t need to strive for what other have. Am pretty happy most of the time too 🤩
Thanks Jon! Through work and even now, caregiving, I plan for the worst and hope for the best. Perhaps more crisis management-like than before, because there's 'more on the line' than budget allocations! I'm still an optimist just less perfectionist!
And...Penfold?!? I'll have to explore your work! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!
So full of wisdom, Victoria! I love the joy vs happiness definitions. Thank you!
Thanks, Cherie. As I share more of what I've found and researched, I realise how much it's resonating with readers. There is a thirst for sharing our collective wisdom. I hope that providing the research and evidence of experts can give us all insights and inspiration, on top of our empathy.
Being ok with things left unfinished has been a big one for me. But there’s always more unfinished than finished. It’s a rhythm I’ve grown used to and, funnily, being tired helps. 😄
Thanks Phyllis, when you're caregiving (may I say especially for a dementia patient) nothing is predictable. I remember catching myself piling on frustration with myself and starting to get irritated with Dad or Mum because I couldn't get laundry finished, or I was in the middle of checking house admin...there's a never-ending to-do list!
I try hard to reframe my thinking to, 'I've got a bit more done...(and write myself a post-it on what's next - because I'm likely to forget) then I get back to it later. Lists never end..
SO I'm relieved to hear you've found your rhythm, I hope you have support so you can rest.
Very interesting.
Think this dichotomy has similarities with the self-awareness paradox the more we know, the more we know how little we know. And conversely, when we have limited self-awareness we think we’re very self aware.
Here chasing happiness leads to unhappiness. Standing still means we become content with what we have
Hi Nia - Thanks. I think your work on self awareness is much needed, to ensure we sustain a growth mindset and our curiosity. I agree as our horizons expand so does our awareness that there's so much more to learn out there. Hopefully we can expand & diversify the way we learn to encompass more, as well as the facts themselves.
The research here shows an indirect correlation, I mean I think its the pursuit & focus of the feeling that backfires. I don't think standing still we become content - life throws stuff at us, I think if we don't intentionally / mindfully be aware or open to what life is in the present we could default to 'falling victim' or only fire-fight react to what life throws at us..to paraphrase, I like to think fully engaging in life learning agility with our emotions can help us navigate through and help us to be more resilient. Does that resonate?
I'm talking mainly from a caregiver's perspective here, as the intensity and myriad of emotions can overwhelm. Hence, the postscript video. Having the courage to navigate and move through pain/the present despite fear and pain is a huge challenge. Of course it applies to everyone though, Thoughts?
I hope the next articles in the pipeline will interest you re. emotional intelligence and more research!
Yes I was probably being too metaphorical. I was thinking about Fred Luskin’s talk about forgiveness at the World Happiness Summit - happiness is being content with what we have. Stress is wanting something self.
Very much looking forward to the next article!!!
Thanks, Nia - always great to exchange with you. One day we'll swap work stories. I know that all the training and opps I had building global Cross Fx, multicultural teams has enabled me to be a better communicator and caregiver, - self leadership and 'influencing without direct reports' you know the stuff. Let's say orchestrating all the different stakeholders in our vicinity is an art AND science ;-)
....which is why I need to share all this is my longwinded point ;-)
There's an article down the pipeline on cultural diversity with all this too. best wishes!
Love this round-up Victoria - Russ Harris' The Happiness Trap was a super important book for me to get my head around what you so aptly describe!
Thanks, Zan - I totally agree! It was reassuring. A little scary too. The most important piece for me is realising that being open to the full range of our own emotions can mean we Struggle less overall. There are a couple of articles I think you'll enjoy over the next weeks. Intros to other experts. Feel free to build on what's here or the next articles! Amplifying these messages is good for all of us, and we can all Rise! ;-)
Thanks! Looking forward to them