Resource: 'Dr. Lucy Hone's TED Talk 'The Three Secrets of Resilient People.'

September 25, 2019. A powerful video that strikes a chord.

This was a video I’ve carried with me along my journey because it’s inspirational.

A TEDTalk to share: Dr Lucy Hone is a resilience expert who thought she found her calling supporting people to recover following the Christchurch earthquake. She had no idea that her personal journey was about to take her to a far darker place. In this powerful and courageous talk, she shares the three strategies that got her through an unimaginable tragedy⁠—and offers a profound insight into human suffering.

Lucy Hone | TEDxChristchurch

September 25, 2019.

Dr Lucy Hone is a director of the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing & Resilience, a research associate at AUT University, and a published academic researcher, best-selling author and contributor to Psychology Today, the Sunday Star Times and Next magazine. 

She trained at the University of Pennsylvania and got her PhD in public health at AUT University in Auckland. She has helped various organisations—from primary schools to leading law firms—design and implement well-being initiatives creating sustained and meaningful change.  Five years ago, the sudden death of Lucy’s 12-year-old daughter Abi forced Lucy to turn her academic training and professional practice to foster resilience in very personal circumstances. The blog she wrote in the aftermath of Abi’s death attracted international attention and resulted in the best-selling non-fiction title, What Abi Taught Us, Strategies for Resilient Grieving (Allen & Unwin, 2016), now available as Resilient Grieving in the US, UK and NZ. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community.

The 3 strategies:

Lucy Hone articulates three strategies we can employ in our daily lives.

1. At 7 minutes 8 seconds: Resilient people get that shit happens. They know suffering is a part of life, the human experience, and there is less focus on self-victimising ‘Why me’. Focus on ‘Why not me’. i.e. I’m not alone in feeling this way, I haven’t been singled out.

2. At 8 minutes 16 seconds:

   1. Resilient people are very good at where they focus their intentions. They realistically appraise and focus on things they can change and accept what they can’t. Whilst our ancestors were hard-wired to focus on the negatives for survival, we are bombarded by negatives in these modern times.

   2. Resilient people don’t dial out the negatives; they dial MORE into the positives, choosing to zone into the positives. Benefit-finding. Resilient people count their blessings and actively seek things to be grateful for. In this day and age, we may need more reminders, language, and intent to give ourselves ‘permission’ to do this.

   3. Find the right language and intentionally, deliberately, and consistently with ongoing effect, identify the positives.

3. At 12 minutes 22 seconds, ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing helping or harming me?” Consciously ask the question and Be Kind to yourself. This will give you back control and probably give you a reason to put down that bottle of wine so that you can get some deeper sleep (even if it is short!).

Despite all the challenges, painful moments, and bittersweet moments in our caregiving journey, we’ve had some incredibly high-quality, meaningful moments that we’ve shared in our love bubble, for which I’m so grateful. These are other small blessings or moments were enough to keep me going.

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An Introduction to 'Emotional Agility'

Resource: Dr. Susan David's Concept of 'Stepping Out'