24 Comments
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Janine Cutting's avatar

Victoria, I am so happy I have found your community. With two aging parents living just down the street from me, I am their main support. I have been feeling a little unprepared for how to help them navigate recent changes in their health and needs, but now I feel I have somewhere to turn for resources and information.

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Victoria's avatar

Hi Janine! I'm happy you found Carer Mentor too! If you have any specific questions, feel free to DM me. There must be lots running through your mind on top of everything else you've been through. Here if you need an ear to hear/read, or if you're seeking ideas/answers.

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Janine Cutting's avatar

Thank you so much, Victoria! I will definitely take you up on that.

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Chris Anselmo's avatar

I can relate to so much of this. It is such a relief to speak to others who understand the caregiving experience. It's almost impossible to convey to anyone else what it's like, even if they want to learn/know.

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Victoria's avatar

I hear you, Chris. We'll keep raising awareness to help others understand so we can all connect more. Keep doing what you're doing, as uncomfortable as it may be it's all important work.

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Amy Brown's avatar

Thank you for introducing me to Poet Ali and his "soulosophy." Loved his Ted Talk!

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Victoria's avatar

Welcome, Amy! He has a whole YouTube channel

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Sheila's avatar

What a great TED talk, thank you for sharing and for sharing your reflections on caregiving.

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Victoria's avatar

You're very welcome, Sheila. Thanks for reading-watching and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate your feedback. I save good resources/talks/articles in my reference system, so there's lots more to come! best wishes

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Sheila's avatar

Well I’m subscribed and look forward to reading more! 💚

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Victoria's avatar

Thanks, yes I realised you subscribed in April - YAY! Thanks. The series on Emotional agility has several videos by Susan David you may enjoy. Have fun exploring.

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Sheila's avatar

Thank you so much! I’ll check them out!

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Victoria's avatar

This one packs a punch: https://www.carermentor.com/p/susan-davids-tedtalk-november-2017?r=a9y7d&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

I read her book every year, and feel like I find something or many new perspectives each time!

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Zan Tafakari's avatar

This was so powerful - thank you for sharing your story and your experience! Poet Ali has some lovely ways of describing the power of shared experiences that most others couldn't probably put in words

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Victoria's avatar

Thanks, Zan - I thought you'd like it! He's got a youtube channel. Yes, articulate and savvy he did a similar talk in 2014 but this one really hit home.

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Zan Tafakari's avatar

I'll take a look!

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Marychris Melli's avatar

Wonderful reminders as I walk this journey with my mother. I fall into the .. don’t do this anymore … please do it for me trap a lot. Thanks again Victoria for supporting us all.

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Victoria's avatar

Oh I hear you Marychris - I'm not perfect! Especially if there's a sudden thing I get really short when I get scared about Mum, caused by bumps or thumps from when Dad had a fall...but, these days I'm trying to get better at taking a big breath before responding. If you have a Question or thought, feel free to DM me via the app, to swap ideas/tips.

Uncomfortable silences can be soothed with music, and bring about some natural conversation. We can only try our best..then pause;-)

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Marychris Melli's avatar

Thanks Victoria. It’s the falls that scare the heck out of me. I wish I could wrap her up in bubble wrap from head to toe;)! I love the music idea. Thanks for being open to DM.

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Victoria's avatar

Welcome. I've been through countless falls with Dad. It's why I tried to sear the sight/sound/smell of all the quiet moments. Yes, please do - direct message, I may not respond immediately but I will.

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An K.'s avatar

A "good" conversation depends on an open heart and an open mind.

... is based on a motive to find working solutions for all involved.

One of the hardest things to do these days...

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Victoria's avatar

Absolutely, An K! When there's an intent and potential we can try.

Expecting to have a 'good' conversation immediately is unrealistic too. Hard things and difficult things need a lot of listening and willingness. Much easier said than done these days in our hyper-busy lives.

Giving space and slowing down for active listening and meaningful conversation is a work-in-progress for us all!

I'm a hopeful optimist.

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Phyllis Capanna's avatar

My experience has been as both a professional healthcare provider and as an elder caregiver, and I’ve seen that some topics are best broached by a professional. I’ve often volunteered to bring something up with an elderly patient, suggesting to the daughter or son that it might be better received coming from a professional. As a caregiver for my Mom, I’ve seen her completely disregard my suggestions but take the same ones from a professional. My tip to caregivers: go for what works even if it’s a little bruising to your ego. Also, humor works wonders.

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Victoria's avatar

Really good points, Phyllis! Thanks! A 3rd-party can also mean the caregiver can be the daughter or son, or wife/husband etc, instead of having to be the caregiver. Being the bad-cop all the time is emotionally exhausting. Having someone else say it's not possible, is a big release from being called 'jailor'. Thanks for this valuable comment!

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