Thank you for this letter, Rachel. The first, most difficult choice was taking medical leave from my job in Brussels in 2015 (the 16th relocation from London to Belgium). I took the full one-year entitlement and then returned to the equivalent role in 2016. I'd climbed the career ladder.
Then realised 'career' is not a rigid linear definition (Ref Book: 'The Squiggly Career' by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis), and set up one company doing what I'm passionate about.
The next evolution was to redefine thriving and move away from 'career'; hence, Carer Mentor, a second company, and caring for my mother.
Squiggly is SUCH a good word, Victoria! As is evolution. Careers, like life, do not happen in straight lines. And new opportunities present themselves as you go along.
Rachel, I LOVE medical memoirs. My mom was a Nurse Practitioner and I have been life-long patient due to disabilities and various illnesses. Anyway, before mom got dementia, we would read medical memoirs together. I find reading stories from doctors and nurses on the frontlines to be fascinating. You would think that I would not want to read these stories, as I'm frequently at the doctor's office or in the hospital. On the contrary, I love them. Thank you for your wonderful article.
Thanks Carolyn, that means a lot. I think stories are so important, especially in medicine, and from both sides, so I am glad you write about your experiences, too. It helps others going through it and gives health professionals insights into the lived experience of illness. Thanks for your kind comment.
What a breathtaking post. So moving, so honest. I’ve been both the cared for and the caregiver and can deeply relate to both roles. Magnificent Substack all around. Will be recommending it on mine and directly to my friends who are now caregiving loved ones. 🙏🌹
Rachel, your letter is so vulnerable and beautiful!! The journey you’ve had has been so challenging!! To live on both sides and be able to give. So hard!!!
I, too, came back to therapy when I took up the primary caregiving role in our family. It was a huge help. Even though it felt excruciating at times. I had to learn how to edit. And say NO a lot!
“It’s best to learn early that saying no sometimes, admitting your vulnerability and asking for support is not a weakness. It’s a strength.”
I think in regards to my “career” and caregiving…it was a sacrifice. I couldn’t. I was hoping to be able to go back to work when my kids all went to elementary school. Well, the pandemic hit. So, I was home with them. Then, our son got sick in 2022. So, I just focused on my family. And began writing on Substack. And a few other endeavors. I’m finally free to “go back to work.”😄 I like to call it switching gears. I’m figuring things out-mid life! There’s always time. That’s my mantra.
Thank you for your kind words, Mary Beth. Switching gears is a good metaphor. You do what you have to do, depending on the road you’re on. Good luck with your new gearchange. I look forward to reading about it.
Thanks Janine - glad it resonated. Yes I guess it has been quite healing to write. I was fearful of sharing my vulnerability but I think we should all do that a bit more so others know it’s ok. Thanks for reading and commenting, much appreciated.
I really love your letter to your younger self. Yes, there are things that you will have to learn as you go, but it felt like there was an energetic healing along the way. I wonder if you felt that once this was published.
“You burn out doing a job you love, because 'Rachel will do it' is the motto at work, and you take misguided satisfaction from this. But trying to please everyone leads to you neglecting yourself.
Know your limits and find your ‘no’.”
I too am a people-pleaser and perfectionist, always figuring it was easier to do it myself and show that I could do it all. That definitely backfired, and I appreciate your advice.
Learning your boundaries, being OK with instilling those boundaries and saying NO has been huge for me!
Thank you for emphasizing that.
Your dual roles as doctor and caregiver are sure to add a supportive and helpful perspective. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Oh what a tender letter Rachel! Thank you for your honesty. I relate a lot to the late realisation of the effect of childhood trauma (as I’m sure you can imagine), and consequent tendency to perfectionism and people pleasing. And my career has been immensely affected by my caring roles, it would take an essay to write about it! It’s been extremely ‘squiggly’ and flatlined for longer than I’d have wanted tbh. But I am a big believer in seasons so am hopefully for the next season to be one in which my work takes more of a centre stage.
Thanks Siobhan. Seasons is also a good word for it. You must also recognise the value in your role as a caregiver though. And who knows what your next season will bring after all you have learnt in this one. My dear mum always said, everything happens for a reason.
Thank you for this letter, Rachel. The first, most difficult choice was taking medical leave from my job in Brussels in 2015 (the 16th relocation from London to Belgium). I took the full one-year entitlement and then returned to the equivalent role in 2016. I'd climbed the career ladder.
Then realised 'career' is not a rigid linear definition (Ref Book: 'The Squiggly Career' by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis), and set up one company doing what I'm passionate about.
The next evolution was to redefine thriving and move away from 'career'; hence, Carer Mentor, a second company, and caring for my mother.
Squiggly is SUCH a good word, Victoria! As is evolution. Careers, like life, do not happen in straight lines. And new opportunities present themselves as you go along.
Rachel, I LOVE medical memoirs. My mom was a Nurse Practitioner and I have been life-long patient due to disabilities and various illnesses. Anyway, before mom got dementia, we would read medical memoirs together. I find reading stories from doctors and nurses on the frontlines to be fascinating. You would think that I would not want to read these stories, as I'm frequently at the doctor's office or in the hospital. On the contrary, I love them. Thank you for your wonderful article.
Thanks Carolyn, that means a lot. I think stories are so important, especially in medicine, and from both sides, so I am glad you write about your experiences, too. It helps others going through it and gives health professionals insights into the lived experience of illness. Thanks for your kind comment.
What a breathtaking post. So moving, so honest. I’ve been both the cared for and the caregiver and can deeply relate to both roles. Magnificent Substack all around. Will be recommending it on mine and directly to my friends who are now caregiving loved ones. 🙏🌹
Thanks so much, Elizabeth.
Thanks so much Elizabeth for subscribing and your recommendation. We can all do with more empathy and support.
There's a lot of information, freely available in Carer Mentor - if you have any questions just let me know. best wishes.
Rachel, your letter is so vulnerable and beautiful!! The journey you’ve had has been so challenging!! To live on both sides and be able to give. So hard!!!
I, too, came back to therapy when I took up the primary caregiving role in our family. It was a huge help. Even though it felt excruciating at times. I had to learn how to edit. And say NO a lot!
“It’s best to learn early that saying no sometimes, admitting your vulnerability and asking for support is not a weakness. It’s a strength.”
I think in regards to my “career” and caregiving…it was a sacrifice. I couldn’t. I was hoping to be able to go back to work when my kids all went to elementary school. Well, the pandemic hit. So, I was home with them. Then, our son got sick in 2022. So, I just focused on my family. And began writing on Substack. And a few other endeavors. I’m finally free to “go back to work.”😄 I like to call it switching gears. I’m figuring things out-mid life! There’s always time. That’s my mantra.
Thank you for your kind words, Mary Beth. Switching gears is a good metaphor. You do what you have to do, depending on the road you’re on. Good luck with your new gearchange. I look forward to reading about it.
Thanks Rachel! It’s been such a blessing to cultivate my ambition again!😄 Having fun exploring!!
Thanks Janine - glad it resonated. Yes I guess it has been quite healing to write. I was fearful of sharing my vulnerability but I think we should all do that a bit more so others know it’s ok. Thanks for reading and commenting, much appreciated.
I really love your letter to your younger self. Yes, there are things that you will have to learn as you go, but it felt like there was an energetic healing along the way. I wonder if you felt that once this was published.
“You burn out doing a job you love, because 'Rachel will do it' is the motto at work, and you take misguided satisfaction from this. But trying to please everyone leads to you neglecting yourself.
Know your limits and find your ‘no’.”
I too am a people-pleaser and perfectionist, always figuring it was easier to do it myself and show that I could do it all. That definitely backfired, and I appreciate your advice.
Learning your boundaries, being OK with instilling those boundaries and saying NO has been huge for me!
Thank you for emphasizing that.
Your dual roles as doctor and caregiver are sure to add a supportive and helpful perspective. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Appreciate you!❤️
Oh what a tender letter Rachel! Thank you for your honesty. I relate a lot to the late realisation of the effect of childhood trauma (as I’m sure you can imagine), and consequent tendency to perfectionism and people pleasing. And my career has been immensely affected by my caring roles, it would take an essay to write about it! It’s been extremely ‘squiggly’ and flatlined for longer than I’d have wanted tbh. But I am a big believer in seasons so am hopefully for the next season to be one in which my work takes more of a centre stage.
Thanks Siobhan. Seasons is also a good word for it. You must also recognise the value in your role as a caregiver though. And who knows what your next season will bring after all you have learnt in this one. My dear mum always said, everything happens for a reason.
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for reading, Cali.