Victoria, I've already read a couple of the articles you've highlighted, but I look forward to checking out the rest. Thinking about crying, writing about crying... this requires a some deep breaths and a lot of looking inward. I'm looking forward to your month long series!
Thank you dear Cherie..I completely understand! I have the tissues and hugs ready for you...I've already used one box of tissues...partly just because I don't feel alone in the tears anymore!
I look forward to reading more from Munchin the sweet cuteness!
Yes, the veil felt like a shield. It was a barrier between myself and others.
It was an experience of caring more for my needs than upholding a stoic exterior. A melt rather than a complete undoing. Not that I’m anti letting it all out.
Isn’t that a great observation - that masks allowed us to express behind material what we are taught to hold in.
Do you think this relates to the (perceived) increased rudeness of people post pandemic? Heard this sentiment many times 😉
What an interesting question, Danusia! Maybe some of us grew accustomed to letting our faces show our true expressions behind our masks ... and now we take the masks away and ... yikes. I need to think about that a bit.
You have also caused me to think there are good reasons to wear veils at times ... to gain the freedom to be honest about our feelings while maintaining some privacy. A "slow melt" ... yes, I feel that.
Great topic. As a counselor and now as I still meet with several clients in my backyard office, tears frequently appear as we talk. I always feel honored when people feel safe enough to cry. Some people will brush away tears and start to apologize, and I always remind them tears wash the windows to our souls...this is a safe place, and I am honored to sit with them quietly. The whole range of emotions matter. Tears truly can be so healing.
That's beautiful Susan. I can feel the rich empathy and love you have for others. Thank you for taking the time to comment and share. I think we're conditioned into automatically apologising, it's like 'testing the waters' to see if the other person will really receive the tears or rush ahead. I appreciate you!
I lived a life (pre-sobriety) where the smallest sign of weakness, any chink in the armor and they'd ride right over you. The day I was attacked and brutalized by someone I knew, I called in late to work and tried to act as if nothing happened, nothing that needed discussing at least. Before I got sober, and for a long while after that, I was terrified of crying. I'd kept so much bottled up it felt like if I let myself start, I would simply be overwhelmed, crushed and drown. That I'd never be able to stop. With recovery and time and that's not the case anymore. Okay, Cymbalta helped too.
I rarely cry from my caregiving, even though it's heartbreaking. There are things I cannot talk to my best friend about because then *she* starts crying - like when Mom no longer remembered my name or recognized me. But, to me, that's just part of the progression of dementia. I knew it was coming. I didn't feel like crying. My friend has accused me of having no emotions. I keep it to myself, but I think she's crippled by her emotions.
Now I cry at commercials, or when someone unexpectedly starts talking about a particular dead friend, but if I'm going to be honest, there is still a part of me that views crying as a sign of weakness.
Thank you for sharing how you cry, Jodi. BIG hug. Heart aching for you at your attack and bottling all of it to carry on and stay strong.
There are so many threads in what you’ve shared that resonate, in the paradoxical sense of crying at what seems small but incisively cuts so deep we cry and trying to hold the dam back from crumbling, in fear of what will be unleashed.
BIG empathy and resonance. xo
Here with tissues if you need to talk caregiving anytime xo
What a perfect topic to start with. And so many rich pieces to read 🙏🏻
One flight from Miami to London is etched in my memory bank. I was wearing a black fascinator with veil and cried the entire flight in that slow drip silent weeping that no one realises about. Sounds dramatic because of the hat but I wore it in honour of my adopted mother’s death. She deserved ceremony and stirred feelings. ❤️
What a long flight that must have been, Danusia. I'm curious: Did you find the veil offered a sense of safety to shed those tears? How many times would a veil have helped me at least appear to maintain my composure ... or given me the privacy I have craved in an emotional moment ... Kind of like when we were pandemic-masking. That sometimes gave me a fortitude to express myself -- or not -- in new ways.
Thanks, Danusia. Yes, you can see why the four articles sparked the collaboration idea. I'm excited, curious and at some level also nervous about the depth of emotion I think we're all going to share...this is the deeper valley of emotion after all. However, given the support we express for each other, I'm hopeful this community will catch each other.
I have a vivid image of you in the hat on the plane now. Liminal spaces and journeys!!! I hear you. It sounds like you truly honoured her. Dramatic or not, it sounds like a very personal act, a symbol that marked her passing. These are the moments that stay with us.
Congratulations!!! I’m so excited to see your collaboration “launch” and get a better idea for what’s in store.
I’ve got many big thoughts and emotions on the topic of crying. Heck I want to cry happy tears for you putting this out into the world! I’m also allergic to my tears so that adds a whole other complicated layer.
I will revisit this article again after some sleep.. and I’m excited for the discussion thread too! 💜
Victoria, I've already read a couple of the articles you've highlighted, but I look forward to checking out the rest. Thinking about crying, writing about crying... this requires a some deep breaths and a lot of looking inward. I'm looking forward to your month long series!
Thank you dear Cherie..I completely understand! I have the tissues and hugs ready for you...I've already used one box of tissues...partly just because I don't feel alone in the tears anymore!
I look forward to reading more from Munchin the sweet cuteness!
It felt like a never ending one Sarah.
Yes, the veil felt like a shield. It was a barrier between myself and others.
It was an experience of caring more for my needs than upholding a stoic exterior. A melt rather than a complete undoing. Not that I’m anti letting it all out.
Isn’t that a great observation - that masks allowed us to express behind material what we are taught to hold in.
Do you think this relates to the (perceived) increased rudeness of people post pandemic? Heard this sentiment many times 😉
What an interesting question, Danusia! Maybe some of us grew accustomed to letting our faces show our true expressions behind our masks ... and now we take the masks away and ... yikes. I need to think about that a bit.
You have also caused me to think there are good reasons to wear veils at times ... to gain the freedom to be honest about our feelings while maintaining some privacy. A "slow melt" ... yes, I feel that.
Great topic. As a counselor and now as I still meet with several clients in my backyard office, tears frequently appear as we talk. I always feel honored when people feel safe enough to cry. Some people will brush away tears and start to apologize, and I always remind them tears wash the windows to our souls...this is a safe place, and I am honored to sit with them quietly. The whole range of emotions matter. Tears truly can be so healing.
That's beautiful Susan. I can feel the rich empathy and love you have for others. Thank you for taking the time to comment and share. I think we're conditioned into automatically apologising, it's like 'testing the waters' to see if the other person will really receive the tears or rush ahead. I appreciate you!
Love this initiative. Can't wait to read more!
Thanks, Rachel!
Yay!! Excited for this.
Thanks, Yes! Me too!!
I lived a life (pre-sobriety) where the smallest sign of weakness, any chink in the armor and they'd ride right over you. The day I was attacked and brutalized by someone I knew, I called in late to work and tried to act as if nothing happened, nothing that needed discussing at least. Before I got sober, and for a long while after that, I was terrified of crying. I'd kept so much bottled up it felt like if I let myself start, I would simply be overwhelmed, crushed and drown. That I'd never be able to stop. With recovery and time and that's not the case anymore. Okay, Cymbalta helped too.
I rarely cry from my caregiving, even though it's heartbreaking. There are things I cannot talk to my best friend about because then *she* starts crying - like when Mom no longer remembered my name or recognized me. But, to me, that's just part of the progression of dementia. I knew it was coming. I didn't feel like crying. My friend has accused me of having no emotions. I keep it to myself, but I think she's crippled by her emotions.
Now I cry at commercials, or when someone unexpectedly starts talking about a particular dead friend, but if I'm going to be honest, there is still a part of me that views crying as a sign of weakness.
Thank you for sharing how you cry, Jodi. BIG hug. Heart aching for you at your attack and bottling all of it to carry on and stay strong.
There are so many threads in what you’ve shared that resonate, in the paradoxical sense of crying at what seems small but incisively cuts so deep we cry and trying to hold the dam back from crumbling, in fear of what will be unleashed.
BIG empathy and resonance. xo
Here with tissues if you need to talk caregiving anytime xo
Congrats on your collaboration launch Victoria 🚀
What a perfect topic to start with. And so many rich pieces to read 🙏🏻
One flight from Miami to London is etched in my memory bank. I was wearing a black fascinator with veil and cried the entire flight in that slow drip silent weeping that no one realises about. Sounds dramatic because of the hat but I wore it in honour of my adopted mother’s death. She deserved ceremony and stirred feelings. ❤️
What a long flight that must have been, Danusia. I'm curious: Did you find the veil offered a sense of safety to shed those tears? How many times would a veil have helped me at least appear to maintain my composure ... or given me the privacy I have craved in an emotional moment ... Kind of like when we were pandemic-masking. That sometimes gave me a fortitude to express myself -- or not -- in new ways.
Sarah - Danusia has commented in the main thread here
Thanks, Danusia. Yes, you can see why the four articles sparked the collaboration idea. I'm excited, curious and at some level also nervous about the depth of emotion I think we're all going to share...this is the deeper valley of emotion after all. However, given the support we express for each other, I'm hopeful this community will catch each other.
I have a vivid image of you in the hat on the plane now. Liminal spaces and journeys!!! I hear you. It sounds like you truly honoured her. Dramatic or not, it sounds like a very personal act, a symbol that marked her passing. These are the moments that stay with us.
Congratulations!!! I’m so excited to see your collaboration “launch” and get a better idea for what’s in store.
I’ve got many big thoughts and emotions on the topic of crying. Heck I want to cry happy tears for you putting this out into the world! I’m also allergic to my tears so that adds a whole other complicated layer.
I will revisit this article again after some sleep.. and I’m excited for the discussion thread too! 💜
Thanks, hon. Ohhhh my gosh - being allergic to your own tears.
We'll be here to catch them. I'm trying to imagine what it must be like for you. Big hug.