Victoria, thank you for all of these resources and things to think about, as always! I'm still working my way through all of my emails and looking forward to reading all of yours that I've missed!
Hi Victoria, I read this with great interest, and will save it to puruse the linked videos later. The subject of bridging the gap in communication and thereby increasing understanding and empathy is a very important one in all kinds of human intereactions. And in the case of caregiving, it's high stake. One issue I want to point out is that when we are stretched to the limit with stress, our default wiring of the brain comes to the forefront, and when that happens, it is very very hard for the prefrontal cordex/CEO of the brain, to make decisions at the moment. It takes a lot of practice -- in peace times -- to learn how to over ride the amygdala's actions and defer to the prefrontal cordex. Which is why practicing mindfulness, stillness and processing skills in the space between stimulus and response is so important, For two years, i actively practiced the skills of "Real Dialogue," taught by psychotherapist and long-time zen Buddhist practitioner Polly Young-Eisendrath. It has taught me to take into account others' perspectives whenever I engage with them and try to bridge the gap of understanding.
I've written about this and my own take in this earlier essay. It's behind the pay wall now, but let me share the secret link so you can read it if you want:
Thanks, Louisa. Excellent point! Yes, creating the space and being mindFULL takes a lot of practice to 'catch' the moment. It's one of the points I was most concerned about in the 'dark days' in 2019; frustration could easily short-circuit mindfulness. It's why I hold fast to Viktor Frankl's quote - Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Of course, it's SO difficult in practice...easier perhaps, when we slow down our pace.
YES!!! That Victor Frankl quote was my guiding light when I was practicing Real Dialogue and rewiring the stimulus-response part of the brain. Part of the practice was to incorporate self-soothing and re-parenting, which I learned and practiced during my time with life coach @Deb Blum. It's true that gaining that freedom to CHOOSE is much easier said than done. It can't really be achieved by will power because it happens in the subconscious/unconscious mind.
An amazing piece with so many resources to unpack later. As a physiotherapist and a writer, finding ways to understand and communicate the human experience are integral to my way of being and showing up in the world - and I'm always looking to refine that and to discover those areas where I don't know what I don't know!
I love the idea of building bridges and meeting people where they are. It’s so important. I definitely tweak my approach to whoever I’m dealing with … though I don’t always find people do the same when caring for me.
I will have to think on this and figure out how I can communicate to my carers that a slightly different approach will work better with me depending on where I’m at (ie if I’m exhausted I need one approach, if I’m in an adrenaline surge I need a different one)
YESSSS! Exactly, this is what I was meaning in our DM...something to ponder on for later ;-) How can we share our experiences for others to feel 'armed' and enabled?
Victoria, thank you for all of these resources and things to think about, as always! I'm still working my way through all of my emails and looking forward to reading all of yours that I've missed!
Always welcome, Cherie! xo
Hi Victoria, I read this with great interest, and will save it to puruse the linked videos later. The subject of bridging the gap in communication and thereby increasing understanding and empathy is a very important one in all kinds of human intereactions. And in the case of caregiving, it's high stake. One issue I want to point out is that when we are stretched to the limit with stress, our default wiring of the brain comes to the forefront, and when that happens, it is very very hard for the prefrontal cordex/CEO of the brain, to make decisions at the moment. It takes a lot of practice -- in peace times -- to learn how to over ride the amygdala's actions and defer to the prefrontal cordex. Which is why practicing mindfulness, stillness and processing skills in the space between stimulus and response is so important, For two years, i actively practiced the skills of "Real Dialogue," taught by psychotherapist and long-time zen Buddhist practitioner Polly Young-Eisendrath. It has taught me to take into account others' perspectives whenever I engage with them and try to bridge the gap of understanding.
I've written about this and my own take in this earlier essay. It's behind the pay wall now, but let me share the secret link so you can read it if you want:
https://lilypond.substack.com/p/5973ede8-e520-4d5a-9994-680095d7d504
Cheers!
Thanks, Louisa. Excellent point! Yes, creating the space and being mindFULL takes a lot of practice to 'catch' the moment. It's one of the points I was most concerned about in the 'dark days' in 2019; frustration could easily short-circuit mindfulness. It's why I hold fast to Viktor Frankl's quote - Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Of course, it's SO difficult in practice...easier perhaps, when we slow down our pace.
Thanks for the link - saving to read.xo
YES!!! That Victor Frankl quote was my guiding light when I was practicing Real Dialogue and rewiring the stimulus-response part of the brain. Part of the practice was to incorporate self-soothing and re-parenting, which I learned and practiced during my time with life coach @Deb Blum. It's true that gaining that freedom to CHOOSE is much easier said than done. It can't really be achieved by will power because it happens in the subconscious/unconscious mind.
I'm saving your wise words with this article in my system! VERY well said, Louisa and taking note of Deb. Thank you!
An amazing piece with so many resources to unpack later. As a physiotherapist and a writer, finding ways to understand and communicate the human experience are integral to my way of being and showing up in the world - and I'm always looking to refine that and to discover those areas where I don't know what I don't know!
I love the idea of building bridges and meeting people where they are. It’s so important. I definitely tweak my approach to whoever I’m dealing with … though I don’t always find people do the same when caring for me.
I will have to think on this and figure out how I can communicate to my carers that a slightly different approach will work better with me depending on where I’m at (ie if I’m exhausted I need one approach, if I’m in an adrenaline surge I need a different one)
YESSSS! Exactly, this is what I was meaning in our DM...something to ponder on for later ;-) How can we share our experiences for others to feel 'armed' and enabled?