Premise: Carer Mentor articles can offer some insights, but the power of this community is in its ability to share, network and support each other with and without me.
This thread will run for one week.
COMMUNITY QUESTION
In your comment, type if you are a CAREGIVER or STARTING/MAY START SOON to care for someone
Please offer an idea, empathetic support, or recommendation to someone
REMEMBER:
We each have our unique situation. Let’s not overwhelm each other. Let’s share our empathy to meet someone where THEY are. There is no right or wrong; we’re each doing our best.
Please remember that any reference to medical conditions or treatments is based on personal experience and cannot be taken as expert/certified medical advice. Thanks.
In the early days of caring for my Dad**, I spent a lot of my time fielding advice from well-meaning friends and relatives. They deserved explanations for why something would or would not work, I thought. I needed to qualify why I tried and then rejected something.
Sometimes, I'd lay awake at night playing through my head, wondering 'how' I could explain why something wouldn't work.
There is a lot of misplaced time, energy, and emotions. Thankfully, Dr. Susan David's Emotional Agility book highlighted this 'Monkey Mindedness'—when we swing from one thing to another, playing out discussions and scenarios. UNhooking from this, setting boundaries helps.
**His congestive heart failure was destabilised by a significant hospitalisation, and on top of his rheumatoid arthritis, he was diagnosed with vascular dementia and then bladder cancer a year later.
Thanks Kristina - YES! There are cultural expectations here too, but yes there were expectations I'd directly implement the hero-advice...Uhh no! As you know well, these are the things that can exhaust us!
CAREGIVER:
In the early days of caring for my Dad**, I spent a lot of my time fielding advice from well-meaning friends and relatives. They deserved explanations for why something would or would not work, I thought. I needed to qualify why I tried and then rejected something.
Sometimes, I'd lay awake at night playing through my head, wondering 'how' I could explain why something wouldn't work.
There is a lot of misplaced time, energy, and emotions. Thankfully, Dr. Susan David's Emotional Agility book highlighted this 'Monkey Mindedness'—when we swing from one thing to another, playing out discussions and scenarios. UNhooking from this, setting boundaries helps.
**His congestive heart failure was destabilised by a significant hospitalisation, and on top of his rheumatoid arthritis, he was diagnosed with vascular dementia and then bladder cancer a year later.
Very upsetting to hear that you should be strong - this must be the Hero-ing advice.
Thanks Kristina - YES! There are cultural expectations here too, but yes there were expectations I'd directly implement the hero-advice...Uhh no! As you know well, these are the things that can exhaust us!
Oh. Yes. Enormous outlay of time to explain everything to everyone. Exhausting on top of everything else.
xoxo I know you know ;-) https://www.afterhesaidcancer.com/p/the-phone-call