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CAREGIVER:

In the early days of caring for my Dad**, I spent a lot of my time fielding advice from well-meaning friends and relatives. They deserved explanations for why something would or would not work, I thought. I needed to qualify why I tried and then rejected something.

Sometimes, I'd lay awake at night playing through my head, wondering 'how' I could explain why something wouldn't work.

There is a lot of misplaced time, energy, and emotions. Thankfully, Dr. Susan David's Emotional Agility book highlighted this 'Monkey Mindedness'—when we swing from one thing to another, playing out discussions and scenarios. UNhooking from this, setting boundaries helps.

**His congestive heart failure was destabilised by a significant hospitalisation, and on top of his rheumatoid arthritis, he was diagnosed with vascular dementia and then bladder cancer a year later.

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Very upsetting to hear that you should be strong - this must be the Hero-ing advice.

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Thanks Kristina - YES! There are cultural expectations here too, but yes there were expectations I'd directly implement the hero-advice...Uhh no! As you know well, these are the things that can exhaust us!

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Oh. Yes. Enormous outlay of time to explain everything to everyone. Exhausting on top of everything else.

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xoxo I know you know ;-) https://www.afterhesaidcancer.com/p/the-phone-call

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