What a great interview! It is really interesting to see this shame around crying is universal, yet with different reasons, as I was exploring my own in my article. I also agree with the way to just be there with the person who is crying, as the best way to comfort.
Oh my goodness, Victoria! This was excellent! Such good questions. Such wisdom. So much that resonates with me. From shame to more intimacy in relationships to crying about one thing but also about something else. I am adding the Rev's book to my list as well. Thank you SO much for this!
Aww Cherie! High praise! Thank you. Ben's responsiveness and generosity speak volumes. You will NOT be disappointed with this book purchase! You know, referenced wisdom is my jam! There's articulate insights and wisdom to savour!
Fabulous article and such an important topic. Thank you both for being so vulnerable and open. When my father passed 26 years ago, there wasn't a lot of open crying or talking about his cancer diagnosis.
When my son passed, I wanted my 11-year-old son to be able to show his emotions and not be shamed by them. So I openly cried and held space for him. Today he's able to show that emotion and we express ourselves.
I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your father and son, Janine. Creating space to cry is such a powerful way to express how deeply we feel about those we've lost. That outpouring of grief is, quite literally, love moving through our bodies—spilling out when there's more than we can hold. All my love to you.
Thank you for taking the time to share, Janine. There's so much life-learning, experience, and heartache in between these lines. Love and hugs, hon. I appreciate you sharing this.
This was such a beautiful interview - thank you Victoria and Ben for giving us your time so generously.
I would love if more people were willing to express themselves through tears. To explore their emotions and not suppress them. To allow their feelings to flow freely from their eyeballs.
Equally important is finding people who will sit quietly with you and give you the space to have those feelings - which I feel like Ben & Victoria are both great at!
So much goodness that I've had to come to this post at least thrice throughout the day to assimilate the wisdoms shared. Thank you Victoria for arranging this! And Reverend Ben for his time and insights 💚
"When we sit with our tears instead of running away from them, it’s a chance to learn something about ourselves." I love this! The whole interview is so rich and illuminating on a subject that touches on something so natural yet so disproportionately suppressed due to shame. It's worth a thorough read for anyone who finds it hard to cry.
It's not that I think it's impossible to experience deep emotions without crying *but* I do think that many of the social forces that suppress tears also have a marked impact on our ability to fully feel. I don't want anyone to feel like I'm shaming them if they feel unable to cry, but I do think an absence of tears should be an invitation to look more closely at one's emotional life, to explore when tears ceased and the reasons why. And my own life and story is a testament to the fact that emotional numbness is something you can work to repair, if that is where a person is.
Victoria- I appreciate you introducing me to Perry’s work and perspective. Looking forward to learning more about his work.
Thanks, Thalia. I recommend reading Ben’s book—it’s an eye-opening read!.
What a great interview! It is really interesting to see this shame around crying is universal, yet with different reasons, as I was exploring my own in my article. I also agree with the way to just be there with the person who is crying, as the best way to comfort.
Thanks, Rachel. The book is SO good! It's interesting to see how themes have emerged in the team's articles!
Oh my goodness, Victoria! This was excellent! Such good questions. Such wisdom. So much that resonates with me. From shame to more intimacy in relationships to crying about one thing but also about something else. I am adding the Rev's book to my list as well. Thank you SO much for this!
Aww Cherie! High praise! Thank you. Ben's responsiveness and generosity speak volumes. You will NOT be disappointed with this book purchase! You know, referenced wisdom is my jam! There's articulate insights and wisdom to savour!
Fabulous article and such an important topic. Thank you both for being so vulnerable and open. When my father passed 26 years ago, there wasn't a lot of open crying or talking about his cancer diagnosis.
When my son passed, I wanted my 11-year-old son to be able to show his emotions and not be shamed by them. So I openly cried and held space for him. Today he's able to show that emotion and we express ourselves.
Crying is a pathway to healing.
I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your father and son, Janine. Creating space to cry is such a powerful way to express how deeply we feel about those we've lost. That outpouring of grief is, quite literally, love moving through our bodies—spilling out when there's more than we can hold. All my love to you.
Thank you, Benjamin. Such a beautiful way to express the gift of tears. ❤️
Thank you for taking the time to share, Janine. There's so much life-learning, experience, and heartache in between these lines. Love and hugs, hon. I appreciate you sharing this.
❤️ the work you’re doing! It supports and lifts so many!
Thank you xo
This was such a beautiful interview - thank you Victoria and Ben for giving us your time so generously.
I would love if more people were willing to express themselves through tears. To explore their emotions and not suppress them. To allow their feelings to flow freely from their eyeballs.
Equally important is finding people who will sit quietly with you and give you the space to have those feelings - which I feel like Ben & Victoria are both great at!
Hear Hear! Thanks, hon. There's much to delve into in the book as well.
We could all benefit from mindfully and curiously connecting through tears. Even writing that feels somewhat alien!
Nicely done interview, Victoria! It pairs nicely with the 10 Percent Happier episode you shared yesterday! (https://www.carermentor.com/p/cry-baby-why-our-tears-matter) Lots to process ...
Thanks, Sarah!
I've even more in my head after reading the book, so I'm glad there's a team working together on this! Diverse perspectives offer fresh reflections.
So much goodness that I've had to come to this post at least thrice throughout the day to assimilate the wisdoms shared. Thank you Victoria for arranging this! And Reverend Ben for his time and insights 💚
Thanks for reading!
"When we sit with our tears instead of running away from them, it’s a chance to learn something about ourselves." I love this! The whole interview is so rich and illuminating on a subject that touches on something so natural yet so disproportionately suppressed due to shame. It's worth a thorough read for anyone who finds it hard to cry.
So glad you enjoyed it!
Hi Ben! Thank you for your insights into the complexity of one's tears. Do you think that we must cry to experience emotions on a deeper level?
Hi Kristina,
It's not that I think it's impossible to experience deep emotions without crying *but* I do think that many of the social forces that suppress tears also have a marked impact on our ability to fully feel. I don't want anyone to feel like I'm shaming them if they feel unable to cry, but I do think an absence of tears should be an invitation to look more closely at one's emotional life, to explore when tears ceased and the reasons why. And my own life and story is a testament to the fact that emotional numbness is something you can work to repair, if that is where a person is.