Thank you, Lauren. I've saved those last two paragraphs as a helpful reminder!
Top of mind, the most unexpected place I found joy is in the quietest, most boring moments of doing nothing. It WAS unexpected, it's not anymore.
For an extrovert who was used to being on the go, connecting socially, travelling and doing numerous projects with large multi-cultural groups, I didn't expect to find joy in sitting still and watching over Dad - but in hindsight, it was a natural outcome. I was coming home to one of my core values of care/empathy, and of course, Love.
Lauren, I really loved your essay. There is so much joy in caring for my mom. What I love best is when we burst out laughing during her many trips to the doctors. I'm always accidentally pranking her or we see something that simply makes us laugh. That's when I see the younger version of my mom who doesn't forget, or doesn't get annoyed with me if I ask questions or seem assertive with her doctors, who took care of me in so many ways as a child.
It has been very difficult on multiple levels, but she's still my mom who I still learn from and respect.
I love this! Yes, I used to often joke with my dad on trips to his doctor’s offices. Would I have seen him several times a week in my 20s if he hadn’t been sick? Probably not, and I’m grateful for those memories. ❤️
I hope that if someone who hasn’t been in our situation reads this, they can gain the perspective of being present with others and slow down to enjoy these precious moments. If someone is in this situation, that they feel seen and can shift to feeling joy even during those crisis times. ❤️
This is a terrific series, Victoria, and a truly insightful article, Lauren. I love this: "your parents will not have the same role in your life, and you won't have the same role in theirs. It's okay to grieve for what's past, but it's also okay (and recommended!) to find joy in the new roles you both have." That transition from the set of roles we've lived in our entire lives to new ones is, I think, problematic for both sides. Just don't allow it to be; you're wasting time... because it is a gift to share their last measure of time with them and an honor to care for them. Let it go, and get to what's essential.
I so melted into my chair reading the part about watching football. Whenever the Seahawks played the rest of my husband’s woes froze in time. He would raise his arms above his head in the touchdown sign and his face would overflow with joy. What I wouldn’t give for one more football game, especially against arch rival Forty-Niners. A win against them would carry him through days!
Thank you, Lauren. I've saved those last two paragraphs as a helpful reminder!
Top of mind, the most unexpected place I found joy is in the quietest, most boring moments of doing nothing. It WAS unexpected, it's not anymore.
For an extrovert who was used to being on the go, connecting socially, travelling and doing numerous projects with large multi-cultural groups, I didn't expect to find joy in sitting still and watching over Dad - but in hindsight, it was a natural outcome. I was coming home to one of my core values of care/empathy, and of course, Love.
What a beautiful, encouraging perspective on caring for aging parents. Thank you, Lauren, for sharing your wisdom!
Lauren, I really loved your essay. There is so much joy in caring for my mom. What I love best is when we burst out laughing during her many trips to the doctors. I'm always accidentally pranking her or we see something that simply makes us laugh. That's when I see the younger version of my mom who doesn't forget, or doesn't get annoyed with me if I ask questions or seem assertive with her doctors, who took care of me in so many ways as a child.
It has been very difficult on multiple levels, but she's still my mom who I still learn from and respect.
I love this! Yes, I used to often joke with my dad on trips to his doctor’s offices. Would I have seen him several times a week in my 20s if he hadn’t been sick? Probably not, and I’m grateful for those memories. ❤️
I hope that if someone who hasn’t been in our situation reads this, they can gain the perspective of being present with others and slow down to enjoy these precious moments. If someone is in this situation, that they feel seen and can shift to feeling joy even during those crisis times. ❤️
This is a terrific series, Victoria, and a truly insightful article, Lauren. I love this: "your parents will not have the same role in your life, and you won't have the same role in theirs. It's okay to grieve for what's past, but it's also okay (and recommended!) to find joy in the new roles you both have." That transition from the set of roles we've lived in our entire lives to new ones is, I think, problematic for both sides. Just don't allow it to be; you're wasting time... because it is a gift to share their last measure of time with them and an honor to care for them. Let it go, and get to what's essential.
Lauren is such a gem! This is a lovely series 💌
Thanks, Katie!
Thank you so much for sharing your stories and your wisdom and your love. I appreciate you.
big hug, Prajna!
I so melted into my chair reading the part about watching football. Whenever the Seahawks played the rest of my husband’s woes froze in time. He would raise his arms above his head in the touchdown sign and his face would overflow with joy. What I wouldn’t give for one more football game, especially against arch rival Forty-Niners. A win against them would carry him through days!
Right? We take so much for granted. Sending love!
Aww, big hugs, Anna. Football joy.
I love this! I love the visual of a diaper genie for getting rid of unwanted or unhealthy emotions! Thanks for sharing so beautifully.
Great article. Thank you for reminding me to find my joy.