Shankar Vedantam's interview with Lisa Feldman Barrett provides a broader context of her work and life, with examples of how she's leveraged her insights.
I didn't get past here before I recognized myself and my family dynamic and things fell into place: "my stepfather became pretty enraged that I had upset my mother." In our case, it was my father. The only time he ever hit me was not for because I had done something wrong or bad, but because the thing I did upset his wife. His wife was also my mother, but the way he viewed it, I upset HIS WIFE, as if I had no relationship to her. I've been aware of that for a long time, but this is the first time I saw just how I was set up to be responsible for her emotions and happiness.
His punishing me for upsetting her only upset her more, but of course, no one could see that at the time and she learned not to react externally, visibly. I learned staying safe meant keeping her happy. Ack. Family dynamics.
I've always felt like it was her and I against him, that I was protecting her from his anger, while she felt like she was protecting ME from his anger. Both of those things were true, but in addition, it meant I was responsible for her happiness. Taking it a step further, any interaction I had with my mother, would somehow trigger something in my father.
Years of family therapy in an instant epiphany. Thank you. I mean, he's dead and she's got dementia so it's all about healing relationships with ghosts, but still, I felt a bit of the burden of my mother's happiness lift.
Ohhhh Jodi...eyes brimming with water. HUGE BIG HUG and sitting alongside you as this epiphany echoes.
You have generously and vulnerably shared here today, and I respect your words. I will not add my own, except to say I'm humbled and honoured that I could help alleviate some of the burdens. Love, hugs and here on DM if you need me.
Oh, babes. I have no filter or sense of shame about anything. I hold three secrets - one of my fathers, one of my mothers and one of my own. Outside of that, I may as well walk around inside out…that said, I appreciate the consideration.
Wow! I’m someone who cares deeply. And I’m considered a body wise intellectual. Thank you for laying out Lisa’s research and reminding us all of the mystery and complexity of emotion and context! I’ll listen to the podcast.
Oh and, you may already know this - Lisa's work highlights the benefits of body movement, like dance and yoga in being more 'aware' / in-tune with our body's signals
Thanks, Cynthia. You're very welcome. I revise and build my own knowledge and understanding by writing these articles! It's a worthy process and I'm glad they add value to you and others. This is the Carer Mentor Mission.
Like all of Shankar Vedantam's work (Hidden Brain and Ted Talks) he delivers a complete story arc. This is the only interview with LFB that tells her story, provides insights from her work AND makes the insights actionable.
Fascinating! "Get your butterflies flying in formation." Such a constructive suggestion!
I didn't get past here before I recognized myself and my family dynamic and things fell into place: "my stepfather became pretty enraged that I had upset my mother." In our case, it was my father. The only time he ever hit me was not for because I had done something wrong or bad, but because the thing I did upset his wife. His wife was also my mother, but the way he viewed it, I upset HIS WIFE, as if I had no relationship to her. I've been aware of that for a long time, but this is the first time I saw just how I was set up to be responsible for her emotions and happiness.
His punishing me for upsetting her only upset her more, but of course, no one could see that at the time and she learned not to react externally, visibly. I learned staying safe meant keeping her happy. Ack. Family dynamics.
I've always felt like it was her and I against him, that I was protecting her from his anger, while she felt like she was protecting ME from his anger. Both of those things were true, but in addition, it meant I was responsible for her happiness. Taking it a step further, any interaction I had with my mother, would somehow trigger something in my father.
Years of family therapy in an instant epiphany. Thank you. I mean, he's dead and she's got dementia so it's all about healing relationships with ghosts, but still, I felt a bit of the burden of my mother's happiness lift.
Ohhhh Jodi...eyes brimming with water. HUGE BIG HUG and sitting alongside you as this epiphany echoes.
You have generously and vulnerably shared here today, and I respect your words. I will not add my own, except to say I'm humbled and honoured that I could help alleviate some of the burdens. Love, hugs and here on DM if you need me.
All good. You never know when the aha will come, or from where.
Phew, and thank you for restacking your comment - I held back out of respect, not knowing if you'd want this in notes!
Oh, babes. I have no filter or sense of shame about anything. I hold three secrets - one of my fathers, one of my mothers and one of my own. Outside of that, I may as well walk around inside out…that said, I appreciate the consideration.
You're welcome. It's my standard of care - empathy and space for the other person...otherwise I'd be too much energy of over-curious all the time ;-)
Love the 'Babes' BTW, thanks. I hear you and feel more connected to you now!
Wow! I’m someone who cares deeply. And I’m considered a body wise intellectual. Thank you for laying out Lisa’s research and reminding us all of the mystery and complexity of emotion and context! I’ll listen to the podcast.
Oh and, you may already know this - Lisa's work highlights the benefits of body movement, like dance and yoga in being more 'aware' / in-tune with our body's signals
Thanks, Cynthia. You're very welcome. I revise and build my own knowledge and understanding by writing these articles! It's a worthy process and I'm glad they add value to you and others. This is the Carer Mentor Mission.
Like all of Shankar Vedantam's work (Hidden Brain and Ted Talks) he delivers a complete story arc. This is the only interview with LFB that tells her story, provides insights from her work AND makes the insights actionable.