I truly hope that you, in your heart, know just how amazing of a woman, friend, DAUGHTER, caregiver and writer you are. I’ve been reading your articles and this one got me. You are fearless with your love and the compassion you exude is remarkable. I have few but fond and strange memories of you when we were kids. Strange in a good sense. I’m only sorry that I missed out on the years in between. What you are doing for your Mom is absolutely beautiful. My love to you and your Mama ♥️
Love ya long time, Jodi! I need your wisdom and badass bravery to keep things real. xoxo I'm writing my reply to your prompt question. Cross-post and a follow-up??
This was so incredibly timely and possibly livesaving... Thank you so much for sharing your heart and wisdom on this very complex subject. I feel empowered to listen to my own.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Rebecca. I'm glad Jodi's letter arrived at the right time for you. Check out Jodi's publication 'The Long Goodbye' and have a look around Carer Mentor. Here if you need more support/have questions.
Jodi, just wow. I'm always amazed by your words and how even in the struggles of caring for your mom, you show such love and compassion. Like this is the path you would have chosen no matter what you told your younger self.
You prove that there are an infinite number of ways to care for your parent. I know I would have made the same decision with the fear and death toll of the pandemic.
I've read your essays and you have not had an easy path, but you always choose to love your mom selflessly. It's beautiful, heart wrenching, and reminds me why I have made certain decisions on caring for my mom.
Thank you and sending you and you mom lots of love!❤️
Jodi, in response to your question 'What do we owe our parents in their old age and do we owe them more if they were good parents than if they were neglectful?'
The more I think about this, the more I think it deserves a collab-article of its own!
A few thoughts from me:
I don't feel I 'owe' my parents anything - I came to a head, heart, gut aligned decision that I had to resign from my job and help Mum care for Dad, for ME. I made it very clear to my parents and my chosen family that this was my choice.
It's also because I rebel against the 'filial piety' aspects of Chinese culture. I may appear to be the dutiful daughter to some, but I'm fierce about agency, choice and independence. I guess that's why I dislike reductive narratives and assumptions; I've encountered many wrong conclusions and misperceptions.
I can't speak for others, or for situations where parents were neglectful...
That's my short answer. Several things drive that head, heart, gut alignment, but that's a much longer story! ;-) ❤️
So healing, Victoria! I agree that you make a decision to care for parents from one's heart and soul alignment. I am forever grateful that I chose to care for my dad in his last months, to his very last breath. And I was there for my mother, as well, years later. Each caring task brought me closer to their humanity, flawed, fearful, blessed. In this way, the circle could close on the shared pain, guilt, and shame. We made it through to the end together, past this life.
Thank you for your kind words, and the opportunity to be part of this project. 🙏🏼
I truly hope that you, in your heart, know just how amazing of a woman, friend, DAUGHTER, caregiver and writer you are. I’ve been reading your articles and this one got me. You are fearless with your love and the compassion you exude is remarkable. I have few but fond and strange memories of you when we were kids. Strange in a good sense. I’m only sorry that I missed out on the years in between. What you are doing for your Mom is absolutely beautiful. My love to you and your Mama ♥️
Thanks Bev. 💕. You knew me at my worst!
Love ya long time, Jodi! I need your wisdom and badass bravery to keep things real. xoxo I'm writing my reply to your prompt question. Cross-post and a follow-up??
This was so incredibly timely and possibly livesaving... Thank you so much for sharing your heart and wisdom on this very complex subject. I feel empowered to listen to my own.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Rebecca. I'm glad Jodi's letter arrived at the right time for you. Check out Jodi's publication 'The Long Goodbye' and have a look around Carer Mentor. Here if you need more support/have questions.
Jodi, just wow. I'm always amazed by your words and how even in the struggles of caring for your mom, you show such love and compassion. Like this is the path you would have chosen no matter what you told your younger self.
You prove that there are an infinite number of ways to care for your parent. I know I would have made the same decision with the fear and death toll of the pandemic.
I've read your essays and you have not had an easy path, but you always choose to love your mom selflessly. It's beautiful, heart wrenching, and reminds me why I have made certain decisions on caring for my mom.
Thank you and sending you and you mom lots of love!❤️
Jodi, in response to your question 'What do we owe our parents in their old age and do we owe them more if they were good parents than if they were neglectful?'
The more I think about this, the more I think it deserves a collab-article of its own!
A few thoughts from me:
I don't feel I 'owe' my parents anything - I came to a head, heart, gut aligned decision that I had to resign from my job and help Mum care for Dad, for ME. I made it very clear to my parents and my chosen family that this was my choice.
It's also because I rebel against the 'filial piety' aspects of Chinese culture. I may appear to be the dutiful daughter to some, but I'm fierce about agency, choice and independence. I guess that's why I dislike reductive narratives and assumptions; I've encountered many wrong conclusions and misperceptions.
I can't speak for others, or for situations where parents were neglectful...
That's my short answer. Several things drive that head, heart, gut alignment, but that's a much longer story! ;-) ❤️
So healing, Victoria! I agree that you make a decision to care for parents from one's heart and soul alignment. I am forever grateful that I chose to care for my dad in his last months, to his very last breath. And I was there for my mother, as well, years later. Each caring task brought me closer to their humanity, flawed, fearful, blessed. In this way, the circle could close on the shared pain, guilt, and shame. We made it through to the end together, past this life.
Aw Kate, hugs. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this! My heart just breaks for all the hard choices you’ve had to make.
This is so good. The honesty is powerful.
Thanks Moorea. 💕
I really enjoyed this. It was clever, honest, and so very real❤️
Thanks for reading, Trevy. 💗
You're very welcome❣️