11 Comments
User's avatar
Brittany Carroll's avatar

The realness and rawness was so needed in this piece Victoria and Tessa! Thank you for this collaborative piece!

Preparing to send my dad to ALF and I go back and forth on if I am making the right decision, but I’m tired and it’s just me.

Kerri's avatar

Thank you for sharing your story. It's timely for me to have this perspective as my mom's condition has worsened and I don't have the strength to continue managing this... but people keep telling me to keep her home. "You deserved help long before you asked for it." Yes.

Amy Brown's avatar

Tessa, this could have been my story in so many ways. I felt guilt for the decision for my mom to enter memory care the last 8 months of her life as I was alone as her caregiver at home & at the breaking point. You were not a bad daughter just as I was not. These words will

Stay with me: “You didn’t yet understand that needing a break doesn’t make someone weak.

It makes them human.” I am so glad that we have both written and shared these letters here in Victoria’s beautiful community. It will help other caregivers feel less alone. 💗much kindness and love for you 💗

Victoria's avatar

Hugs. Thank you, dear Amy.

Tessa Shahid's avatar

Hugs to you. Amy. Thank you and I couldn’t agree more. This is such a wonderful opportunity.

The Caregiver's avatar

In Caregiver years, when I grow up I hope to be as strong, loving and courageous as you were that day sitting in the car.

tubthumper's avatar

I needed to read this. I have so much respect for you. I am 60 and trying so hard not to resent my mother's need for care. And I have my daughters to help me, and a caretaker for 5 hours a day! You are amazing. You need to know that you are deeply admired.

Victoria's avatar

I hope you know that it's very human to feel what you're feeling.

I think we can easily start feeling guilty about how we feel. Just as Tessa said, 'even with help it's still hard'. You're amazing too!

Tessa Shahid's avatar

I think it’s challenging no matter the age. Believe I had those moments of resenting my parents, resenting my family, and just the hand I was dealt in my life. And even with help it’s still hard. Thank you :)

Cali Bird's avatar

Dearest Tessa - what an amazing job you did for your parents. And how wonderful that you are using the perspective you gained from that experience to nurture yourself and help others. Thank you.

Tessa Shahid's avatar

Morning Cali! Thank you for the kind words. If there’s anything I know to be true after all these years is that I did the very best that I could with the knowledge, resources, and support that I had. Helping others will make all of this somewhat full circle for me.