'Music Memory is more powerful than words.'

Empathy and human connection via music can overcome the Dementia Disconnect.

Dementia patients may forget words but I’ve seen and felt how a piece of music can reconnect us. No words are needed.

When I published ‘Dementia, the Unforgettable Impact on Caregivers’ I knew I wanted to find a way to share how Dad and I communicated beyond his health issues and despite the dementia disconnections.

A perfect collaboration opportunity presented itself, thanks to

Sarah Fay Writers at Work

Friday Party on February 16th. I requested uplifting music memories.

“Why? Dementia patients may forget words, but they don't forget how something made them feel. Caregivers need uplifting stories; EVERYONE needs to be lifted up by meaningful moments. Can you share yours, please?”

For my Dad, I like to think that the classical music he loved so much appeased his troubled mind and broke the frustrations of vascular dementia, but who knows? Perhaps it brought me more comfort than it did for Dad.

Lydia Fluitt

shares insights she’s discovered after her son was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. She wrote ‘Music to the Rescue: Is this a surprise for you?’

Lydia references this brilliant, insightful article by the AARP. Thank you for this, Lydia!

Click on the image to access the article.

“AARP is the nation's largest nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to empowering Americans 50 and older to choose how they live as they age. With a nationwide presence, AARP strengthens communities and advocates for what matters most to the more than 100 million Americans 50-plus and their families: health security, financial stability and personal fulfilment.” - AARP Website

This was the quote that struck me in the article:

He stresses that hearing autobiographically salient music does not regress patients to an earlier time of life. Quite the reverse. “It actually triggers a cognitive boost to orient them in the immediate reality. One could say, ‘Oh, they remember music from when they were 15 years old, and they feel like a 15-year-old again.’ No. They’re not suddenly acting like a 15-year-old. The music gives them a sense of orientation in the here and now—and an identity: ‘That is part of my life. I know who I am.’ ”

So, dear

Amy Brown

all the music you’re sharing with your Mother connects her to the here and now.

Amy, in her publication ‘Living in 3D: Divorce, Dementia and Destiny’, shares her experience of playing music for her mother. A beautiful, vulnerable, bittersweet glimpse into sustaining connections through musical memories: ‘Singing into the empty spaces’.

“Of all that dementia has stolen, I grieve especially the loss of music that once so uplifted my mother. In the silence of her vanishing memories. I hope that somewhere her favorite songs are playing.’” - Amy Brown

In addition,

Charlene Alofs

shares her own experience In ‘A letter of love to Barbara and the powerful impact of music’ (Publication The Wicked Pissah.)

‘What I found interesting and fascinating were the positive effects that music had on those suffering from dementia—reduced depression, agitation and anxiety. As language and other memories had disappeared, the memory of music remained.’ - Charlene Alofs.

I hope this offers comfort to sufferers of Dementia and their loved ones. When we struggle to connect, music can create a wordless bridge built on past musical reference points.

Holding hands or linked arms, eyes shut, and listening to music can reconnect us.

I tear up at the last scenes of ‘Coco’ because I know that feeling so well…

I think we can each highlight a specific song or piece of music that ‘takes us back’ to our childhood, to our parents or other family members, and every year, we curate our own music time-stamped memories.

Several writers offered their articles at Sarah Fay’s party in response to my request. I had so many emotions reading these.

The phrase ‘soundtrack to our lives’ holds so much power and meaning as I read each of these articles.

• Richard Elliott
  at Songs and Objects Songs gives us his soundtrack journey of memories over time in Some People I May Have Been

“‘music’, because that’s been the way I’ve threaded the narrative of experience for nearly as long as I can remember. (I can remember many moments pre-music—before music became the way I made sense of the world—but they’re harder to get to.)” - Richard Elliott.

• Within a soundtrack there are peaks like this one from

  Sue Ferrera
  at Tales of a Wayward Yogini : Wedding Day Dreams. Sue shares a unique rendition of the song La Vie en Rose and a magical day. Thank you, Sue.

• Jeff Scott
  at The Unfiltered Scribe. 'Zone Out, Tune In, and Live the Adventure' Finding Perspective Through Music You Love. A beautiful classical music tour. Thank you, Jeff.

• Christine Castigliano
  at Heart, Soul and Monkeys. Hearts Quest I Wanna Know What Love Is...How a brave ask and a Valentine’s Day dance lifted years of baggage. Tissues and heart swell were my reactions to your article, Christine; thank you for sharing this intimate, brave and vulnerable moment.

• Debbie
  at Behind Shoji doors ‘Singing with Understanding. Home karaoke turned into more than we bargained for. Please have tissues at the ready for this one. I feel touched and honoured that Debbie is sharing this with all of us. Karaoke will not be the same for me.

• Shinjini
  at Studio Diaries pointed me towards Fog Chaser. Instrumentals released on Substack 2021 and 2022. Please click on Fog Chaser. Shinjini invites us into her studio: ‘On the interplay between silence and music in the creative process’. Her creations are inspiring. Thank you, Shinjini, especially for introducing me to Fog Chaser, I’ve downloaded his music to my playlist.

• Johanna draws us into Dusty’s music and how it offers emotional context-memory.

  Therapy and Other Stories
    Dusty and the Big Sur Musical memories. This is a beautiful, nostalgic, and uplifting piece. Thank you, Johanna.

‘as a therapist, unbidden responses to stimuli are often the context of trauma, and an unwanted re-experiencing, so I really enjoyed putting this in a different context and thinking about the music that transports me somewhere wonderful.’ - Johanna Sartori

• Kristina Adams Waldorf, MD
  at After he said Cancer shares A Beatles ResurrectionI felt like I was with Kristina and her Mother. A poignant read that lifted my heart when I read ‘Love and warmth filled my body from my head to toe. And for the first time in a long time, I felt carefree.’ You can read more about Kristina’s story here. Thank you, Kristina!

I love the quote that opens her article.

“When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance.” – John Lennon.

• Emma Kriskinans
  at Scrambled Eggs Sunday Best #001: Five tracks that take me places.

  Emma takes us on a music-memory journey. Several songs are very familiar! Music marks us in a unique way.

Breaking from my usual Smörgåsbord tradition to bring you five songs that instantly transport me to a place, a face, a hope, or a feeling.

• Tanmeet Sethi, MD
  at Beautiful and Brutal When I hear this song, I cry...tears of Joy and love. I have placed this one last because, after all the emotion and music, Tanmeet has shared a scene from her cousin sister’s wedding that will make you want to dance! Thank you for the tears of joy, uplifting us in music, Tanmeet.

Here's an oldie-goodie to keep us dancing and in memory of all the love and empathy around us. The opening bars of music tingle my soul:

Sarah Fay Writers at Work

Thanks for the party! Can we do this one again sometime?

I’m making a pact with myself to be more intentional with my playlists.

Curating our music-memory playlists, can be serious and playful, they can accompany new art creative art sessions, or help us dance in joyous moments, that time-stamp images in our hearts.

I’m grateful that by bringing together the wonderful pieces written by fourteen of us we can offer others reassurance that it’s possible to sustain our connections with our loved ones beyond the Dementia disconnect.

My hope is that through this collaboration; exchange of information and experiences, we’ve shown that music not only amplifies moments of celebration but that the smallest magical music-moments can keep us tethered to each other, the past and present. Heart swell.

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