What a beautiful post! I kept thinking how fortunate Max was to be adopted into your family, Sarah - and then I read on to discover the gifts you received from this selfless act. Of course that confirmed my original thought. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Cathy. Much as I wish I could, I can't claim that adopting Max was a selfless act. When I think back on our journey, I can see the many unrealistic expectations I put on him -- expectations that, if fulfilled, would have given us a more "normal" family life -- what I had perhaps selfishly(?) assumed we were going to experience when we set off on this path. But from my current vantage point, I wouldn't trade any of what we actually did experience, because we have all learned so much. And in some ways I do think Max saved me from becoming a "tiger mom" or something along those lines! (who knows?) :)
Maybe what I should have said, was I expected we'd have a more *average* life for middle-class Americans. Meaning, my life evolved into a quest for answers and a quest for help, so much so that Jon and I learned that we couldn't both be career-focused at the same time. Not to say that's good or bad, but it was pretty far out of our expectations. And the expectations of those around us… And there we are, back to talking about how we've been conditioned!
I had all sorts in my frame of reference - meaning I assumed they'd happen, expectations are stories and imaginings woven from what we absorb.
Curiosity definitely made you more agile, Sarah, despite any preset expectations/assumptions...adaptability defies expectations. You outgrew those 'average' American definitions!
Yup! As we get older, I realise how many of these things are socially conditioned concepts to 'them and us', us all, and make us conform...not just square peg round hole, but multicoloured, spikey, unique shapes that are glorious trying to be moulded into any kind of template.
I've done big board presentations, led global projects and teams and accomplished things/goals alone or with a team, but the one thing that I'm most proud of, that still amazes me, is how Mum and I managed to keep going, caring for Dad at home, until he passed in January 2020. September to January were the hardest months in my life, fraught, scary, with no sleep.
Victoria, reading your comment makes me think that one of the unexpected blessings of caregiving is how it can boost(?) us to a whole different plane of living.
Without these experiences, I would have become a different person. Not bad, but probably not the person I want to be. I've often said, "Max saved me from myself." Do you know what I mean?
Thank you, Victoria, for sharing your experiences, for your questions and thoughts, and the opportunities to explore all of these ideas!
💯 Sarah - I frequently reiterated to my Dad and now Mum, that it was my choice to resign and be with them, saying 'how Dad's nightmare/cruel hospitalisation liberated me from a conditioned state' (per my Head-Heart-Gut Poem). Personal agency is very important to me. I recognise now that my underlying values, what really matters, haven't changed; what I do to live them has - no judgment, a personal choice that's liberating. I'm blessed to be able to make these choices.
What a beautiful post! I kept thinking how fortunate Max was to be adopted into your family, Sarah - and then I read on to discover the gifts you received from this selfless act. Of course that confirmed my original thought. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Cathy. Much as I wish I could, I can't claim that adopting Max was a selfless act. When I think back on our journey, I can see the many unrealistic expectations I put on him -- expectations that, if fulfilled, would have given us a more "normal" family life -- what I had perhaps selfishly(?) assumed we were going to experience when we set off on this path. But from my current vantage point, I wouldn't trade any of what we actually did experience, because we have all learned so much. And in some ways I do think Max saved me from becoming a "tiger mom" or something along those lines! (who knows?) :)
I hear you Sarah, and I think you saved each other and shaped each other that's extra-ordinary and beautifully beyond boring 'normal' concepts ;-)
Maybe what I should have said, was I expected we'd have a more *average* life for middle-class Americans. Meaning, my life evolved into a quest for answers and a quest for help, so much so that Jon and I learned that we couldn't both be career-focused at the same time. Not to say that's good or bad, but it was pretty far out of our expectations. And the expectations of those around us… And there we are, back to talking about how we've been conditioned!
I had all sorts in my frame of reference - meaning I assumed they'd happen, expectations are stories and imaginings woven from what we absorb.
Curiosity definitely made you more agile, Sarah, despite any preset expectations/assumptions...adaptability defies expectations. You outgrew those 'average' American definitions!
Thank you for sharing those reflections, Victoria. I'm still growing ... 😉
I question if any of us have a "normal" life. 😉
Yup! As we get older, I realise how many of these things are socially conditioned concepts to 'them and us', us all, and make us conform...not just square peg round hole, but multicoloured, spikey, unique shapes that are glorious trying to be moulded into any kind of template.
I sooo agree!!
Hah -- excellent point, Cathy!
I got the chills reading this, thank you, Sarah.
♥️
This was really good.
Thank you, Moorea. I'm happy it spoke to you.
Thanks for your letter, Sarah.
I've done big board presentations, led global projects and teams and accomplished things/goals alone or with a team, but the one thing that I'm most proud of, that still amazes me, is how Mum and I managed to keep going, caring for Dad at home, until he passed in January 2020. September to January were the hardest months in my life, fraught, scary, with no sleep.
Victoria, reading your comment makes me think that one of the unexpected blessings of caregiving is how it can boost(?) us to a whole different plane of living.
Without these experiences, I would have become a different person. Not bad, but probably not the person I want to be. I've often said, "Max saved me from myself." Do you know what I mean?
Thank you, Victoria, for sharing your experiences, for your questions and thoughts, and the opportunities to explore all of these ideas!
💯 Sarah - I frequently reiterated to my Dad and now Mum, that it was my choice to resign and be with them, saying 'how Dad's nightmare/cruel hospitalisation liberated me from a conditioned state' (per my Head-Heart-Gut Poem). Personal agency is very important to me. I recognise now that my underlying values, what really matters, haven't changed; what I do to live them has - no judgment, a personal choice that's liberating. I'm blessed to be able to make these choices.
Beautiful, Victoria. Yes.