My god, Victoria, I held my breath the whole time I was reading this. What a good idea to write to your past self - I may have to do this as I think I have a lot of trapped emotion in my body. I'm also constantly worried about my husband (I feel guilty about being ill, and that our social life has become virtually zero in the past three years), about my parents getting older and weaker and knowing what is coming, and that my sisters and I don't speak to my brother, and and and. Reading this made my problems seem like nada zilch rien du tout. I hope I find the strength and love to do what you do if and when I need to. I'm sending you so much love,
Awww hon, deep breath. I hear you. We each have our own story of seismic activity, rollercoastering, pain and joy - I see it in your poems! It's completely normal to feel everything you're feeling. Talking about it all with friends, your husband or writing more poems can help!?
If I were to offer one wish, it would be that each person finds a way to feel a head-heart-gut alignment when making big life choices. I often made space to ensure I felt aligned with my values and that's where my strength comes from. I think you can already take comfort in knowing yours, what matters most to you, right?! ❤️
Guilt is a slippery little sucker! Please try to make 'should' a swear word to be sanctioned with CHF in a bottle if used ;-) (more painful than Euros!). Should-ing is torture!
You know where to find me here and DMs! BIG hugs and love to you too! Thanks Cesca!
This was such a powerful read, Victoria. Thank you for sharing. It made me think of my own experience back when my mom was diagnosed... some real moments of darkness, confusion and fear. I love the idea of writing to your younger self... nothing like time to show us how resilient and strong we are!
Thanks, Ollie. I hope it wasn't too painful for you to read and remember.
I realised my memory has conveniently glossed over some of the sharp facts that used to hook me and snag my emotions. It's easier to comfort my younger self today compared to 2023.
Victoria, thank you for sharing with vulnerability and courage. The letter to your past self feels like a warm hug. A moment to catch your breath and pause long enough to remember that you can do this. Absorb the information then use your intuition to distill it down to what feels aligned for you. Sometimes the result isn’t ideal. We’re all just humans doing our best. And sometimes that has to be enough.
Thanks, Steph - exactly, sharing warm hugs and wisdom to my younger self is the self-compassion I was aiming for. Our lived experiences are so valuable. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. xoxo
Thank you for sharing your personal journey as a caregiver. It brought me back to 2017 and 2018 when I was working full-time remotely, in university full time remotely, and traveling back and forth from my home in the Washington DC area to my hometown in Georgia to help my sister and aunts with caregiving for my mom and dad. Trying to juggle it all was challenging to say the least, and I had pushed those memories aside now 7 years later, but they all came rushing back while reading your article. And to be honest, I’m thankful they did. I don’t regret a minute of all I did back then and the challenges a difficulties. It was all worth it to be with both my parents and care for them the best I could. They both died 10 weeks apart from each other in 2018, and I’m thankful for the time I had with them.
These personal reflections of mine, and your stories, remind me of my own agility, adaptability and resilience back then. And the reminders encourage me in my current personal and professional challenges that I still have that same agility, adaptability and resilience from back then that can be applied today. As I often write about in my blog here on Substack, our stories matter, because when we look at our past stories we can see the resources and tools and strengths we used before successfully to navigate change and apply them to present day struggles. I use the same approach when talking to my professional coaching clients when partnering with them to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals and navigate change. Thank you so much for all you do here for other caregivers. Wishing you much happiness.
Hi Tony, Thank you for taking the time to read my article and share your reflections. I'm relieved that, whilst this brought a wave of memories back for you, it has offered you fresh reminders of your capabilities. My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your parents.
I agree; it's worth taking an objective review of our past experiences, especially as caregivers.
I do the same with my clients, too.
I appreciate your kind words of support. I hope my letter can help reframe personal expectations and inspire others to be more self-compassionate and kind to themselves.
Thanks, and thank you for being part of this Carer Mentor community. Wishing you much happiness too.
My friend, thank you for this! It is so hard to articulate to folks who aren’t in the storm the levels of uncertainty that caregiving brings, especially for “doers”. I’ve been saying to myself, “I am enough, I am doing enough” to calm the anxiety of living in this constantly changing reality with no known end date.
Exactly, Kerri!! I couldn't bring myself to say 'It is what it is' because, in an old work situation, when people said that, it seemed defeatist and contrary to a 'can-do' attitude. BUT in a caregiving situation we can't control things, so whilst I can't use that exact phrase I try to 'accept and acknowledge and see things as they are, without judgment' and try to have compassion and grace for myself...the journey continues!!
I'm saving your mantra now! We can only do our best and then we need to let go and not punish ourselves..I know I had a hard internal critic, with socially conditioned measures!
My god, Victoria, I held my breath the whole time I was reading this. What a good idea to write to your past self - I may have to do this as I think I have a lot of trapped emotion in my body. I'm also constantly worried about my husband (I feel guilty about being ill, and that our social life has become virtually zero in the past three years), about my parents getting older and weaker and knowing what is coming, and that my sisters and I don't speak to my brother, and and and. Reading this made my problems seem like nada zilch rien du tout. I hope I find the strength and love to do what you do if and when I need to. I'm sending you so much love,
Francesca xx
Awww hon, deep breath. I hear you. We each have our own story of seismic activity, rollercoastering, pain and joy - I see it in your poems! It's completely normal to feel everything you're feeling. Talking about it all with friends, your husband or writing more poems can help!?
If I were to offer one wish, it would be that each person finds a way to feel a head-heart-gut alignment when making big life choices. I often made space to ensure I felt aligned with my values and that's where my strength comes from. I think you can already take comfort in knowing yours, what matters most to you, right?! ❤️
Guilt is a slippery little sucker! Please try to make 'should' a swear word to be sanctioned with CHF in a bottle if used ;-) (more painful than Euros!). Should-ing is torture!
You know where to find me here and DMs! BIG hugs and love to you too! Thanks Cesca!
This was such a powerful read, Victoria. Thank you for sharing. It made me think of my own experience back when my mom was diagnosed... some real moments of darkness, confusion and fear. I love the idea of writing to your younger self... nothing like time to show us how resilient and strong we are!
Thanks, Ollie. I hope it wasn't too painful for you to read and remember.
I realised my memory has conveniently glossed over some of the sharp facts that used to hook me and snag my emotions. It's easier to comfort my younger self today compared to 2023.
Victoria, thank you for sharing with vulnerability and courage. The letter to your past self feels like a warm hug. A moment to catch your breath and pause long enough to remember that you can do this. Absorb the information then use your intuition to distill it down to what feels aligned for you. Sometimes the result isn’t ideal. We’re all just humans doing our best. And sometimes that has to be enough.
Thanks, Steph - exactly, sharing warm hugs and wisdom to my younger self is the self-compassion I was aiming for. Our lived experiences are so valuable. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. xoxo
I love your Dad’s workarounds! Says so much about his character and tenacity to keep doing what he loved.
Thanks, hon. Yup!! Even in his last months he told the GP or cardiologist he wasn't quite ready to play 8 holes of golf yet.
Thank you for sharing your personal journey as a caregiver. It brought me back to 2017 and 2018 when I was working full-time remotely, in university full time remotely, and traveling back and forth from my home in the Washington DC area to my hometown in Georgia to help my sister and aunts with caregiving for my mom and dad. Trying to juggle it all was challenging to say the least, and I had pushed those memories aside now 7 years later, but they all came rushing back while reading your article. And to be honest, I’m thankful they did. I don’t regret a minute of all I did back then and the challenges a difficulties. It was all worth it to be with both my parents and care for them the best I could. They both died 10 weeks apart from each other in 2018, and I’m thankful for the time I had with them.
These personal reflections of mine, and your stories, remind me of my own agility, adaptability and resilience back then. And the reminders encourage me in my current personal and professional challenges that I still have that same agility, adaptability and resilience from back then that can be applied today. As I often write about in my blog here on Substack, our stories matter, because when we look at our past stories we can see the resources and tools and strengths we used before successfully to navigate change and apply them to present day struggles. I use the same approach when talking to my professional coaching clients when partnering with them to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals and navigate change. Thank you so much for all you do here for other caregivers. Wishing you much happiness.
Hi Tony, Thank you for taking the time to read my article and share your reflections. I'm relieved that, whilst this brought a wave of memories back for you, it has offered you fresh reminders of your capabilities. My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your parents.
I agree; it's worth taking an objective review of our past experiences, especially as caregivers.
I do the same with my clients, too.
I appreciate your kind words of support. I hope my letter can help reframe personal expectations and inspire others to be more self-compassionate and kind to themselves.
Thanks, and thank you for being part of this Carer Mentor community. Wishing you much happiness too.
My friend, thank you for this! It is so hard to articulate to folks who aren’t in the storm the levels of uncertainty that caregiving brings, especially for “doers”. I’ve been saying to myself, “I am enough, I am doing enough” to calm the anxiety of living in this constantly changing reality with no known end date.
Exactly, Kerri!! I couldn't bring myself to say 'It is what it is' because, in an old work situation, when people said that, it seemed defeatist and contrary to a 'can-do' attitude. BUT in a caregiving situation we can't control things, so whilst I can't use that exact phrase I try to 'accept and acknowledge and see things as they are, without judgment' and try to have compassion and grace for myself...the journey continues!!
I'm saving your mantra now! We can only do our best and then we need to let go and not punish ourselves..I know I had a hard internal critic, with socially conditioned measures!