Hi Judi, Thanks. Perhaps it's because both my parents were doctors and I've seen/felt the changes in the UK health services, that I'm trying hard NOT to do a Them and Us thing (there's a lot of divisiveness going on right now!)
I want to recognise the space between; the disconnect - and I want to try to employ what I learnt from my couple of decades in corporate, to find ways to connect-better, Close the gap.
Ohhhh I think I better save these words for the next article - Just writing that for you has sparked a whole host of other pieces!
Insightful article, Victoria. Getting ready to say good-bye to one of our Fellows for our boy. She's been a staple on his team. She's taking a job at another hospital. I'm contemplating how some communication may go, if ever, after she is gone. We'll have to see. Anyway, gosh, the 'go bag' is everything!! We'd go in with no end date for leaving. It's been a while since the last stay. It's still not fully unpacked in my closet. And we are now post treatment. lol
Thanks, Mary Beth. Ooo any change creates angst, and the prospect of 'onboarding' someone else is always effort even if they're lovely. Let me know how it goes, I'll be thinking of you, your boy and the whole family!
The Go Bag gets updated regularly - the last hack was the plastic straws for the water bottle. A paramedic had the great straw idea but the paper one just absorbed water and was useless after 30mins!
Yes, angst is quiet passenger, always riding along. I’ve learned to just keep them tucked into their seat way in the back😄 Straws are a great add in! 🙏🏼 appreciate your care, Victoria💛
Boy this brought back memories of my demented husband and I at a 4:30 pm office visit on a Friday. Our internal medicine doc, usually a great guy, completely blew me off about a new devastating symptom. I felt totally abandoned. We never went back there. 😭
Anna, I’m sorry for you and your husband and the for the crushing devastation/trauma of your experience. I fully relate and empathize with you. On December 20, 2024 we received an equally devastating call from our PCP (my husband had “critical findings” on an MRI). We were asked to “pack a bag” for an IP diagnostic work up. This call was probably the most humane discussion we encountered over the next three and a half weeks. We departed the hospital, Christmas Eve with a diagnosis of Stage IV hepatocellular Ca. The journey, short and brief, digressed in all ways possible with each practitioner and service handoff. My dear husband of 46 years years survived less than three weeks. I hope and pray your journey continues with all the honor, respect and full scope communication and active listening deserved.
Hugs, Barbara. My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your husband. The lack of empathy and traumatic short three weeks sounds terrible. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience here and offering your empathy.
Oh Barbara, I am right there with you. We had two back to back week long hospitalizations toward the end of COVID and I sometimes still feel anger around that experience. Much love to you and yours.
I hear you Anna - your anger and any other feelings are absolutely natural. I still have anger and flashbacks - hospitalisations, falls, and a few direct interactions...the emotions may be less acute but, like grief, an event/moment can trigger the big flinch cringe. Love and hugs.
Aw Anna, I'm so sorry that this was triggering for you. HUGS and more hugs!
There is no TGIF (Thank goodness it's Friday) for any caregiver that I know . Now, it's a WTF-F. Rush around checks/prep before the weekend!
These are the defining moments, and possibly why long-term carers have lower threshold expectations - lower pedestals mean less disappointment-anger...sad but self-preservation!
so true my friend. Low expectations and a posse is my motto in retrospect. I had three very strong women to help shepherd us through the last weeks and months and I am so grateful
A much needed article! I’ve never found anything to work. I always thought it was because I was too aggressive. I need to employ your philosophy.
Hi Judi, Thanks. Perhaps it's because both my parents were doctors and I've seen/felt the changes in the UK health services, that I'm trying hard NOT to do a Them and Us thing (there's a lot of divisiveness going on right now!)
I want to recognise the space between; the disconnect - and I want to try to employ what I learnt from my couple of decades in corporate, to find ways to connect-better, Close the gap.
Ohhhh I think I better save these words for the next article - Just writing that for you has sparked a whole host of other pieces!
Insightful article, Victoria. Getting ready to say good-bye to one of our Fellows for our boy. She's been a staple on his team. She's taking a job at another hospital. I'm contemplating how some communication may go, if ever, after she is gone. We'll have to see. Anyway, gosh, the 'go bag' is everything!! We'd go in with no end date for leaving. It's been a while since the last stay. It's still not fully unpacked in my closet. And we are now post treatment. lol
Thanks, Mary Beth. Ooo any change creates angst, and the prospect of 'onboarding' someone else is always effort even if they're lovely. Let me know how it goes, I'll be thinking of you, your boy and the whole family!
The Go Bag gets updated regularly - the last hack was the plastic straws for the water bottle. A paramedic had the great straw idea but the paper one just absorbed water and was useless after 30mins!
Take care hon xo
Yes, angst is quiet passenger, always riding along. I’ve learned to just keep them tucked into their seat way in the back😄 Straws are a great add in! 🙏🏼 appreciate your care, Victoria💛
❤️
Boy this brought back memories of my demented husband and I at a 4:30 pm office visit on a Friday. Our internal medicine doc, usually a great guy, completely blew me off about a new devastating symptom. I felt totally abandoned. We never went back there. 😭
Yeah. Never be last on a Friday clinic schedule. On the + side it makes for a great opening scene in my memoir-in-progress. 😉🫶
Anna, I’m sorry for you and your husband and the for the crushing devastation/trauma of your experience. I fully relate and empathize with you. On December 20, 2024 we received an equally devastating call from our PCP (my husband had “critical findings” on an MRI). We were asked to “pack a bag” for an IP diagnostic work up. This call was probably the most humane discussion we encountered over the next three and a half weeks. We departed the hospital, Christmas Eve with a diagnosis of Stage IV hepatocellular Ca. The journey, short and brief, digressed in all ways possible with each practitioner and service handoff. My dear husband of 46 years years survived less than three weeks. I hope and pray your journey continues with all the honor, respect and full scope communication and active listening deserved.
Hugs, Barbara. My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your husband. The lack of empathy and traumatic short three weeks sounds terrible. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience here and offering your empathy.
Oh Barbara, I am right there with you. We had two back to back week long hospitalizations toward the end of COVID and I sometimes still feel anger around that experience. Much love to you and yours.
I hear you Anna - your anger and any other feelings are absolutely natural. I still have anger and flashbacks - hospitalisations, falls, and a few direct interactions...the emotions may be less acute but, like grief, an event/moment can trigger the big flinch cringe. Love and hugs.
Aw Anna, I'm so sorry that this was triggering for you. HUGS and more hugs!
There is no TGIF (Thank goodness it's Friday) for any caregiver that I know . Now, it's a WTF-F. Rush around checks/prep before the weekend!
These are the defining moments, and possibly why long-term carers have lower threshold expectations - lower pedestals mean less disappointment-anger...sad but self-preservation!
so true my friend. Low expectations and a posse is my motto in retrospect. I had three very strong women to help shepherd us through the last weeks and months and I am so grateful
Excellent advice!
Thanks, for reading and commenting, Anthony!