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Helen Landalf's avatar

What a truly heart-wrenching letter. Making that choice for another person is always difficult, but infinitely more so when they are as difficult as your husband. I had to make that choice for a verbally and emotionally abusive younger brother. Fortunately, the doctors were realistic with me about his chances for recovering enough to live a life of any quality. My heart goes out to you.

Searching for the Words's avatar

An incredibly courageous letter, Allie. Raw and honest, cutting through to the core. I have long thought that just because we can prolong life in previously un-thought-of circumstances does not mean we should. I pray that through this long hard experience you can eventually find some peace.

Allie Varga_Spousal Caregiver's avatar

Thank you, writing this letter has been cathartic to say the least. The funny thing about it all is I have always promoted not saving lives if the prognosis is poor. So on top of everything else I have had to deal with my own hypocrisy.

Victoria's avatar

Aww hon. Hugs. That's awful and a very harsh self-critique.

Over and over, I've had to relearn that what I may strategise in my mind in theory can be completely different when I'm standing in the moment, weighing things and making decisions. As the power of attorney for each of my parents, adhering to their wishes but also trying to do what's best for them has weighed heavily - hence why I had my hand on my heart reading your letter.

Please give yourself some love and grace, hon. You did your best with respect. xo

Searching for the Words's avatar

Be gentle with yourself, Allie. You acted out of love during what you know well were impossible circumstances. You sought to honour your husband. That’s not hypocrisy. That’s just naiviete. And you can't blame yourself for that. Because how could you know? The people who do know should have spelled it out. The problem with modern medicine is that no one has the time to take family members aside to spell out the implications. And specialists look at their own specialty. If they can fix their thing, they try to fix it, without looking at the whole person. Without considering the big picture. Hugs to you.

Victoria's avatar

Graceful words, Patricia and so very true. xo

Helen Palmer's avatar

Incredibly moving and heartbreaking letter. What an impossible choice.

Allie Varga_Spousal Caregiver's avatar

Thank you and yes it was very difficult.