I launched the website on my Dad’s birthday in 2020, the first without him. I joined Substack in October 2023 and could finally build the community support network I’d envisaged, with this fifth evolution of Carer Mentor. I’m continuing to build Carer Mentor through collaborations, anthologies, and articles while caring for my mother.

The Carer Mentor website is a hub of tools, resources & insights, as well as a community support network. A portal of hope ❤️ Start exploring here.

All the articles and resources are freely available. You’ll soon realise how much time, passion and effort I put into supporting carers. If you’d like to support my work, please consider upgrading your subscription to a monthly or annual subscription. Thank you!

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Dear Friends, these are the recent gems I’ve found that felt satisfying. When you’ve limited watch time, you want to know you’ve solid go-tos. Enjoy!

The Curiosity Shop. March 19 2026.

“Welcome to The Curiosity Shop! In the inaugural episode, Brené and Adam discuss how a public disagreement about authenticity almost ended their relationship before it began. For the first time, they discuss where they went wrong, why they changed their minds about each other, and what they learned about repair and trust. They also explore what healthy authenticity looks like, and dive into the many things they may still never fully see eye to eye on – from email vs. texting to remote work to faith.”

At 53min36

“Adam Grant: I love the way you just reframe that as as complex simplicity. That’s a great paradox.

Brené Brown: But complex simplicity is why metaphor and story and analogy to say take something complex and then put it in a dimension that people understand.

Adam: Poetry too. And this is why we’re doing this show. Like the the curiosity shop is all about trying to reach complex simplicity in a world that wants easy answers and quick fixes and consumes way too much snake oil.”

At 39:12 Brené: I’m just blown away by the application of your rigor, the same application of your rigor around organizational and behavioral science to becoming a better person.

The episodes Brené mentions in The Curiosity Shop

“Apologising and repairing what was off” Apologise and Repair.

Brené Brown Unlocking Us Podcast. May 8, 2020.

1. Dr. Harriet Lerner. on I’m Sorry: How to Apologize and Why It Matters, Part 1 of 2

2. Dr. Harriet Lerner on I’m Sorry: How to Apologize and Why It Matters, Part 2 of 2

This is the first episode of two-part special based on a course that Dr. Harriet Lerner and I did together on her groundbreaking book Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts. It’s an authentic, hard conversation about making mistakes, healing hurts, and being brave. Harriet is a friend, mentor, and teacher. Her work has shaped my career and made my life better. During a time of deep uncertainty and anxiety — when many of us have struggled to be our best selves all of the time — apologizing has never been more important.

“All There Is” with Anderson Cooper.

“Talking Grief. Building Community” Watch on the CNN website or on YouTube.

I recommend exploring the episodes on YouTube and reading the comments

“Grief can feel so lonely but talking about it and listening to others share their experiences helps. In all new episodes of this award-winning podcast, Anderson Cooper continues his deeply personal exploration of grief in all its complexities. In moving and honest discussions, he learns from others who have faced life-altering losses. Join the community to share your story and watch Anderson's weekly streaming show All There Is Live at cnn.com/allthereis” - as seen on YouTube

Sara Bareilles debuts ‘Home,’ a new song about grief inspired by Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert. March 20, 2026

“In a new song "Home" that Sara wrote after listening to Anderson’s talk with Stephen Colbert, she sings, "What is broken cannot heal 'till it's known and loved by name." In this moving conversation she shares "Home" for the first time and talks with Anderson about the "medicinal" nature of sharing one's grief with others.”

They also talk about the song Sara did with Brandi Carlile for the film “Come see me in the good light”, called “Salt Then Sour Then Sweet”

Andrea Gibson + Megan Falley. It's Ok to Ask Questions (S3:E1) June 1 2025

“Matthew Rodrigues interviews non-binary spoken word poet Andrea Gibson and their wife, writer Megan Falley, about how Andrea’s terminal cancer diagnosis has transformed their love and life. The couple speaks candidly about how facing mortality has deepened their connection, stripped away the unnecessary, and brought a new clarity to what truly matters. With tenderness and honesty, they reflect on the beauty, grief, and presence that now shape their relationship and creative work.”

I highly recommend watching “Come see me in the good light” on AppleTV.

Emma Thompson Breaks Down Her Most Iconic Characters (9 December 2025)

“We served Olivia Colman & Benedict Cumberbatch a FEAST! “The Dish Podcast.

Interviews over food and drink! Beware you will get hungry. Watch the ones with Tom Holland, Keira Knightly and Jennifer Garner - the Yorkshire Pudding blew her mind!

These videos are a little addictive because they’re funny and less formal compared to other podcasts.

Calling all food lovers! Join Nick Grimshaw and Michelin star chef Angela Hartnett for weekly servings of hilarious, unfiltered chat with celebrity guests, and a feast of foodie tips. New full-length video episodes every Wednesday! Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Brought to you by Waitrose & Partners and Cold Glass Productions.

The Skin Deep

I recently discovered The Skin Deep.

“The Skin Deep is your source for the best relationship card games in the world. The only Emmy-award winning relationship card game company and creators of {THE AND}, Kidulting, and Honest X conversation card games. Explore your relationships including friendship, dating, marriage, intimacy, work and human connection.

Our videos illuminate human relationships - couples, family, friends, coworkers, strangers and more. We celebrate and amplify real connections in increasingly disconnected world by capturing genuine, heartfelt conversations between two people.”

Buy Our Card Games
Subscribe to get your regular does of humanity

This was so touching.

Mar 1, 2026 Gonzalo (he/him) & Berlin (she/her) play {THE AND} Family Edition and reflect on what it means to grow up together as father and daughter. In this heartfelt conversation, they talk about becoming a parent, learning through mistakes, letting go of control, and finding balance between protection and independence. Together, they explore identity, trust, vulnerability, and how their biggest lessons came from each other.

A couple that has each other’s back

Keisha (she/her) & Andrew (he/him) return for their 8th {THE AND} conversation, playing the Couples Edition once again. As longtime community favorites, we’ve followed their relationship across more than a decade of conversations, witnessing how their partnership continues to evolve through love, loss, creativity, and now parenthood.

In this episode, they reflect on navigating conflict without disconnection, balancing time and emotional energy as parents of two, and how humor helps them stay close when things feel heavy. Together, they share what it means to grow side by side, honor their different upbringings, and keep choosing each other through a season that asks more from both of them.

For Giggles

Carisa Hendrix & Lucy Darling

• Well if the shoe fits - Lucy Darling the persona and performer in action

• The Behind the Scenes - Carisa Hendrix the person and backstory

• The Origins of Lucy - Carisa talks through the evolution of the persona. How she trained her voice was intriguing.

ComfortZone #11 This Caregiver’s Music is updated

I just added a new playlist to this ComfortZone article, called “Small Wins Confident.” If you haven’t heard the two big songs from KPop Demon Hunters I recommend going over to listen to the first two songs on the playlist.

Have a great day!

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This is the eleventh ComfortZone article. I started to curate this section on the Carer Mentor website back in December 2024.

The first article has a wealth of ideas: #1 This Caregiver’s Watchlist. ‘Feel the feels’, escape reality or be transported by music.

A backbone of music to stabilise this year

Each year, I update a few playlists to stabilise, soothe or shift my mood during the year ahead.

Over the course of the year, I curate other playlists with new discoveries and motivators.

But these are the songs or classical pieces that serve as vertebrae, keeping me upright or moving. These make me feel more centred, and enable my head, heart and gut to align again.

Here are four playlists for 2026. You can download/follow me (vcinspire) on Spotify.

1. Positive Comfort. This was started in November 2019, two months before my father passed. It contains the big power ballad by Andrea Faustini, which was my carer’s anthem; ‘I Didn’t Know My Own Strength.’

   Demi Lovato’s ‘Sorry, not sorry,’ and Sia’s ‘Unstoppable’ are the defiant keep-going songs that motivate me.

2. Classical Soother. The title says it all. There are many classics within this. Erik Satie’s Gnossienne No.1 is one of my favourites, because it embodies the slightly off beat, melodic and melancholic discombobulation, I’ve so often felt.

   Whereas Delibes Lakmé: Act 1 Dôme épais, le jasmin’, soars.

3. Housework. This used to be the ‘Change the sheets’ playlist. It makes chores fun and gets me dancing. There are various GenXer themes in here.

4. 2026 Journaling. A new creation with some of my faves.

Nimrod is one of the most comforting pieces for me. The strings and brass, strain and offer a slightly melancholic yearning. But then the music swells. There are waves of faithful chords that feel like an affirmation.

if you’re interested - here’s a short video explaining Elgar’s Enigma Variations:

5. Imaginings - Film scores. I’ve used this repeatedly to open up my thinking, transport me to new imaginings and reframe things. I hope this helps you too.

6. Enigmas - holding space When you’re feeling discombobulated and unable to pin down exactly how you’re feeling, sometimes it’s good just to hold the space. No judgment. Not pushing. Just being. Human

7. Small Wins Confident. If you haven’t heard “Golden” or watched KPop Demon Hunters on Netflix, please do both. The soundtrack’s great. I use this playlist for short, fist pump ‘YES!’ moments. The small boosts of confidence or small win celebrations. It’s not quite like the others, because I don’t play this all the way through.

FUN FACT and PROTIP: In Spotify on the far right of the playlist, there’s a small down arrow, only visible if you hover over it next to the clock (duration) symbol. If you hit the arrow you can choose what’s displayed. If you choose BPM, you can see the beats per minute. It’s a good way to curate a walk or run playlist e.g. start at 115 BPM then gradually increase to 155 BPM. Easier than trying to guess the walk/run pace.

Remembering David Bowie.

The Guardian Article: ‘A perplexing, astonishing finale’: world pays tribute to David Bowie a decade after his death

“Ten years ago this week, David Bowie turned 69, released his 26th album, Blackstar – and then exited the stage for good when he died on 10 January.”

The Victoria and Albert (V&A) David Bowie Collection Watch, read, listen and see pieces in the collection.

“Tracing Bowie’s shifting style and sustained reinvention across five decades, highlights include artwork for the Diamond Dogs album, iconic photographs by Kevin Cummins and Terry O’Neill, and a set design for Bowie’s successful Serious Moonlight tour. The collection features several collaborations with artists and designers, demonstrating how Bowie’s work was influenced by and also influenced wider movements in art, design, theatre and contemporary culture.”

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Don’t forget

There’s a large hub of articles in Carer Mentor

iCare Stack is a hub of articles and a portal to other authors/writers/creators’ publications focused on caregiving. I curate the indexes and anthologies, so you don’t have to spend your precious time and energy scrolling or searching.

This is the tenth Caregiver’s Watchlist article. You can browse through the others in the ComfortZone here. I shared the premise for the Caregiver’s Watchlist series here.

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September is my birthday month, so I had a wonderful respite break.

I’ve been focused on various business-related tasks, including a lot of admin work and several client meetings. Thanks to those involved in the ‘Letters from a Caregiver’ Collaboration. I love collaborating and connecting with you.

September is always super-busy, so I’ve tapped into some brain distractions and mood shifters to help me switch focus.

Have you noticed how humming, singing, dancing a little, or laughing hard can shift your mood? Sometimes, intentionally using them as tools can help re-energise the brain and body. For me, music and movement help my concentration and clarity.

We can’t control our thoughts or feelings, but we can choose how we act or respond to them.

Care to ‘Shake it Off’ (cue dance moves)?

FYI , , ,

NPR Music: Ed Sheeran Tiny Desk Concert (September 12, 2025)

I just discovered this on YouTube. Even if you’re not an Ed Sheeran fan, take a look at how he uses the Loop Pedal. Genius talent. Mind blown. Thanks NPR Music.

SET LIST: “Sapphire”, “A Little More”, “Camera”, “Photograph”, “Azizam”.

More genius

Pianote (September 18, 2025). This is SO good.

Pianote is a great source of amazing talent. Musicians hear a song and freestyle their own tracks. Jesús Molina (click for his bio)1 hears the drum line and vocals and creates different instrumentals to accompany it. GEEZ! He hears the original Justin Timberlake version at 11:38.

The Laughter that gets me everytime…

Friends - Bloopers 1994-2004

Friends Bloopers All Seasons (final part)

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This is the ninth Caregiver’s Watchlist article. You can browse through the others in the ComfortZone here. I shared the premise for the Caregiver’s Watchlist series here.

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If you’re having ‘Summer holiday’ envy, or feeling fed up because it’s too hot to sleep, or you're just too tired from caregiving, I hope this watchlist offers a portal to elsewhere or offers some on-demand distractions.

‘Giving yourself the permission to…’

…reframe life through the lens of the cutest dogs and the dulcet Scottish tones of Andrew Cotter.

mrandrewcotter: Olive and Mabel

Mr Andrew Cotter. During the pandemic, sports commentator Andrew Cotter started a YouTube Channel about Olive and Mabel. It has 203’000 subscribers now. Dare you not to melt inside when you watch this.

…or melt into the awe-inspiring sunrise and sunset views at the beach.

There are lots of videos and some stunning views and scenery like this one: Olive and Mabel - Sunrise, Sunset

…revel in the Proms 2025 (July 18, 2025)

The world's greatest classical music festival - live from the Royal Albert Hall. Stunning concerts, unique collaborations and the sheer joy of music bringing people together.

BBC iPlayer https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/b007v097/bbc-proms

YouTube First Night at the Proms

The world’s greatest classical music festival gets under way live from the Royal Albert Hall, with works by Mendelssohn, Vaughan Williams and Sibelius.

Petroc Trelawny and Georgia Mann present the spectacular concert which kicks off the summer’s Proms season. The music includes Mendelssohn’s Hebrides Overture, Bliss’s Birthday Fanfare and Sibelius’s majestic Violin Concerto performed by world-class soloist Lisa Batiashvili. A world premiere by Errollyn Wallen - The Elements - starts the second half, followed by Vaughan Williams’s powerful Sancta Civitas with tenor Caspar Singh, baritone Gerald Finley, and the BBC Singers and Symphony Chorus.

Give yourself permission to be creative | Ethan Hawke | TED (August 11, 2020)

Reflecting on moments that shaped his life, actor Ethan Hawke examines how courageous expression promotes healing and connection with one another -- and invites you to discover your own unabashed creativity. "There is no path till you walk it," he says.

There are a few of his reflections that struck a chord. I recommend watching to the very end. This is one of my favourite pieces within his talk:

(Timestamp 7mins42)

So, if you want to help your community, if you want to help your family, if you want to help your friends, you have to express yourself. And to express yourself, you have to know yourself. It's actually super easy. You just have to follow your love. There is no path. There's no path till you walk it, and you have to be willing to play the fool.

…Be inspired by women reclaiming their voice.

In this funny, heartfelt film. An American-Indian, ‘Crazy-Rich-Asians’ vibe, but with a feminist plot.

India Sweets and Spices Duration 1hr 41mins Available on Amazon Prime

When Alia returns home from university, she challenges her parents' elitist lifestyle; expensive jewellery, lavish dinner parties, and gossiping aunties. But when she invites the son of a local shopkeeper to her mother's upcoming soiree, family secrets begin to surface.

…be lit up by a little love…a belated Valentine’s ‘First Dates’ episode

Heart lifting moments and giggles, are bubbles of lightness for any day.

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This is the eighth Caregiver’s Watchlist article. You can browse through the others in the ComfortZone here. I shared the premise for the Caregiver’s Watchlist series here.

It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster last month, for reasons I’ll share in an article soon. For now, I’m leaning into finding glimmers, comfort and gratitude. Some of my Go-To’s, as you may already know, are

• music, especially amazing singers and musicians,

• good shows, films and series focused on complex human relationships and moral beauty

• and who doesn’t love cute puppies

Enjoy this list.

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Emeli Sandé - Clown (Live At the Royal Albert Hall) (January 13, 2013)

Wikipedia Bio. This gave me chills. The control in her voice, the lyrics. Goosebumps.

Sara Bareilles - She Used To Be Mine | Waitress June 14 2024

Wikipedia Bio. You can watch the full musical on Apple TV or Amazon Prime. I enjoyed ‘Little Voice’

Cynthia Erivo Breaks Down Her Favorite Vocal Performances Ever (Beyoncé, Aretha, Whitney & More)

I was curious to learn what Cynthia Erivo would share because she’s so talented.

and - I thought of you both when she describes the notes of Beyoncé’s voice are like the notes in wine. (Timestamp 11:38)

Cynthia Erivo joins EW to share seven incredible vocal performances that continue to blow her mind. - Entertainment Weekly

Teenager Kaylee Shimizu's Voice on "Golden Slumbers" The Voice Blinds

(Oct 4, 2023) This is one of my favourite songs.

November 1, 2019. Sheku Kanneh-Mason plays Elgar: Nimrod

Broadway for ALS - Aaron Lazar: The Impossible Dream.

I thought of you when I saw this

(August 22, 2024) 'The Impossible Dream’ is the title track from Aaron Lazar’s debut album IMPOSSIBLE DREAM. Featuring an all-star cast of artists from the theater and pop world: Kristin Chenoweth, Josh Groban, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Kelli O'Hara, Leslie Odom, Jr, Liz Callaway, Neil Patrick Harris, STING and many more!

Proceeds from the sale of the album will benefit the ALS Network and Aaron Lazar who continues to face ALS with unwavering resilience.

Purchase CD/Vinyl/Digital Download: https://hypeddit.com/impossibledream

iTunes here: https://music.apple.com/us/album/impo...

Podcast That Was Us (July 8, 2025) Ep. 55: Justin Hartley and Us | Kevin Pearson

I’m pretty sure you will want to see this, if you haven’t already!

He shares what it was like auditioning for the role, the ways he connected with Kevin’s journey, and how the experience shaped his life both personally and professionally. Justin also reflects on the close bonds he formed with the cast, opens up about life after the show, gives us a glimpse into what he’s working on now, and so much more! That Was Us is produced by Rabbit Grin Productions. Music by Taylor Goldsmith and Griffin Goldsmith.

I highly recommend the amazing ensemble show This Is Us. It’s an American drama television series created by Dan Fogelman that aired on NBC from September 20, 2016, to May 24, 2022, that’s six seasons.

I loved the show because it’s great acting, exploring human relationships, challenges and weaknesses. Some of the main actors created this rewatch podcast.

You can stream This Is Us on Amazon Prime, Disney Plus, and Apple

The Dog House: Rescue Puppies Looking for Forever Families After Being Overlooked

The Dog House short videos are very cute stories of matching rescue dogs with families. Every story is heartwarming and uplifting.

and I thought of you when I saw this episode with puppies.

Thank you for being here and being part of this community network.

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It’s inspiring to see how these three people are reimagining their purpose through art, or art through their purpose in life. What they do is imaginative, connects and inspires.

I hope you feel lighter after watching these.

Hello, dear Readers. I’m Victoria (She/her/hers). I cared for my Dad through to his passing (the hellish dark days with grains of joy), and now I look after Mum (calmer waters, with moments of joy and several giggles). You can read more about why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?’

This is the seventh Caregiver’s Watchlist article. You can browse through the others in the ComfortZone here. I shared the premise for the Caregiver’s Watchlist series here.

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'Imagination, Connection and Hope'

One Artist’s Imagination Goes Wild

Shea Hembrey: How I became 100 artists (June 14 2011)

How do you stage an international art show with work from 100 different artists? If you're Shea Hembrey, you invent all the artists and artwork yourself -- from large-scale outdoor installations to tiny paintings drawn with a single-haired brush. Watch this funny, mind-bending talk to see the explosion of creativity and diversity of skills a single artist is capable of.

This is hilarious, brilliantly creative, and inspiring. I’m sure it’ll make you smile!

The power of imagination and the use of simple criteria: ‘if I can’t explain it to my Mema in five minutes…’

Here is Shea Hembrey’s website with Seek. The Inaugural Biennial

From his website:

seek consists of hundreds of individual works of art, and exists wholly as one singular work of art:
SEEK: 100 IN 2011—THE INAUGURAL EXHIBITION, the biennial catalogue for the inaugural exhibition.

Josh Rubin’s interview with Shea: ‘Shea Hembrey: 100 Artists. One artist invents one hundred to create a truly unique biennial’ in Cool Hunting (September 22, 2011)

The Creative Process of Art Builds Connections and Change

JR Can Art Change the World (June 27, 2022)

Famed for enormous black-and-white portraits that are pasted on surfaces ranging from the Louvre to the US-Mexico border wall, multimedia artist JR continues to tackle ambitious projects. In this powerfully moving talk, he shares how he made a giant mural on the courtyard floor of a maximum-security prison -- with the help of guards and prisoners alike -- and ended up with much more than a compelling image. - JR

Some of the most potent insights he makes are said almost as throwaway remarks, in between the banter-bits.

The brilliance of the digitised stories in the mural, the shaking of hands—this is when the process, the acts of art demonstrate how we can create bridges of communication well beyond the image we see or the words we hear in this presentation.

You know, I want to use art as a bridge to make people talk to each other. I'm not an activist, I'm just an artist. I don't try to tell people what to think. I just try to make them think. And I really see art, to me, it's like, it's in the process. That's what's important. And after this whole project, after everything I showed you, what shook them, what struck them the most, is that I shook their hand. So at the end, they even asked me for a hug. Now I remember their first question, which was: What is the purpose of your art? Well, art can change things, but can it change the world? Or can it change a man? Before you answer that question, think, at some point in your life, have you changed? And if yes, if you did, why can't they? - JR

Hopeful Optimism. Sharing Music and Vision for Change

The transformative power of classical music (February 2008)

Benjamin Zander A leading interpreter of Mahler and Beethoven, Benjamin Zander is known for his unyielding energy and charismatic pre-concert talks.

The title of this TED talk and opening is deceptive. Beyond the exuberance of the speaker there are profound messages. These are the gems I search for, the insights that speakers gift to us, through creative translations. Sometimes, it’s a piece of art, sometimes it’s music.

In this instance, Benjamin Zander interprets and translates music to help us follow the vision Chopin intended for his listeners.

He also makes us active participants in his experiment - not only to have a greater appreciation of classical music, but also to motivate us to inspire others—see the light appear in the eyes of others.

The conductor doesn't make a sound. He depends, for his power, on his ability to make other people powerful. And that changed everything for me. It was totally life-changing. People in my orchestra said, "Ben, what happened?" That's what happened. I realized my job was to awaken possibility in other people. And of course, I wanted to know whether I was doing that. How do you find out? You look at their eyes. If their eyes are shining, you know you're doing it.

I hope you feel lighter after watching these.

Thank you for being here and being part of this community network.

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When you have limited energy and time, I hope Carer Mentor can offer you heartfelt empathy and comfort alongside the wealth of resources/insights. You can read more about why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?’

Hello Dear Friends,

It’s Poetry Month in the US, so I thought I’d share a poem I wrote in the thick, toughest months of caring for Dad.

A Hard Exhale to Me

The adrenalin burns Hard, the condensed coals tough fractured, 
spitting the dense emotion 
jagged crystals splinter from the outer shell.
The crack, breaking, opens a fissure to vent—Shell split.
The soft embers fizzle with a gasp—release
And breath to a mist, embers
of warm relief. Exhale. Emerging
smoky white light tendrils
from the dark to air
escape, free
Safe.
To Me.

To Me.
Safe, escape from the dark. White-light, 
Exhale. 
And breath, with a gasp, opens. Splinter the dense emotion. 
Hard.

Hard, exhale. To Me

This shares the paradoxical essence I found in the toughest, most emotional parts of caregiving, which brought me back to myself.

This is NOT about silver linings or toxic positivity (UGGHH!). I will never belittle how raw and painful things have been. However, the topsy-turvy reality is that I found/better understood myself by digging deep and through. This poem is the insight arc of This Caregiver’s Watchlist article.

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This watchlist may be too close to the bone for some readers.

It shares videos about Dementia and Alzheimer’s, raising awareness of the impact on caregivers and how early, ‘early’ onset Alzheimer’s can be.

You are not alone.

Table of Contents

1. The Taking Care Documentary by James Keach

2. Personal Note by Victoria

3. Hilarity for Charity by Lauren Miller Rogen & Seth Rogen

4. Extreme Love: Dementia, a documentary by Louis Theroux and Dementia, the unforgettable impact on caregivers.

5. Why Caring For Yourself Is The Best Thing To Do As a Caretaker IMO with Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson with Lauren Miller Rogen & Seth Rogen. March 19, 2025

1. “Taking Care” The Legacies We’ll Accept and Those We Won’t

Directed and produced by award-winning filmmaker James Keach, Taking Care is a 38-minute documentary following the journey of acclaimed filmmakers Seth Rogen and Lauren Miller Rogen as they navigate the complexities and heartbreak of Lauren’s mother’s advancing Alzheimer’s disease. Through humor, heart, and an unwavering commitment to change, Taking Care imparts a message of hope, resilience, and the profound impact individuals can have when they seek solutions to society’s greatest challenges.

Taking Care - Official Trailer

Now streaming on FUSE+, Amazon, Apple TV+, and Google Play.

2. Personal note by Victoria

I recommend watching the full documentary. It’s heartbreaking, so real and the last portion about caregivers struck close to home for me.

While my Dad had vascular dementia, not Alzheimers the images of what these caregivers go through transported me back to the last 6-8 months of caring for Dad.

The emotional rollercoaster, physical and mental experience is overwhelming.

In the ‘Taking Care’ documentary I appreciated their messages around actions that are within our control to try to reduce our risk of Dementia.

No clichés, lectures or promotions, simply suggesting there are some things in our control, we can do.

The main messages I took away were

• to share the realities of Dementia with younger generations, for the sake of their health

• increase everyone’s deeper understanding about caregiving, beyond the veneer

• expand and amplify the realities/impact of Dementia particularly on caregivers who need much more support,

• be proactive about our health choices.

3. Lauren Miller Rogen & Seth Rogen1 founded Hilarity for Charity

“Bringing Light to Alzheimer’s”

Hilarity for Charity (HFC) is a national non-profit on a mission to care for families impacted by Alzheimer’s disease, activate the next generation of Alzheimer’s advocates, and be a leader in brain health research and education.

The Hilarity for Charity Event is streaming on Netflix.

4 Extreme Love: dementia a documentary by Louis Theroux and Dementia, the unforgettable impact on caregivers.

A link to ‘Extreme Love: Dementia’ a documentary by Louis Theroux is in the article below.

It’s a tough watch, especially the behaviour of advanced dementia sufferers.

If the documentaries or this information has affected you in anyway please reach out to others for support. There are links to trained experts and organisations in the article.

5. SETH & LAUREN ROGEN — Why Caring For Yourself Is The Best Thing To Do As a Caretaker IMO with Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson Full Episodes Mar 19, 2025

Filmmakers Seth and Lauren Rogen join the show to answer a listener’s question about family upheaval caused by caring for an aging parent. Seth and Lauren open up about caring for Lauren’s mother after she received an early Alzheimer’s diagnosis, and Michelle and Craig share stories about the family caretaking that shaped their childhoods. Also find out how new hobbies and ceramic bongs could help you stay sharp as you age.

[00:00] - Introduction

[00:50] - The Robinson's Personal Connect to Alzheimers

[08:00] - Introducing Seth and Lauren Rogen

[10:00] - The Rogens’ Personal Connection to Alzheimer’s

[12:00] - Animation as a Medium for Storytelling

[16:00] - The Emotional Weight of the Project

[20:00] - The Stigma of Alzheimer’s

[24:00] - Raising Awareness Through Storytelling

[28:00] - Lauren’s Journey as a Caregiver

[32:00] - The Importance of Early Detection

[36:00] - Seth’s Perspective on Supporting a Loved One

[40:00] - Advice for Families Dealing with Alzheimer’s

[44:00] - Closing Thoughts & Call to Action

Victoria’s comment: [FYI I’m not a huge fan of the word ‘care taker’2 ]

When Lauren shares her perspective at 40:00 minutes, I appreciate how she treads carefully into the crux of the conversation—expectations of parents and adult children, of themselves and each other, and giving advice (always difficult if you want to avoid ‘telling’ or ‘lecturing.’

THIS was the part I was particularly intrigued to hear. Have a listen and let me know your thoughts.

Lauren was 20 when her Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers. She says her Mother ‘was not scared for herself she was scared for us.’ and ‘I was not to give up what I was becoming in my early 20s to take care of her.’

In my view, not everyone feels they have a choice and some people can find themselves ‘sleepwalking’ into becoming a caregiver, regardless of age.

As a stubbornly independent person I had to be 100% clear that caregiving was my head-heart-gut aligned choice, but also that it doesn’t consume 100% of me. I’ve been very proactive in defining what ‘taking care of myself’ and ‘success’ means. I’ll share more about how I’ve done that within my articles.

Lauren and Seth are raising awareness so that others will reach out, connect and find resources. In the US, they highlight ‘Care navigators’ that can help caregivers of Alzheimer’s sufferers get support. Here’s a link to the Hilarity for Charity Caregiver Resources.

If I need to know anything about Dementia Caregiving I go to my friend publication ‘The Long Goodbye: Dementia Caregiving where she’s curated her list of Caregiver’s Dementia Resources and provided a list of Dementia related publications.

“I’m a sixty-something, single, childless, sober writer who’s spent years writing about sex, drugs, and drunkenness. Shortly after turning thirty-three I got sober. I taught creative nonfiction while working full time in a nonprofit and caregiving my elderly mother as she skidded down the road to from mild cognitive impairment to full-blown dementia.”

read more about Jodi here

There is heartfelt hilarity, light with dark, hefty reality and fabulous attitude, in Jodi’s writing. Love pours out of the photos, videos and giggles with her mother. Go take a peek, if you haven’t already!

A final word..

I hope we can be light-makers and light givers for each other in the Carer Mentor community, whether that’s through humour or insights, or both!

Even if you’re in the dark, reach out, tag someone in, dark humour, giggles or simple resonance can make things lighter. Together. Community.

Thank you for being here. If you’re not already a member I hope you’ll subscribe to be part of our growing community network.

If you would like to show your support, please consider subscribing for £6 a month or £50 a year.

Please Remember to ‘❤️’ LIKE the article to guide others to these resources

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Thank you!

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The Website offers easy navigation of all the articles. I recommend viewing the website in that desktop version to navigate the various indexes and interlinked articles. There’s a wealth of resources and articles for you to browse.

Here are a few discoveries for you.

I’m sharing what I need to see—some inspirational moments of camaraderie and sharing insights. They’re easy to watch and don't require overthinking.

It’s been an appointment-full month over here!

Best wishes

This is the fifth Watchlist article within the ComfortZone section of the Carer Mentor Website.

I’m building the Carer Mentor Website to be our dynamic Go-To Resource.When you have limited energy and time, I hope this space can offer you heartfelt empathy, and comfort, alongside the wealth of resources/insights.

Actress Roundtable: Angelina Jolie ('Maria'), Demi Moore ('The Substance'), Mikey Madison ('Anora'), Tilda Swinton ('The Room Next Door'), Zendaya ('Challengers, Dune: Part Two') and Zoe Saldaña ('Emilia Pérez') By The Hollywood Reporter link. (January 3, 2025)

I found this gem recently, and thought its a great watch alongside this article: “The 2025 FilmStack Oscars Round Table. By 14 of your favourite film writers take on the Academy Award nominees!”

FYI:

You’ll understand why I may start learning how to sing opera if you listen to Angelina Jolie’s words! (timestamp at 19min11s)

Ariana Grande, Cynthia Erivo, Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth Talk About Their 'Wicked' Legacy

*Spoiler Warning: This video contains spoilers for 'Wicked'* Step into the world of 'Wicked' with Ariana Grande, Cynthia Erivo, Idina Menzel, and Kristin Chenoweth as they open up about their iconic roles in the beloved musical. From their personal connections to the story of Elphaba and Glinda to the impact of 'Wicked' on pop culture, these stars reflect on the legacy of the show that defied gravity and became a Broadway phenomenon.

FYI

Songwriters Roundtable: Billie Eilish ('Barbie'), Cynthia Erivo ('Drift'), Dua Lipa ('Barbie'), Jon Batiste ('American Symphony'), Julia Michaels ('Wish') and Olivia Rodrigo ('The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes') talk about their songwriting inspiration, their very first music purchase and why Billie thought she had already hit her "peak" in Off Script With The Hollywood Reporter hosted by Yvonne Orji. By The Hollywood Reporter link. (January 1, 2024)

FYI:

QUESTION Timestamp 26min09: As creators what is it like when you do hear that your music has really helped someone in a hard time really just helping them persevere when it's so hard to to think positively

Billie Eilish it's hard to take in I find myself like - overwhelmed - yeah I don't really know how to like believe it. Because I know what it's like to be in that position and it's so real and to think that you're helping somebody who's in that is really um it's hard to believe and it's really astounding and special and almost you feel like undeserving. Like I didn't deserve to help you through that but it's so special and powerful

Jon Batiste, Dua Lipa, Billie Eilish: that's a great way of put it. I feel that way. A lot of people say some stuff and I'm like you know yeah yeah but it's so to be a part of someone's like so magical experience. It's very surreal.

Cynthia Erivo: It makes you focus in on the thing that you're actually doing. So there's lots of noise around the actual art of making something: making music, making film, making TV, whatever it is. But when a person has taken the time to listen to be there where meet you where you’re at, meet you where you were, when you made the thing and take that with them in their daily life and use it as a tool to help them get through whatever they're getting through… You're a part of their lives

You have made something that that sticks with them that they get to carry with them and that is possibly one of the most incredible honours you can have. So that anything else is just not important. That is the important thing. Making things that that people can hang on to when there's nothing else to hang on to.

I think to refocus whenever it feels like everything else is out of focus.. on THAT I think that's really really special.

Timestamp 22min05 Jon Batiste talks about American Symphony and Creativity as the act of survival

A thought from me: This is why we need the creators and the artists, those who help us through, who can help us bypass our need to think, and engage our ability to feel through, navigate through whatever is going on.

This is why we need to connect with our inner creativity and artistry - to help us translate what’s inside us to the outside world, and help each other navigate our way through it all.

And its why I loved American Symphony the Netflix film with Jon Batiste and Suleika Jaouad

Jon Batiste’s ‘American Symphony’ Wins 2025 Grammy For Best Music Film (By Jacklyn Krol | January 30, 2025)

Last word

Whatever you’re going through, I’m sending some virtual empathy and support.

I hope this gives you something to dip into when you have some time for yourself. Often, I don’t need hours of indulgence, I just need a few moments of comfort. Something I know, and can rely on to give me some inspiration.

My hope is that the ComfortZone section of the Carer Mentor Website can be your go to resource for those few moments of relief and comfort.

There are many more Hollywood Reporter episodes on YouTube. I just picked a few for the ComfortZone easy watching.

Thank you for being here and being part of this community network.

If you would like to show your support, please consider subscribing for £6 a month or £50 a year.

Please Remember to ‘❤️’ LIKE the article to guide others to these resources

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Thank you!

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When you’re too tired to think what are your goto music/songs/films? Let us know in the comments.

Hello, dear friends. Thank you for spending some of your precious time and energy here with me.

You can find this article together with other ‘Watchlist Recommendations’ in the ComfortZone section of the Carer Mentor website (aka desktop web version of this publication)

Inspired by the comments exchanged between the lovely and myself in her article Obvi Issues: Dementia Caregiver Self-Care Coping in the Betwixt Using Both/And Thinking, I thought we could share some of our music mojo.

My share with Anna:

I hear you, Anna! Both things/statements can be true, AND we can also give ourselves the grace that even the small actions are BIG care-for-ourselves things.

I'm really bad right now doing my exercise (morning appointments etc etc.) AND I need to get the sheets changed. So these are the weeks I dance around the bed doing sheets, to my change-the-sheets playlist...just trying (when not too tired) to get creative to do the 'AND', and not pile on separate to-dos onto myself.... I need the music encouragement, though!

Here’s my ‘Sheets’ Playlist:

Here’s Anna’s ‘Walks’ Playlist

A Pro Tip:

In Spotify you can search by speed For example:

• 125 bpm (beats per minute) is a fast walk on the treadmill for me.

• 110-125 bpm is a strut-attitude walk outside. Meditative movement.

• 100-110 bpm is a slower walk, more reflective thinking.

Everyone walks (or dances around the kitchen) at a different speed!

So have some fun finding the music-speeds that work for you.

There are lots of bpm based playlists to help you with your mojo!

Care to share the playlist that gets you through the day?

• the soundtrack to your walk

• your washing dishes or cooking music

• classical music soother (I have lots)

• the attitude or rager mix (think…Demi Lovato’s ‘Sorry not Sorry’)

When we’re at a loss for words, music can release us and transport the stress.

If you found something that resonated, useful information, or a new connection and would like to show your support, please consider becoming a subscriber for £6 a month or £50 a year.

Please Remember to ‘❤️’ LIKE the article to guide others to these resources.

Thank you!

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Dear Friends, I appreciate you being here. I’m Victoria (She/her/hers). I cared for my Dad through to his passing (the hellish dark days with grains of joy), and now I look after Mum (calmer waters, with moments of joy and several giggles). You can read more about why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?’

This is the third Watchlist article within the ComfortZone section of the Carer Mentor Website.

The Website offers easy navigation of all the articles. I recommend viewing the website in that desktop version to navigate the various indexes and interlinked articles. There’s a wealth of resources and articles for you to browse.

You can read more about why I started the ComfortZone section here

I’m building the Carer Mentor Website to be our dynamic Go-To Resource.

When you have limited energy and time, I hope this space can offer you heartfelt empathy, a hub of practical tools, resources, experts' insights, and a portal of hope and a community network.

Comfort and lifting each other’s spirits are part of heartfelt empathy. Enjoy.

Have Fun, Get Smarter, Help End Hunger…and distract your brain!

‘Free Rice’ is a fun gamification of learning for charity.

Have you heard of Free Rice an initiative by The World Food Program? You can learn something new while earning rice grains for those in need.

The United Nations World Food Programme won the 2020 Nobel Peace Prize.

Watch the video by the chair of the Nobel Committee here.

The UN World Food Programme (WFP), which provides lifesaving food assistance to millions across the world – often in extremely dangerous and hard-to-access conditions – has been awarded the 2020 Nobel Peace Prize.

The agency was recognized “for its efforts to combat hunger, for its contribution to bettering conditions for peace in conflict-affected areas and for acting as a driving force to prevent the use of hunger as a weapon of war and conflict”, said Berit Reiss-Andersen, chair of the Norwegian Nobel Committee.

Do you feel like playing to earn rice grains for people who are hungry?

1. Create an account

2. Join the iCARE group. Click ‘Groups’ on the top-left, drop down, menu and enter the group code below. I’ve started a new group so we can share the challenge and compete with other groups!

3. Group code: XSUWFQPM

4. Choose a category and start playing. If you’ve signed up let me know your game-name in the comments below. Mine is Carer Mentor.

I play the Art game to learn, and the French language one to accumulate rice grains.

When we were caring for Dad I played a LOT of ‘Candycrush’ while I watched over him. Sound familiar? With Free Rice I can play, learn AND donate to charity.

There are several new ‘Free Rice’ categories compared to when I first joined. For example take a look at the ‘Ambassadors for change’ category. I’m learning through the repetitive multi-choice questions.

Music

Curating this little list lifted my heart. Sometimes all I need is a heartfelt song.

I hope these music videos offer some comfort and bright rays in your day. I saved the best one to last - feel the chills with Cynthia Erivo.

Jacob Collier - Witness Me (feat. Shawn Mendes, Stormzy & Kirk Franklin) [Official Music Video]

Jacob is becoming one of my ‘on-repeat’ artists right now. I recommend watching the video all the way to the end to see the rehearsals.

Jacob Collier & Chris Martin - Fix You (Live from the O2 Arena)

On December 9th, 2024, Chris joined Jacob on stage during his final World Tour stop at the O2 Arena in London, to perform a one-of-a-kind live rendition of 'Fix You' alongside an Audience Choir of 15,000.

I LOVE the audience participation that Jacob orchestrates!

Make You Feel My Love (Bob Dylan) - Equinox - A Cappella Academy

You can learn more about the A Capella Academy here

The Climb (Miley Cyrus) - Golden Hour - A Cappella Academy

Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You (Orchestral) (Official Video - Netflix’s Queen Charlotte Series)

How beautiful is this set and the costumes! This is one of my favourite Alicia Key’s songs

"Stand Up" - Official Lyric Video - Performed by Cynthia Erivo

From the motion picture HARRIET, the Original Song "STAND UP" is written by Joshuah Brian Campbell & Cynthia Erivo. Released on November 1st 2019.

One word - Chills!

There is something so beautiful about harmonies, community and being seen, truly seen by each other.

Comfort can be found in community. I see you and appreciate you.

No big messages or advice today - I’m busy preparing for a couple of days away.

Take care xoxo

Thank you for being here and being part of this community network.

If you would like to show your support, please consider subscribing for £6 a month or £50 a year.

Please Remember to ‘❤️’ LIKE the article to guide others to these resources

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Thank you!

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Today’s article offers playful distraction and some uplifting music. What little/big thing has brought you comfort this week? Let us know in the comments.

The first Watchlist (December 2024) had TV, film, and streaming recommendations. You’ll find it in the Carer Mentor ‘ComfortZone.’

The first article shares some insights about my watchlist criteria.

Films

Two films, ‘The Bank of Dave’ and ‘The Bank of Dave 2: The Loan Ranger’ (Netflix UK)

Anyone who’s watched The Diplomat with Kerri Russell may recognise the lead actor in the Bank of Dave—Rory Kinnear. He plays the Prime Minister in the Diplomat.

I light-bulbed a few minutes into the first Bank of Dave film, which I only saw recently despite its release in 2023. In a way, this added another layer to the Bank of Dave story.

In my mind, I’d kept him tagged as the upper-class, egotistical, shouty Prime Minister character, and here he was as a humble Lancashire, a salt-of-the-earth character who generously ‘looks out for the ordinary folk of Burnley’.

The first series of The Diplomat was also released in 2023. I have no idea about production dates, but I appreciate this actor's agility in inhabiting polar opposite characters.

So perhaps it’s best to watch the two seasons of ‘The Diplomat’ and then the two ‘Bank of Dave’ films. Then, like me, you’ll get an added ‘hero journey’ kick out of the films.

By the way, Rory Kinnear is the son of Roy Kinnear, who played Henry Salt, father of the spoilt Veruca Salt, in the 1971 version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Podcasts

The Wise Unknown. Host Courtney E Martin. Producer Golda Arthur.

There are seven interviews, an intro-episode and a wrap up episode.

This is my favourite episode so far, not just because it’s Ai jen Poo1 but also because Joyce Johnson is the personification of grace and wisdom.

Some of the country’s most revered actors, activists, authors, and spiritual guides introduce listeners to the “wisest person no one has ever heard of” who they credit with being critical to their success in life. Host Courtney E. Martin–think Krista Tippett meets Studs Terkel–then elicits the life lessons, palpable delights, and funny stories of these refreshingly unrefined, unknown gurus.

Shankar Vedantam’s Podcast My Unsung Hero (<3 minutes each)

This is part of the Hidden Brain show2

The daily news can fill us with despair. My Unsung Hero is an antidote to that despair. Each episode reveals what the news ignores: everyday acts of kindness and courage that transformed someone’s life. Listen — and renew your faith in humanity.

Playlists/Albums I’m listening to

1. A Tranquil World by Spotify

2. Indian Chill by Spotify

3. Japanese Garden by Spotify

YouTube Videos

Mahogany Sessions: A music distribution channel that amplifies the work of talented artists. I highly recommend exploring their videos. Just listen to these artists! Wow.

Jan 9, 2025 #mahoganysessions #irishmusic #mahogany

“Annika Kilkenny delivers a stunning performance of "It's Shaped You", captured in the serene woodlands of Ireland. Growing up in County Kilkenny in a musical family, Annika has always been surrounded by the beauty of sound and storytelling. Inspired by artists like Lizzy McAlpine and Laufey, her songs weave tales of self-acceptance and personal growth, creating a warm and resonant atmosphere that feels like home. This session is a glimpse into her artistry and a reminder of why she’s one to watch.” - Mahogany Sessions.

Jan 16, 2025 #mahoganysessions #soulfulmusic #singersongwriter

Billianne shares a heartfelt performance of her original song “Crush,” filmed on a crisp autumn day in Shoreditch among the falling leaves. A 21-year-old singer-songwriter from Milton, Ontario, Billianne first captivated audiences with her viral cover of Tina Turner’s “The Best,” which swept across TikTok and amassed millions of streams. Since then, she’s carved out her own space in the industry with her authentic, timeless voice and intelligent songwriting, earning over 65 million global streams, a loyal following, and praise from legends like Taylor Swift and The Lumineers. With a voice that feels both timeless and intimate, Billianne’s songs reflect her search for authenticity and connection and explore themes of nostalgia, family, and home. - Mahogany Sessions.

Thank you for being here and being part of this community network.

If you would like to show your support, please consider subscribing for £6 a month or £50 a year.

Please Remember to ‘❤️’ LIKE the article to guide others to these resources

Your support is greatly appreciated and helps validate my time and effort.

Thank you!

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Christmas and New Year can be difficult for caregivers and their loved ones. Sometimes, old musical films and songs can spark warm memories and nostalgia.

🎶 What musical film brings back memories and connects you with your parents/relatives/family and friends?

My friends and have shared some of their thoughts.

Leave a comment

Here are some of my favourites…’remember when’

I hope these will offer musical prompts to share more memories and songs with your loved ones.

[includes Wikipedia notes and Spotify playlist links]

Meet Me in St Louis (Film 1944)

Buy/Rent on Amazon, Apple, Google Play

• 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas' written by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane. Directed by Vincente Minnelli

Garland, unhappy with the script and unsure of herself as a leading lady, also suffered severe emotional problems, an acute addiction to amphetamines and numerous physical ailments such as recurring migraine headaches. Production reports show that she disrupted the schedule with fits of hysteria, habitual lateness and occasional absences, missing an entire week of shooting because of what she claimed to be an ear infection. Garland also balked at Minnelli's heavy schedule of rehearsals and prerecording sessions in the months preceding filming, but Minnelli won her confidence and the two became lovers, cohabiting by the time of the film's post-production and marrying soon after its release'

Vincente Minnelli married Garland in 1944r, and their daughter Liza was born in 1946. He subsequently directed Garland in The Clock (1945), Ziegfeld Follies (1945) and The Pirate (1948). He divorced Garland in 1951.

Throughout the 1950s, Minnelli directed numerous comedies, dramas and musicals, including Father of the Bride (1950), An American in Paris (1951), The Bad and the Beautiful (1952), Lust for Life (1956) and Gigi (1958). An American in Paris and Gigi respectively both won the Academy Award for Best Picture, with Minnelli winning the Best Director for the latter film. For over 26 years, Minnelli became the longest-tenured film director for MGM.

• Gigi - Leslie Caron Maurice Chevallier, Louis Jourdan Buy/Rent on Amazon, Google Play

• An American in Paris - Music by George Gershwin and Ira Gershwin. Gene Kelly is the lead actor Buy/Rent on Amazon, Apple, Google Play, YouTube, Sky store

On Moonlight Bay is a 1951 American musical film starring Doris Day and Gordon MacRae, and directed by Roy Del Ruth, which tells the story of the Winfield family at the turn of the 20th century. The movie is based loosely on the Penrod stories by Booth Tarkington.^[3] The sequel By the Light of the Silvery Moon was made in 1953. Available on Apple.

Rodgers and Hammerstein

Buy/Rent on Amazon, Apple, Google Play, YouTube. This is a YouTube site for fans of Rodgers and Hammerstein. The hyperlinks

Oklahoma (Film 1955) July 2023 Hugh Jackman starred in Oklahoma the film, celebrating the 80th anniversary of the show.

Carousel (Film 1956)

South Pacific (Film 1958)

The King and I (Film 1956) Deborah Kerr plays Anna Leonowens and Yul Brynner the King of Siam. It’s worth noting that Marni Nixon dubbed the singing voice of Anna, and Rita Moreno played Tuptim—she is one of the few actors to have been awarded an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony (EGOT), she played Anita in West Side Story.

The Sound of Music (Film 1965)

West Side Story (Film 1961)

Available to watch on Amazon, Google Play, Apple

West Side Story is a 1961 American musical romantic drama film directed by Robert Wise and Jerome Robbins, written by Ernest Lehman, and produced by Wise. The film is an adaptation of the 1957 Broadway musical of the same title, which in turn was inspired by Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet. It stars Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, Russ Tamblyn, Rita Moreno, and George Chakiris and was photographed by Daniel L. Fapp in Super Panavision 70. The music was composed by Leonard Bernstein, with lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.

The Slipper and The Rose Available on Amazon or Apple

The Slipper and the Rose: The Story of Cinderella is a 1976 British musical retelling the classic fairy tale of Cinderella. The film was chosen as the Royal Command Performance motion picture selection for 1976.

Lead actors Richard Chamberlain and Gemma Craven. The Fairy Godmother is played by Annette Crosbie. The Wicked Stepmother is played by Margaret Lockwood.

The Wizard of Oz (Film 1939)

The music was composed by Harold Arlen and adapted by Herbert Stothart, with lyrics by Edgar "Yip" Harburg. You can watch this on on Amazon, Apple, Google Play, YouTube, Sky store. This is the link to the album of music in Spotify.

I was trying to explain ‘Wicked’ to a friend who knew nothing about it. We may set up a virtual movie time with the Wizard of Oz and then Wicked!

Here’s a short Wikipedia summary of ‘Wicked’ beware of spoilers if you’re waiting for the new film’s part 2 on November 21, 2025!

Wiki of Wicked

Wicked is a musical with music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz and a book by Winnie Holzman. It is a loose adaptation of the 1995 Gregory Maguire novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, which in turn is based on L. Frank Baum's 1900 novel The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and its 1939 film adaptation. The musical is told from the perspective of two witches, Elphaba1 and Galinda, before and after Dorothy's arrival in Oz. The story explores the complex friendship between Elphaba (who becomes the Wicked Witch of the West) and Galinda (who becomes Glinda the Good). Their relationship is tested by their contrasting personalities, conflicting viewpoints, shared love interest, reactions to the corrupt rule of the Wonderful Wizard, and ultimately, Elphaba's tragic fall.

Here’s a review of the recently released film by

"Wicked" is Splendorific. For even the most vocal of musical movie skeptics, this immersive world-building cinematic coup will woo.

🎶 What musical film brings back memories and connects you with your parents/relatives/family and friends?

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‘On-demand’ streaming has given me control over when and how I watch TV series and films. On these calmer days, I can watch a movie or concert in the evening, stopping and starting as needed.

I can’t remember watching many movies or series in the dark days. We tried to have movie afternoons, but we, especially Dad, quickly lost the plot. There was no time to get into storylines. My mind was in hypervigilance mode, watching over Dad, anticipating his needs.

My three ‘mind-release aids' during those challenging, full-on days of caring were meditative games like Candy Crush and Candy Crush Friends, reading books using the Kindle app, and 20-minute walks with a Spotify playlist!

Now, I curate watchlists for Mum, and she’s become quite the Netflix expert!

I prefer films/series with substance and solid storylines that explore our humanity, but blockbusters for brain-free watching are good, too.

I avoid overly violent dystopian films and images/sequences. We’ve had enough grim, traumatic events that unwittingly get replayed enough as it is.

Online streaming is a crucial source of entertainment for both Mum and me. Netflix, in particular, is great because I can watch films/series in French— I miss speaking and hearing it— and Mum gets to watch her period Chinese dramas where the costumes and headdresses are amazing.

I have included some of my recommendations below.

P.S. As part of the ‘For Caregivers’ section of iCARE Stack, I’m curating a ComfortZone, a Reference for Caregivers seeking something to change their mood or mindset. This article will be housed there. Watch out for new articles like this.

P.P.S. Check out the Kerri Russell article by , who writes . I appreciate the way she gives us more context about the actors—their background and previous work. Plus, we have similar TV and films preferences. Here’s a quote from her About page

I’m a film and TV analyst and pop culture critic. I’ve written on culture for PopMatters, Valleywag (part of Gawker media), The Boston Globe, and The Jerusalem Post. I gravitate to TV and films that center around relationships, drama, mysteries, and comedy - the stuff of life. It’s eclectic, but somehow all comes together.

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Movies Under Two Hours - because our time is limited.

1. Out of my Mind (2024) Disney+ (1h 50m)

It is a feel-good, heart-wrenching dramedy about a young girl with gumption, cerebral palsy and a badass family and neighbour. Inspiration.

2. Dumplin (2018) Netflix (1h 50m)

Jennifer Aniston and Danielle Macdonald. Anniston is a former teen beauty queen. This is a hidden gem! Guts, attitude, and some Dolly Parton make this sparkle.

Willowdean Dickson grows up in a small Texas town, raised primarily by her Aunt Lucy. Her mother Rosie – who calls her "Dumplin’", much to Will’s chagrin – is a former beauty queen, too committed to various pageants to spend time with her daughter, and remains the planner of the town's annual Miss Teen Bluebonnet Pageant.

Lucy introduces Will to Ellen Driver, who becomes her best friend. Six months before they start their final year of high school, Lucy dies. Rosie finds difficulty connecting with Will, who often feels judged about her weight and is embarrassed by her mother's pageant world. (Wikipedia)

3. All Together Now (2020) Netflix (1h 33m)

A talented teen keeps a big secret—she’s homeless and living on a bus. This is painful to watch in a few places. Tissues required. Chloe Auliʻi Cravalho plays the lead,Amber Appleton. She played Moana in the Disney Film. She was discovered via a charity video contest! It sounds like someone needs to make a film about her.

4. A Dog’s Purpose (2017) Apple Store (1h 40 m)

It is a super-cute story about how a dog is reincarnated over five decades, hoping to reunite with its original owner.

5. A Dog’s Journey (2019) Apple Store (1h 48m)

In the sequel to A Dog’s Purpose, Bailey embarks on a lifelong quest to watch over his owner’s granddaughter.

6. Mrs Harris Goes to Paris (2022) Netflix (1h 55m)

Mrs Harris, a widowed housecleaner during the 1950s, is inspired when she sees a Christian Dior Gown. Lesley Manville is humbly magnificent in this heartfelt film.

Food and Travel Programmes - to inspire and dream

Presenters connect with different people worldwide through their love of food—humour, empathy, a little music, dance of delight, and connection.

1. Somebody Feed Phil Netflix. Duration approx. 40-50 minutes

   So far (2024), there are seven seasons of this series. Phil Rosenthal takes boyish delight in savouring food, which is fed to him by chefs in numerous locations he travels to. I loved the early episodes where he Skype-called his parents at the end of each episode—comedy runs in his family. Sadly, Phil’s parents died but he still likes to Skype call friends and ask them for a joke in memory of his father Max.

   One of my most memorable episodes is Season 2, Episode 1, Venice. The view from the restaurant's rooftop at the end of filming, where he had dinner with friends—A Canaletto!

2. Salt Fat Acid Heat (2018) Netflix Duration approx. 40-50 minutes.

   Samin Nosrat, chef and food writer, travels the world exploring how these four elements ‘can make or break a dish’. Her passion and joy for food are infectious.

3. Breakfast Lunch Dinner (2019) Netflix Duration approx. 40-50 minutes. 4 Episodes

   David Chang, (founder of Momofuku Noodle Bar) explores food as an expression of culture and identity with celebrities like Seth Rogan and Chrissy Teigen.

4. Ugly Delicious (2020) Netflix

   David Chang takes his friends on a cross-cultural food exploration.

5. Chef’s Table. Netflix. Seven volumes (seasons) explore Michelin-starred restaurants, acclaimed chefs and the culinary world they live in. It’s eye-opening, a little pretentious in places and startling in the plate-precision. But if you view it through the lens of how much passion, creativity, and invention goes on in these minds, perhaps, like me, you’ll feel inspired by the end of each episode!

   1. My favourite episode - Christina Tossi. Volume 4-Pastry, episode 1. This episode introduced me to David Chang and made me see Bodegas and Cornflake milk in a new light! If you like the Great British Bake Off, you’ll love this. Just don’t watch it when you’re hungry!

6. The food travel series that kickstarted this genre (in my opinion) is Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. 7 Seasons on Amazon Prime.

   While working in Moscow, I had a limited choice of TV channels, so I watched CD-DVD packs of CSI. But Anthony Bourdain was on CNN, interesting, funny and irreverent—he gave us Real human connection, with a VERY big R. (crickets and bugs, beware!)

   World-renowned chef, bestselling author, and Emmy-winning television personality Anthony Bourdain travels across the globe to uncover little-known areas of the world and celebrate diverse cultures by exploring food and dining rituals. Including some war-torn parts of the world - and meets with a variety of local citizens to offer a window into their lifestyles.

Documentaries - learning / behind the scenes/nature

1. Disney+ “Music By John Williams” (1h 46m)

2. David Attenborough (2023) “Our Planet” and “Our Planet 2” (Netflix) each episode is 50 minutes.

TV Series - reliable content-rich, substance per episode

I stop watching those dragged-out, slow thrillers with all the action in the last 20 minutes of the final episode.

1. “Death Comes to Pemberley.” (Netflix) Three episodes, each 59 minutes.

It is a period drama sequel to Pride and Prejudice starring Matthew Rhys and Matthew Goode. Richly executed exploration of human weakness, societal expectations, love and compassion. It's worth watching twice!

2. “Lost in Space” (Netflix) Three Seasons. Episodes approx. 60 minutes.

Yes, this is SciFi, a total overhaul of the original storyline. It is expertly acted and directed, and the scriptwriters and storyboarders must be congratulated.

I’m confessing now - I watch this every year for its feel-good factor. Numerous interwoven threads are being pulled in every episode, and it ALL neatly ties together, NOT just in the last 20 minutes of the final episode, but a gradual evolution of the family dynamics over each season.

3. “The Diplomat’ with Kerri Russell and Rufus Sewell. 2 Seasons

This series is SO good. Here’s Beth’s article:

Beth's TV & Film Recommendations

Keri Russell's Current Era is Spy / Diplomat

ZERO Spoilers in this drop…

Read more

a year ago · 28 likes · 36 comments · Beth Lisogorsky

French Series and Films

1. “Friendzone” - film, romantic comedy. Thibault gets a makeover by his girl-pals.

2. “The Hookup Plan” - a series, romantic comedy. Elsa, still infatuated by her ex, is ‘helped’ by her two best friends. One word - Jules. Hmmm I may need to watch this again!

3. “Call My Agent” - I prefer this original series to the English version. Comedy-drama of agents, their famous clients and relationships after the head of the agency dies.

4. ‘Lupin’. The first season was the best. Slick, brilliant and cleverly done.

5. La Famille Béllier. THIS film is a gem, and I was sad and disappointed that the original French film did not get an award, but the American movie CODA received numerous international awards. Perhaps I loved it more because I’m so francophile. It works SO well in French.

6. Untouchables. Omar Sy (who also plays the lead in Lupin) is the star of this film.

YouTube - music, documentaries, and artist discoveries.

Christmas Concerts

1. Michael Buble Home for Christmas Special 2011 Full Show

2. Josh Groban His First Ever Holiday Concert - Livestream - December 19th, 2020

Does anyone remember that first episode of Ally Macbeal where Josh Groban materialised? Ally McBeal - Ally at the Graduation - KC and the Sunshine Band - I'm Your Boogeyman

Actors: Tom Berenger and Josh Groban and Calista Flockhart

Pop Music

1. NPR Music Channel For Tiny Desk Concerts

• Sting And Shaggy (July 17, 2019)

• Alicia Keys (June 22, 2020)

• Adele (February 14, 2011)

2. RAYE - Worth It (Royal Albert Hall, November 10, 2023)

3. Ed Sheeran (November 20, 2018) The Full show by Magic Radi

4. Cold Play A Sky Full of Stars (April 3, 2023) Live at River Plate

5. Bruno Mars 24K Magic Concert (Dec 21, 2021) Live at the Apollo Theatre. The full show

Folk Music

1. Joni Mitchell – Both Sides Now (Live at the Newport Folk Festival 2022) [Official Video]

   Joni Mitchell stunned the Newport Folk Festival audience last summer when she gave a surprise performance – her first in 20 years – delivering a heartfelt set in partnership with Brandi Carlile and a remarkable cast of musicians and friends that formed The Joni Jam. Her triumphant return to the stage on July 24, 2022, will be featured on a new live album, AT NEWPORT. Available on July 28, 2023 and produced by Brandi Carlile & Joni,

Powerful performances - wickedly good ;-)

1. Cynthia Erivo's powerhouse performance of 'Nothing Compares 2 U' | Next at the Kennedy Center(Jan 5, 2024) Through a powerhouse performance of Prince’s chart-topping hit, "Nothing Compares 2 U," Cynthia Erivo enters the New Year in unforgettable style. Filling every note with soul, Erivo shares her heart with the audience through this timeless tale of love

2. Cynthia Erivo Performs "When You Believe" | 2024 National Memorial Day Concert Tony, Emmy, and Grammy winner and two-time Oscar nominee Cynthia Erivo performs "When You Believe" in tribute to our wounded, ill & injured veterans, at PBS

3. Cynthia Erivo and Joaquina Kalukango Sing 'Killing Me Softly' | Next at the Kennedy Center

   "The Color Purple" co-stars Cynthia Erivo and Joaquina Kalukango perform the Hip Hop Trio Fugees’ funky rendition of "Killing Me Softly." The global hit steeped in unrequited love is told by two friends, whose friendship can be felt through the screen. PBS

4. Cynthia Erivo Performs "I'm Here" From "The Color Purple" | (April 4, 2017) MAKERS Conference

   Everyone needs to hear the messages of this song.

   Tony-winning actress Cynthia Erivo performs “I’m Here” from the Broadway musical “The Color Purple” at the 2017 MAKERS Conference in Rancho Palos Verdes, Calif.

Classical Music - concerts

1. Hauser Classical Gala Concert with the Royal Philharmonic Concert, Conductor Robert Ziegler, Caroline Campbell, violin Aida Garifullina, soprano Lara Fabian, singer. LIVE at the Royal Albert Hall, London, (May 2024)

2. 2CELLOS Luka Sulic and Stjepan Hauser performing their favourite classical pieces with the Zagreb Soloists at their classical "Back to the Roots" concert at the Lisinski Concert Hall in Zagreb, June 2015.

3. Luciano Pavarotti sings "Nessun dorma" from Turandot (The Three Tenors in Concert 1994).

   Playlist on YouTube

   Renowned Italian tenor Pavarotti (1935–2007) sings the aria from the final act of Puccini's opera Turandot, live in concert with The Three Tenors in Los Angeles in 1994. Watch the full performance, newly available in digital video: https://w.lnk.to/The3TenorsLY. (Warner Classics)

4. Deutsche Grammophon (DG) on YouTube. Here is the Website. There is a wealth of music concerts on YouTube.

   Recording great performances of classical music in the best audio quality has been Deutsche Grammophon's mission since it was founded in 1898. The list of artists who have collaborated with the label reads like a roll call of the greatest musicians of the past 100 years: Abbado, Argerich, Barenboim, Bernstein, Boulez, Domingo, Dudamel, Gilels, Horowitz, Karajan, Kleiber, Mutter, Netrebko, Salonen, Zimerman, and so on. Discover legendary recordings from past and present. Whether it’s works for opera, orchestra, piano or violin, indulge in the variety of classical music on our Youtube channel and enjoy repertoire by Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Chopin, Wagner, Tchaikovsky, and many more.

   1. Top Videos of Deutsche Grammaphon

   2. John Williams & Vienna Philharmonic – Williams: Theme from “Jurassic Park” (July 1, 2020)

   3. John Williams & Wiener Philharmoniker – "Main Title" from "Star Wars: A New Hope" (Oct 2, 2020)

5. Hans Zimmer Live 2023 Prague FULL CONCERT. Available to rent/buy on Amazon. On May 7th 2016, Hans Zimmer's critically acclaimed European Tour arrived at the O2 Arena, Prague, in the Czech Republic.

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Thank you!

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I’m Victoria (She/her/hers). You can read more about why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?’

These Podcast recommendations are part of the ‘ComfortZone’ section inspired after a busy, difficult October and November (read Creating a 'ComfortZone' and rekindling inspiration and hope.)

Two articles are already available to help you navigate through December:

• This Caregiver's Watchlist. 'Feel the feels', escape reality or be transported by music.

• Inspiration 'Ten Annual Review Questions.'

TIPS:

• I review Spotify and other podcast sources several times monthly and download a few episodes to keep my library primed.

• I choose podcasts on different topics and durations: up to 30 minutes, 1 hour, and over an hour.

• I mainly listen to episodes while exercising on the treadmill. However, my library is primed for hospital rooms, short walks, waiting rooms or making beds!

My main mood-switcher is music, but a podcast more forcefully directs my brain.

These podcasts counterbalance the ‘weight of the world’1 with insightful lived experiences that nourish my soul and rekindle my hope.

For our sanity, we need to discover how to navigate these mental stresses. What works and feels right for you? Music? Movement? Yoga?

Thinking can be its own heavy weight. So, don’t forget to move out of your head now and again.

I recommend bookmarking this article. The list of recommendations will grow!

Please Remember to ‘❤️’ LIKE the article to guide others to these resources

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The Directory

• Brené Brown’s ‘Unlocking Us‘

• On Being with Krista Tippett

• ‘Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel’

• ‘A Slight Change of Plans’ with Maya Shankar.

• Shankar Vedantam’s ‘Hidden Brain’

• Shankar Vedantam’s ‘My Unsung Hero’

• Courtney E Martin and Carvell Wallace host ‘How To’ Slate Podcasts

• ‘Meditative Story’

More over the following weeks…

One hour-plus episodes

• Dr Brené Brown: Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart (2 January 2020) (52 minutes)

• 'Burnout and how to complete the stress cycle. Emily and Amelia Nagoski' (October 14, 2020) (1h 3m) Dr. Brené Brown's 'Unlocking Us' podcast. This is the article I wrote in December 2023, containing notes and the podcast link. It helped me understand why my 20-60 minute treadmill exercise has been vital. Figuring out where and how to slot this in is tricky, but first thing in the morning works for me. Movement enabled me to step through the stress literally.

• A Slight Change of Plans (Apr 22 and 24, 2024) Maya Shankar. Spotify links: Life, Interrupted with Suleika Jaouad Part 1 and Part 2

• Befriending Your Inner Voice (July 1, 2024) (52m) Hidden Brain’s Shankar Vedantam interviews Ethan Kross, author of ‘Chatter the Voice in Our Head (and How To Harness It).’

  I shared this podcast in an article in May 2024: 'Moving your inner voices out.'

  You know that negative voice that goes round and round in your head, keeping you up at night? When that negative inner voice gets switched on, it’s hard to think about anything else. Psychologist Ethan Kross has a name for it: chatter. In this favorite conversation from 2022, we talk with Ethan about how to keep our negative emotions from morphing into chatter.

• Grief, Laughter, and Sisterhood: Losing Our Mom and Holding Onto Each Other (October 23, 2024)(53m) Dr. Brené Brown's 'Unlocking Us' podcast. I avoided this podcast, but having listened to it now, I recommend this to any Caregiver who relates to ‘this stuff’s just hard…hard.’ Three sisters (Brené is the eldest, and there’s a brother between her and the twins, her sisters) discuss their characters and how they felt about caring for their mother, who had dementia, and navigating caregiving. I’m recommending this because I guffawed twice, or three times, whilst I was on the treadmill. Laughter —a natural sign of resonance! Let me know if you did too!

Thirty-plus minute episodes

• ‘How to Care for and Ageing Parent’ Carvell Wallace interviews cohost Courtney E Martin, her brother Chris Martin and Dr Allison Applebaum. (Duration 50 minutes)

  Click here for my thoughts on the podcast

• Maya Shankar. A Slight Change of Plans Why It’s So Tough To Be Kind To Yourself (42 mins) Dr. Kristin Neff (Originally published 26 June 2023, Republished 25 November 2024)

  Show Notes on Spotify: Kristin Neff is a pyschologist and the author of ‘Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself’. Her pioneering research busts cultural myths about self compassion and shows it’s an effective motivational tool.

  Kristin talks with Maya about how to get past the idea that caring for ourselves is selfish and offers simple practices for being kinder to ourselves.

  Carer Mentor Article: Managing the Mental Load

• Esther Calling - Self Love Isn’t Something I Grew Up With. (25 September 2023) (40 minutes) For anyone who straddles two ethnicities or cultures. In a phone call, a South Asian lady (Pakistan-born who moved to the US as a child) discusses values, behaviours and expectations at work and in her new marriage.

  I appreciate Esther’s gentle non-judgmental approach, that helps her client reframe their thoughts/ideas. Esther artfully echoes back/summarises and seeks resonance, without imposing or directing the conversation.

  In case you missed it, here’s the article I wrote for The Asian Writers Collective: Asian Reads | Issue 05. A Personal Journey Through Asian Identity, Caregiving, and Cultural Belonging by myself and Tiffany Chu

Under thirty minute Episodes

• A story and meditation in one. Staying insightful, playful, and alert. (April 1 2024) (17m34s) This episode heightens senses to be more alert, discerning and to consider the moment of ‘reveal’ that culminates in an insight. Using April fools as a vehicle to reframe our thinking. An interesting and novel guided meditation on cultivating insights.

• Ben Gome’s Story My Unsung hero (Jan 30, 2024) 3m 44

  I love these little vignettes of hero-stories. They restore my faith in our ability to be there, for each other - strangers! - when it really counts. HOPE and INSPIRATION!❤️ I binge a few of these at a time! AND replay.

A few thoughts..

A few days of ‘podcast treadmill-ing’ is helping to shift the mental constipation of ‘gunky-yuck’ feelings.

Perhaps hearing lived experiences is making me feel more connected.

I’m not sure because I’m trying not to overanalyse it. It’s just a relief to feel more balanced, and in turn open-hearted.

Podcasts and Watchlist additions will continue over December.

Thank you for being here and being part of this community network.

If you would like to show your support, please consider subscribing for £6 a month or £50 a year.

Please Remember to ‘❤️’ LIKE the article to guide others to these resources

Your support is greatly appreciated and helps validate my time and effort.

Thank you!

Subscribe now

I’m Victoria (She/her/hers). You can read more about why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?’

Today’s article is part of the ComfortZone of Index: For The Caregiver, continuing to share recommendations of podcasts/shows to inspire and rekindle hope.

This ‘How To’ podcast episode piqued my interest because I subscribe to ’s publication, . Little did I realise, when I teed it up to play, how well it dovetails with This Caregiver’s ‘Lens of Hope’, article.

I resonated with Courtney and Chris’s experiences. Whether your parent/loved one suffers from advanced dementia or not, the questions and thoughts they share will be very familiar to caregivers.

For example, Chris shares how shifting his energy from caring for his father to his energetic kids can be difficult.

Caregiving requires us to shift gears and adapt to the changing needs of one person. Imagine what that is like in this ‘intergenerational’ sandwiched situation!

One of the key points they raise is to discuss your parents’ wishes as soon as possible. This includes opening discussions about house bills and finances to understand what needs to be managed and sustained and by whom.

In my experience, as an only child, Dad gave me long talks about ‘important documents’ and what to do when since I was a teenager. (Yes, he was very organised but also worried, given his health issues).

Conversely, recently, some friends have had to excavate passwords and documents from their parents' houses and play detective, contacting banks and organisations to understand their parents’ finances. Imagine doing this for two sets of parents.

In all circumstances, the discussions will feel uncomfortable and incomplete, but this is not a one-time event; circumstances will change, and discussions will evolve.

I suggest not approaching these discussions like a project management task. Instead, manage your expectations— starting the conversation is a good baby step.

Seeding thoughts to formalising their wishes can take time, so in my experience, it’s best to avoid piling pressure and expectations into one discussion. Some things may need to be pondered and considered.

When there are many feelings and room for misinterpretation, I’ve found that asking open-ended questions and letting them talk is the best approach early on. Then, build on those foundations with small check-point affirmations of understanding.

What’s your experience understanding your parent’s wishes and assuming more responsibility for their bills and finances?

As with everything I experience in caregiving, this makes me think of my plans and powers of attorney AND these days, I find my friends, and I dedicate more and more time to this topic!

Leave a comment

The podcast is rich in vulnerable insights, and there are many things I would’ve asked Dr Applebaum. So, I’ve added her book ‘Stand By Me: A Guide to Navigating Modern, Meaningful Caregiving’ to my reading list to gain more insights.

Do you have a book you recommend to others about caregiving?

FYI: Book tools for a Carer’s Journey is an article with ten books I recommend

Thank you to Courtney Martin and Carvell Wallace for a great podcast!

‘How To’ is a podcast show on Slate

About the show:

We all need advice, but sometimes it’s hard to know where to turn. Each week, Courtney Martin and Carvell Wallace bring a listener on to the show to solve their toughest problems with the help of world-class experts. It’s free therapy, and you’re invited.

How To Care for an Aging Parent

Courtney E Martin1 and her brother Chris Martin2, are interviewed by Courtney’s cohost, Carvell Wallace3

Dr. Allison J Applebaum, author of Stand By Me: A Guide to Navigating Modern, Meaningful Caregiving (Simon Element, 2024), on preparing for a loved one’s final years. Click here to learn more about the book.

Slate Platform link

Courtney and Chris share insights about their journey and how they are navigating the day-to-day realities of caregiving.

It’s inspiring to hear how they’ve chosen to care for their parents, orchestrating ‘intergenerational co-housing’, living close by, partnering, and walking this path with their families.

Chris dedicated time to move his parents to the new home, packing things and caring for his parents, and now their parents live with Courtney and her family, while Chris lives nearby. I can only slightly imagine, the effort, organisation and stress that was involved to make this happen. Wowser!

Dr Applebaum and Carvell bring their own caregiving experiences into the discussion. We can hear the empathy, resonance and practical tips. No lectures, just lots of humanity and connection.

So, I highly recommend listening, whether you are new to caregiving or a long timer like me.

Two quotes from the podcast

The introduction and the final words of Dr Applebaum. It’s a rich discussion that warrants dedicated listening time. I’ve kept the transcript for personal journal use.

Courtney Martin 01:24 Intro:

Dear ‘How to’, Me and my big brother Chris, have started taking care of our dad, who has pretty advanced dementia alongside our mom. We've been close our whole lives, which is really helping in this moment of such heightened emotions and logistical challenges. We also have super supportive partners, which we know is rare and lucky and the financial resources not to be freaked out about the future. But even with all that support and privilege, it's not easy. I'm living with my parents, so while the proximity makes care taking easier, it also means my nervous system sort of never has a chance to rest fully. How can I take care of my parents and live alongside them while learning how to turn off the vigilance

Dr Allison Applebaum 46:31

I think you're bringing up the inherent nature that the one commonality that we all experience as family caregivers, whoever we're taking care of, whatever their illness is, whatever their prognosis is, is the fact that we are tasked with sitting with uncertainty. We cannot fix that. It's a hard, hard pill to swallow, and yet you are doing it. And I think it's, you know, the zoom in lens is like, this is chaotic, and it's so complicated, and I'm overwhelmed and I'm frazzled and I feel like I'm sinking and drowning. But the zoom out lens is that you are putting one foot in front of the other, that you are developing new strengths. You are developing without knowing it necessarily or realising it, the capacity to live more mindfully and fully in the present. That's one of the gifts Your dad is giving you. He's giving you this opportunity to strengthen that capacity to sit with uncertainty, to live in the present.

If you liked the podcast, check out Courtney’s Publication, here are a couple of her articles that struck chords with me.

• Anyone Seen my Toothbrush

• A Care Bear stare of a community. threatened to close in a time when we need these little models of humanity more than ever

A small last word

I like to make these recommendations because each of our experiences is unique. Someone, somewhere will have a jigsaw piece that fits your picture. If not, the faint outlines, threads or notes of feeling will tug you closer in empathy, so you’ll feel less alone.

Resonance is a powerful normaliser, empathy is a beautiful connector.

I’m mindful of our capacity to connect and the depth of resonance we can feel in our common humanity.

Perhaps, if we can open ourselves up enough to sit with the pain / struggles of others, this resonance can help us be more compassionate with ourselves, as we navigate our own challenges.

Please Remember to ‘❤️’ LIKE the article to guide others to these resources.

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I’m Victoria (She/her/hers). You can read more about why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?’1

The context for this article

This article is part of the ‘ComfortZone’ section inspired by a busy, difficult October and November (read Creating a 'ComfortZone' and rekindling inspiration and hope.)

Three articles are already available to help you navigate through December.2

• This Caregiver's Podcast Recommendations. To curiously explore, reframe, inspire and rekindle hope

• This Caregiver's Watchlist. 'Feel the feels', escape reality or be transported by music.

• Inspiration 'Ten Annual Review Questions.'

The premise for the poem

Caregivers experience the full seismic amplitude of emotions in very short periods of time. The experience of time is felt very differently when you’re caring for someone. Time warps, and ‘just a step to the left’ …we do the TIME-warp, again and again.

In 2019, when my Dad’s health decline accelerated, darkness became more dense. Sparks of joy were infrequent, but I thirstily absorbed their impact amidst those dark times of pain, grief, and sadness. Being open to suffering is counterintuitive, but if I hadn’t felt the messiness of suffering, I couldn’t have seen or felt the paradoxical middle or other end of those amplified feelings.

I’m not suggesting we try to ‘find the joy or silver linings’ (ugh, toxic positivity alert). I wasn’t expecting joy, but joy found me when everything felt hope-less and black.

How can I be open to these sparks and glimmers or feel light when there’s anticipatory grief and heaviness? The poem in Creating a 'Comfort zone' and rekindling inspiration and Hope over the last few days felt wishful and somewhat out of reach. 3

Conscious of, and intimately aware of, our loved one’s mortality and death, we dance with thoughts that may seem devoid of hope, full of uncertainty and often brimming with grief-rage.

Sitting in the ‘in-between’ sucks. It’s also a place caregivers, especially eldercarers have to settle into or find some reconciliation of being within it.

I don’t want to wish, hope or jump to the ‘afterwards’. Unlike caregiving for children when we can watch them hope-fully grow, there is a finality to eldercare that doesn’t equate to a ‘hope-full’ goal.4

So, as I continue to try to help my friends, I’m using podcasts, music and journalling to spark some inspiration and ‘aha’ moments. To bring ‘hope’ closer to my reality. I want to reframe hope into something that is meaning-full and can help me be hope-full— to enrich my outlook on life; This caregiver’s hopeful lens.

In this space where we can’t ‘control’ or predict, we can reclaim some agency in our attitude, how we hold space with others, and how we show up for ourselves.

In this instance, treadmill movement isn’t enough to process emotions. Creating more insights and patterns, connecting dots in my frame of reference, could kaleidoscope the dark to light.

Caveat: Each person’s lens differs, like emotions forged through personal experience. Perhaps something will resonate here, perhaps not. Here’s my frame of hope for December 2024.

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Reframing Hope by Victoria

Hope that I can move and navigate my way forward while carrying fear
That suffering will not paralyse me or stop me.

Hope that I can still be curious and mindfully present to recognise the tiny sparks of inspiration when they appear
That I’m not blinded by focusing on the future, trying to fast-forward time, wishing it or wasting it away and missing the meaningful moments of learning and growth.

Hope that even when I’m in pain, hurting, or my heart's breaking, I can hold pain loosely enough to let in the light
That I’m not hunkering down, tight as a ball, shielding myself so much that I block out the light.

Hope that I can be soft enough to feel it all, brave enough to continue and open enough to sit in empathy
That I’m not dismissing, imposing my thoughts or trying to protect myself from the pain prophylactically— not fully connecting with the world and people around me.

Hope that I can set healthy boundaries AND stay curiously open, soft-fronted, and wild-hearted with a strong (armoured, if necessary) back.
I can ‘swim within this sea of uncertainty’ and connect with others in our pain. 
Waste less energy struggling
Thrive with the life that’s here
Meaning-FULL not skating
Nor berating myself, 
No guilt

Hope that engaging fully, vulnerably thriving in this here and now
curates meaningful memories and moments 
with loved ones and the world as it is, 
Not how I wish it were
to nourish and sustain me moving into the future

Sending some hope and hugs.

Let me know how you define hope for yourself, or share your thoughts on these podcast episodes. Take care.

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References:

These are the key podcasts that inspired this poem, alongside journal entries:

1. Victoria’s journal quotes:

‘The worst of times has moulded my definition of hope, walking through the fire, shaped my thinking.’

‘Time is my most precious commodity, that I can’t waste, spend or offer need-less-ly or without thought.’

‘I’m not trying to create a hero narrative to recount later. I want to thrive in the liminal moments and live within the tiny boring of today. I don’t need big or swanky events, applause or external validation to feel what I know is right and good inside.’

2. Podcast: On Being with Krista Tippett.

(Krista Tippett5) Brené Brown: Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart (2 January 2020)

Discussing Brené’s book Braving the Wilderness The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

Brené on talking about our fears [Timestamp 22:06]

Now you hold fear in front of you, and you say, We're fearful. We're in so much uncertainty, there's so much change at such a rapid rate. If you hold fear in front of you, it doesn't dictate your behavior. But I think because we've lost our capacity for pain and discomfort, we have transformed that pain into hatred and blame. It's like it's so much easier for people to cause pain than it is for them to feel their own pain, right?

Brené talking about putting ‘civility’ into actions [Timestamp 26.08]

So I really wrestled with that as I started looking and doing a research review and trying to understand what civility was. I mean, I came across this definition from a nonprofit based in Houston, the Institute for civility and government, that civility is claiming and caring for one's identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else's in the process. I mean, it goes on for another like 10 lines, but if we could just get that part, I think we'd have it nailed so claiming and caring for my identity and my needs and my beliefs without degrading yours.

Krista and Brené discussing strong back, soft front, wild heart [Timestamp 26:50]

Krista: ..the third leg of these, these four elements of belonging, strong, back, soft, front, wild, heart kind of starts to get at what that looks like.

Brené: Yeah, I mean, I think that to me, I first heard that the saying strong backs soft front from Joan Halifax, who's a Buddhist teacher, and it spoke to me at the time, and I thought, I don't know what that is, but it sounds, of course, paradoxical, and I don't like it because it sounds hard. I'd rather have a strong front and a strong back and a strong everything. Our deepest human need is to be seen by other people, to really be seen and known by someone else. And if we're so armored up, and we walk through the world with an armored front, we can't be seen. And so I think when you go back to speaking truth to BS and being civil, it requires that strong back, but it requires that soft front.

3. Podcast: A Slight Change of Plans6 (Apr 24, 2024) Maya Shankar.

Spotify links: Life, Interrupted with Suleika Jaouad Part 1 and Part 2

Suleika Jaouad was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia when she was 22 years old. In this special two-part conversation, she talks with Maya about why she sees survival as a creative act, the problem with narratives that frame illness as a "hero’s journey," and the messy space that exists between illness and wellness.

Not a Hero Journey Narrative Suleika [Timestamp Part 1 22:27]:

I began to read every narrative that I could get my hands on but so many of them were beautifully written and wrenching and you know profound didn't speak to me because more often than not, they were written from the perspective of someone who had survived and I started to notice that there was this kind of Heroes Journey Arc to illness narratives where you return from the thing that nearly killed you better and braver and stronger for what you've been through and that couldn't have applied less to me.

I was terrified I was struggling I was isolated and I wanted to put all of that into ink and so what I began to do was to write about the very things that felt impossible to talk about I wrote about the infertility caused by my cancer treatments I wrote about the experience of falling in love of while falling sick I wrote about the in betweenness of young adulthood I wrote about navigating our healthcare system

Part 2 Talking about Quinton Jones [Timestamp 7 minutes]:

a reminder again of that idea of survival being its own kind of creative act but also how profoundly resilient and tenacious the human Spirit can be.

Discussing her relapse [Timestamp 17:35]:

I also don't think suffering in and of itself serves a higher purpose but I do think that suffering brings you down to your most Primal self. It heightens all of the worst things and all of the most important things and I think that's useful information and I think you know part of the work for me has been stepping outside of my own story of suffering and when I do that when I can you know Step Beyond Myself and listen to someone else's story really listen to it I feel and learn again and again that we're more alike than we are different.

‘The endless work to swim in that ocean of uncertainty’ [Timestamp 18:47]:

Unlike the first time around there's no cure in sight for me I will be in treatment some form of treatment for the rest of my life however long or short that may be and so I've had to make it my work. It's sort of my endless work to swim in that ocean of uncertainty and I'm you know in a more heightened and between place than maybe ever before

‘Living each day as if it were my first’ Timestamp 19:59:

Now I've had to shift to a different head space and the way that I found my sea legs within that uncertainty is not in the grand gestures it's not in you know wringing as much as I can out of life. It's trying to live every day as if it's my first to wake up with a sense of wonder and playfulness and curiosity that a newborn baby might and so every day I wake up afraid but I have to find that tiny little thing that makes me curious that tiny little joy that makes me smile and and when I do that, it's like exercising a muscle and so that's what I'm doing and that's more than enough

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I’m Victoria (She/her/hers). You can read more about why I’m publishing Carer Mentor here: Who Started Carer Mentor and Why?’

Last Month

The November Carer Mentor article series, ‘For the Caregiver’ (click here), coincided with National Family Caregiver Month in the US and Carers Rights Day on November 21st, as well as the UK Autumn Budget and, of course, the US Election.

I don’t think anyone is blind to the sadness, fear, worry and uncertainty around us. At the same time, our hearts and minds are exhausted as this year comes to a close.

My Today

In my small mentoring business, clients face new company reorganisations, are trying to find more fulfilling jobs or are trying to avoid burnout—all after a full rollercoaster year.

Closer to home and heart, very close friends are struggling with cancer treatment.

On the other hand, I’m counting the blessings Mum and I have. I’m SO thankful for our calmer days after COVID+pneumonia.

There’s frustration, pain, and gratitude. I’m straddling the tension between all these emotions—not wanting to betray the pain with the relief of gratitude, wanting to help friends but knowing how fraught caregiving is… wanting to do much more than I can, running on the spot and not going anywhere.

This is when I know I need to pause, replenish my empathy, and feed my soul to continue caring for and supporting my friends and clients.

I’ve been here before. For me, this isn’t about stopping; it’s redirecting and re-channelling. (Of course, there are moments to rest but this itch of frustration is spreading).

When the prickly feelings of angst, frustration and sadness poke at my comfort and zen, movement is the first thing I have to do. Treadmill-walk-run-walking daily.

Sloughing off the emotion.

Our Tomorrow and the following days.

In December, I want to try to focus on hope rather than sadness—no toxic positivity, no silver linings, no denial of the yuck.

I’ve found that podcasts, music and other well-chosen stimuli and connections to insights can comfort me.

Those moments that I can say, ‘I’m not alone in thinking this! Oh, that’s a great way of articulating it.’

Acknowledging the needling angst and uncertainty, I choose to rekindle inspiration and connect with compassion curiously.

How

You’ll see a section called ‘ComfortZone’ in the website's main menu (see the desktop version of Carer Mentor). It already contains:

• This Caregiver's Watchlist. 'Feel the feels', escape reality or be transported by music.

• Inspiration 'Ten Annual Review Questions.'

I’ll revisit my year-end journaling prompts, books, podcasts, and meditative music to spark insights and inspiration. This helps me reframe my inner angst.

You too?

I’ll share the recommendations with you in the ComfortZone section.

Something may resonate, spark an insight, rekindle inspiration, or offer hope and comfort. This is my hope for you.

Thoughtful Resonance

I recommend reading this article by . Who writes

Thank you, Vicki.

The Therapy Room

The pain is not the problem

Life is inherently painful. If we live long enough, we will not be able to avoid encountering grief, loss, fear, anger, and the whole spectrum of human pain…

Read more

a year ago · 76 likes · 38 comments · Dr Vicki Connop

Given my priorities, this month's publication days may be more unpredictable than usual.

Hope: to reclaim my light, fly together and connect in empathy.

I wish for hope
to lift me up
to carry me, support me and make me feel.
Be. Light?

Around in dark 
the air is thin.
There are no walls but fear jailed 
myself. Fly?

Leashed by fear
struggling to reframe
Connect to feel empathy, 
Exhale the breath held. Relief?

I need help to change my response
break from defaults
reframe our lens to free?
See, and be a path forward. Together?
HOPE

Be the light, myself. 
Fly, exhale the breath held, relief, 
reframe our lens to
Free.
See And Be, 
A path forward, 
Together. 
HOPE!

P.S. This started playing as I finished the poem. A sign ❤️

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